Oh Shit, She's Reproducing!

   Sad but true. Kim Kartrashian is carrying Kanye West's spawn, meaning yet another addition to the seemingly endless supply of Kardashians. And, no doubt, yet another "reality" show about her and the kid.
   And it also means 9 months hearing about her every time she fucking pukes or something. At least until the brat's born. Then who knows how much more bullshit we'll be hearing about the baby etc. Which makes me wonder. Will she give birth like a human, or will the kid sorta grow under her left armpit in a pod before dropping off and morphing into human form? Sorry. That was unkind. Tough shit. One thing though. At least being preggers, her gut will help offset that massive ass of hers. Sort of balance her out.
   And now the question of names has to be brought up, and I have 2 suggestions. If it's a boy, Karl and if it's a girl, Kristina. All in keeping with the family tradition of naming their kids with a "K". But I don't know how that'll fly with daddy. I mean either way it's going to end up Kim, Kanye, Karl. Or Kim, Kanye, Kristina. Somehow I don't think Mr. West is going to like his kids initials being K.K.K, do you?
   'Nuff said.

Totally Disgusting

   That's the nice way of putting it after a case in Delhi, India sparked worldwide outrage. A 23 year old woman was gang raped on a moving bus in that city by 6 men, who then threw her out of the still moving vehicle. She was taken to Singapore for specialized treatment of head and other injuries I won't go into. She died there Saturday, local time. The 6 "men" have now been charged with murder, along with sexual assault.
   This has drawn attention to a larger problem on the sub-continent, where women are routinely treated worse than dogs. Female fetuses are routinely aborted, infant girls are routinely killed, women are routinely raped, tortured and killed. No wonder India is one of the worst places to be born female. And the reason behind this? A man simply wants sons. Not daughters.
   The most horrendous part of this is no one intervened. None of the other passengers stepped in, and the bus driver didn't even stop! But given what I've stated above, is it really a surprise no one helped? The answer is, unfortunately, no. Mistreatment of women goes back generations, and is, unfortunately, an ingrained part of a good chunk of society there. I'm not painting the whole population with the same brush, but it sorta says it all when not too many years ago, a wife was expected to throw herself on her hubby's funeral pyre and die with him.
   And lets also not forget the cases of brides being burned by their newlywed spouses. And I'm sure the list of atrocities against women is one hell of a lot longer than what I've chronicled.
   And the protests against such maltreatment have started in Delhi, Mumbai, Calcutta and other centres. The protesters want not only justice for the 23 year old, but changes in the way women are treated. Sadly, though, calling for what's almost a societal change likely won't result in many improvements, and the mistreatment of women will continue. But if any proposed changes save even one life, they might be worth it. Every journey starts with one small step.
   As for the "men" accused in this case.....justice should be swift and simple if they're found guilty. They should all be hung by their testicles. And once they rip off, hang them by the neck.
   'Nuff said.

Trains 7, People 6 (Provisional)

   We do indeed have an updated scorecard in our Trains vs People match. And, yes, People have pulled out an astonishing comeback.....provisionally. Why just provisionally? Well, it seems the people who survived were all contract workers for C.N Rail. It seems they were doing routine maintenance on a stretch of track near Edmonton, Alberta, when a train leaving the city struck them, leaving them with serious injuries.
   But does this count? The scorecard I was tallying on was for those who became Darwin nominees by taking themselves out of the gene pool, or those who were lucky (or drunk) enough to survive a near miss. There were the 2 guys who died within days of each other earlier this year crossing tracks while listening to music on their ear-buds. Shit, one was even texting at the time. Then there was another guy who got clobbered while crossing the tracks also listening to music. There were 3 (if memory serves) in Regina, Saskatchewan, and one near Saskatoon. The survivors were mostly drunks.
   But you know what? In the spirit of the season, I'm going to credit these 3, and hopefully all survive.
   So, as 2012 draws to a close, it's Trains 7, People 6.
   'Nuff said.

Are You Ready Yet? With Apologies To Clement Moore

   Tis the day before Christmas and all through the malls, last minute shoppers are busting their balls.
   But our presents were wrapped and secreted with care, in case curious children should see them somewhere.

   The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of Wii-U games danced in their heads.
   And mama in her teddy, and me in my hat and just settled in for a nice winter's "nap".

   When out in the street there arose such a clatter, I sprung out of bed to see what was the matter.
   I tore open the shutter and threw open the sash, and what did I see but  a horrible crash.

   The moon on the crust of my un-shovelled snow gave light to the tussle far down below.
   And what to my still blooshot eyes (see below) should appear, than 2 withered old men fighting over a beer!

   Then one drunken driver got really sick, and I knew goddamn well it wasn't St. Nick.
   More rapid than coursers his curses they came, but they were so vile that that the words I can't name.

   "You ****er, You ****ole, You ****head You ******.  "Oh damnit, I'm drunken, You ****ing damn ******er.
   I have puked on the porch, I have barfed on the wall. Go clean it up, clean it up, clean it up all.

   Then he did something I'd never try, he got in his car and again tried to make it fly!
   He crashed with such violence he did take to the sky, and up to my roof top his Mazda did fly.
   With the drunken old man, who was really sick, too.

  Then I heard some new noises from up on the roof, and I wished that he'd fall, the stupid old goof. I was turning to go when I heard a new sound.
   He'd tripped, and came down my chimney and, fell drunk to the ground.

   He was dressed up in tatters from his head to his foot. And needless to say, he was covered in soot!
   He swore once again "Oh, my poor ****in' back". He looked like a hobo, strung out on crack.

   His eyes they were bloodshot, some teeth he was missing. His cheeks they were rosy, all bloodshot from drinking.
  His horrible mouth all drawn up in a sneer made me wish that my shotgun was somewhere quite near.

   The stump of a spliff he had clenched in his few teeth, while the stench of pot smoke circled us both like a wreath.
   With his unpleasant face and massive beer belly, I knew the old fart would be really quite smelly.

   He was fat and disgusting, the stupid old elf, and I retched at the sight of him in spite of myself.
   With a leer in his eye and a really limp wrist, I couldn't wait to get rid of this pest.

   He spoke not a word, but went right to work. Then pulled out his Willy and gave it a jerk!
   Then laying a coke spoon upside his nose, took a really big hit and up the chimney he rose.

   He leaped back in his Mazda as cop sirens whistled, the drove off my roof, and crashed in some thistle.
   And I heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight "I wish I hadn't been so pissed up tonight"

   With apologies to Clement Moore: Merry Christmas!
   'Nuff said.

Oh, My Aching Head!

   It was epic. The "End Of  The World" bash at my place went well. What I can remember of it at any rate. A bunch of us got together to celebrate the ancient Mayan calendar prediction that the world was to end on December 21, 2012. Yesterday. We all knew it was bullshit, but it made for a great party. At which we all ate and drank far too much.
   The best part was all our guests arrived and left by taxi, meaning no one got behind the wheel sloshed and had their world ended in a tragic accident. I think we ushered the last guest out the door about 3:00 a.m. I think. Then, the missus and I staggered into bed.
   Some 6 hours later, I thought I heard my bride of 30 years groaning in agony. I asked if she was o-kay, and got a response that sounded an awful lot like "Not really. Now fuck off and die". A couple hours after that, she woke me again asking what time it was. I rolled over and looked at our alarm clock and said "Saturday". She asked me to be a little more specific, so I said "there are a bunch of numbers, but they could mean anything". To which I got a response that sounded an awful lot like "Thanks. Now fuck off and die. Or at least fuck off and let ME die".
   I really have no idea when I eventually got up and started popping Advil like it was Pez, but here I am. And after the hangover I'm suffering right now, I almost wish the Mayans were right and the world HAD ended.
   Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'm going to fuck off and die. At least for the rest of today. And maybe Sunday.
   'Nuff said.

Everyone Relax.....The NRA Has Spoken!

   Yup! The powerful gun lobby group in the States has indeed chimed in on the Newtown massacre after a week of silence. And I find it totally inappropriate that they chose to hold a news conference a week to the day after 26 people were slaughtered at the elementary school. On a day when church and other bells were tolling 26 times, one for each of the 20 children and 6 adults, in many communities across the U.S.
   And needless to say, the NRA claims tougher gun laws will not prevent future shootings. The groups Vice President, Wayne LaPierre, instead called for armed guards to be put in every school across that wonderful nation. In effect, that means turning schools into prisons. What next? Keep the kids in segregation cells to make sure they're safe?
   He also trotted out the tired old argument we hear about blaming ultra violent video games like Grand Theft Auto and Bulletstorm for such tragic massacres. Bull fucking shit! I've been hearing the argument about such games de-sensitizing kids to violence for years. In some cases, I'm sure they do. But most of the young people I know realize there's a difference between such games and real life. Granted, there are a few who either can't or don't know the difference. But if the suggestion is ban violent video games.....that simply ain't gonna fly.
   Mr. LaPierre also trotted out the tired old argument about the media for "vilifying guns and gun owners, and for publicizing inaccuracies about guns". Cough (bullshit) cough. The media does not vilify guns and gun owners. They vilify the people who use guns to kill a lot of other people.
   He also suggested that "gun free" school designations actually tell every insane killer in America that schools are the safest place to inflict maximum mayhem with minimum risk. I also heard him suggest that there should be a national Mental Health Registry set up.
   In my humble (?) opinion, Mr. LaPierre is living in some kind of La-La land. In Canada, we have, in my humble (?) opinion overly strict regulations. Hell, the government just did away with the long gun registry. Which is a good thing. We still have to have an FAC (Firearms Acquisition Certificate) where the owner is thoroughly checked before he/shhe is allowed to buy a gun. Much stricter that some parts of the States.
   Does the U.S need a stricter form of gun control? I'll leave that up to the politicians there to decide. And one very important point about the massacre that I didn't hear from Mr. LaPierre during what I saw watching the news conference. The guns used were all legally obtained by Adam Lanza's mother. And he stole them. I guess they should also be calling for stricter gun storage laws too.
   'Nuff said.

It's A Fake

   It was hard to avoid this viral video making the rounds the other day. A friend of mine showed it to me, and after the "What-The-Fuck-Was-That" moment, we watched again to be sure what we thought we saw was what we actually saw. And we saw a golden eagle swoop down from the sky and snatch a little kid right off he ground! The bird didn't get far before dropping the tyke, who you see crying but otherwise unhurt. Holy shit! This supposedly happened in Montreal, Quebec.
   The story (and video) made headlines across Canada and even internationally. It got millions of views in just one day. And, of course, it never really happened.
   3 students in 3-D animation have come forward to say they staged the whole thing using computer graphics for the eagle and the baby after studying other viral videos, and coming up what what sure looks real. Until you look again. When you see the "bird" drop the "child", the kid is still rising, even after the talons let go. And the "child" in question isn't struggling, which you'd expect.
   So, why did they do it? As part of a project. They spent 400 hours creating the video, and the school gave a perfect score to any video getting more than 100 thousand views.
   I guess these guys passed with "flying" colors!
   'Nuff said.

It's Still "Merry Christmas"

  It's been a few days since I posted the story from Saskatoon, Saskatchewan about the atheist who was pissed off about transit buses scrolling "Merry Christmas" messages (see below). Since then, it seems a committee of that city's council has re-affirmed the "Merry Christmas" messages will be allowed to continue. At least for this year. The whole issue has been referred to another committee for study.
   In fact, the committee ruling on Ashu Solo's request to have them taken off debated for a whole 5 minutes before ruling against him. He says he's still planning on going to the Human Right's Commission. Good luck. You'll need it.
   And speaking of planning, that's what's kept me from posting lately, as I'm still getting ready for the "Apocalypse" party Friday, when the Mayan calendar says the world will end.
   I'll have more on that Saturday. For sure.
   'Nuff said.

It's "Merry Christmas"

   And it seems a Grinch in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan wants it cancelled. At least on transit buses. What I'm talking about is those programmable signs you see on city buses anywhere telling you the route name and number. But it appears in Toon Town, the "Merry Christmas" message has been scrolling in that window. And that's pissed off Ashu Solo. He's demanding the messages be removed, and an apology issued by the 22nd, or he'll lodge a complaint with that provinces Human Rights Commission.
   It also seems someone in that city's administration ORDERED their removal, which has sparked outrage among some council members. Not to mention the public. In fact, most people have no problem with the message. Other than Solo, who seems to think a public conveyance should not be scrolling a religious message.
   And it's not the first time this douche has bitched to the Commission. It seems he was steamed about a council member offering a prayer at a volunteer banquet.
   As you know, I'm an avowed atheist who has no use for religion in any way, shape or form. But I still wish people a "Merry Christmas". Especially since a lot of people do believe. I have no qualms about it, and I'm not going to blow a gasket over something as simple as a digital message on a bus.
   And if Solo has a problem with it, he can either shut the fuck up or get the fuck out of my country. We don't want you here. I have a lot of friends from different cultures and religions. Hell, my Muslim friends are the first to wish me Merry Christmas. And I'm just as likely to wish them a solemn and dignified Ramadan. They're not offended by our traditions and culture, especially since they chose to come here.
   So, Merry Christmas to All, except Ashu Solo, and to all a Good Night!
   'Nuff said.

She's Baaaack.....Again

   Yup! The Senator's wife is back in the news again. But this time, 23 year old Maygan Sensenberger is without her 69 year old hubby, Senator Rod Zimmer. Seems May is trying to make over her "Crazy Airplane Lady" image by starring in a movie.
   I'm not shitting you. May is in a movie. And she's got the starring role to boot! Seems she's been cast as Grand Mother in the digital film "First Ladies", which is being screened in Ottawa at the Digi60 film festival.
   Seems May is the head of state of North America in the process of establishing world peace with an all female government. Yeah, right. Not that women can't govern, and certainly it would be a lot more peaceful if they did (probably), but Maygan Sensenberger?!? You'll remember she was busted on a flight to Saskatoon for allegedly threatening her husband. That charge was eventually dropped.
   The director of this "epic" says May was easy to work with, and has a future in acting (cough, cough), and they're working on a feature film.
   I guess casting her as Grand Mother actually made sense, since she's sleeping with someone old enough to be her grandfather. As for the acting, well I've already blogged about that.
   Will I be watching this film? Fuck, no. I'd rather watch paint dry. Or my cat hacking up a fur ball. I just wish she'd fade into obscurity.
   'Nuff said.

It's Happened Again

   A horrific scene in Newton, Connecticut where a gunman walked into an elementary school and started shooting. When it was over, 27 people including 20 students were dead. The shooter, 24 year old Ryan Lanza of New Jersey, was also found dead, but it's not known if he killed himself or police did. Also killed was the school's principal, psychologist and the shooters mother, who was a teacher at the school. Police say she was killed before the rampage started. One report says an entire classroom was unaccounted for. Several of the injured had serious wounds.
   Witnesses say Lanza had 4 weapons and had a bullet-proof vest on. Some accounts say as many as 100 shots were fired. Reports I've seen say cops picked up another person in the woods nearby wearing camo pants. It's not clear of he was an accomplice.
   If the death toll is 27, it would be one of the worst mass killings in U.S history, and will certainly re-ignite the debate over gun control down there. And maybe it's time my American friends took a serious look at some form of control after this, the Oregon mall shooting and the massacre at the Batman movie earlier this year.
   The tough question is would even a watered down version of what we in Canada have even work? My guess is no. Even before the gun lobby gets started, there's the Constitutional Amendment on the right to bear arms.
   But after this horrific incident, you almost need to stop and wonder if the right to bear arms supersedes the right of young children to grow old, have kids and grandkids of their own. In my opinion, no. It does not.
   Whatever the outcome. it will not be a Merry Christmas for the families of those killed in yet another senseless bloodbath.
   'Nuff said.

Thursday Ratbag Ramblings

   'Tis the season when things start winding down ahead of the festive season, and also on the sites I scan regularly. Mostly politics and the economy; Snore. That's one reason I haven't been posting much lately. So today, it's another ramble.
   And we'll start with Justin Bieber:

   As you know by now, I'm not a fan of the little twerp, but my dislike of him has been topped by a guy in the States who actually hired a couple of hitmen to bump him off. Seriously! Dana Martin is already serving 2 life sentences for raping and killing a girl in Vermont. He tried to hire 2 guys to castrate the Beeb, and strangle him with a paisley necktie! Oh, yeah. It was supposed to happen during a concert at Madison Square Garden last month. The plot unravelled, and Beebs lived to lipsynch on.
   In England, a guy died while going "Gangnam Style". He was doing the horse riding maneuver when he complained of chest pain and collapsed Saturday. The guy was a married father of 3, and was at a Christmas party. Needless to say, British cardiologists are warning older men not to over exert themselves during the festive season.
   Finally, car news. Seems a guy in San Francisco has invented a gyroscopically stabilized car called the "LIT C1". The car will do 0 to 60 in 6 seconds, have a top speed of 120 mph and a range of 200 miles. And it's not electrically powered either. No, it runs on good old gas. The base price for this is 24 thousand dollars, and what sets it apart from other autos is the fact it has only 2 wheels. We used to call those "motorcycles". True, this is totally enclosed, and it costs 24 grand. Shit, for that kind of cash you can find a used sports car for a lot less, if you don't mind an older vehicle.
   But having to put up with our Canadian winters, my bet would be a honking big 4X4.
   'Nuff said.

12/12/12

   It is December 12, 2012, one of the days for the supposed apocalypse. And apparently, those forecasts may have been a bit more accurate than we thought. Because sometime this morning, a large asteroid zoomed through our cosmic backyard. How large? About 3 miles across at it's widest point. Large enough to cause massive damage had it hit the earth. How close in our cosmic backyard? 4.3 million miles. Admittedly, that's quite a ways off, but still a near miss when you look at some of the other distances in the solar system. And today, 12/12/12, marked the space rock called "Toutatis" closest approach.
   If the sky was clear in your part of the world, you might've been able to see it. If you had a "top notch" telescope. In fact, you might still be able to see it over the next few days.
   How catastrophic would a direct hit have been? Scientists believe the asteroid that caused the mass extinction of the dinosaurs 65 million years ago was about twice the size of Toutatis.
   But it's not all gloom and doom. Not by a long shot. Thousands of couples got married on 12/12/12, and there was one kid who had his 12th birthday today. And according to his birth records, he was born at 12:12 p.m.
   And in case you're wondering, the next repeat date won't be for another 88 years.
   I'm still waiting got 21/12/12, the date an ancient Mayan calendar says will see the end of the world. Planning for my "End Of The World" bash is going well. The booze has been bought, and I'm laying in a huge stock of Advil for the bitch of a hangover I know I'll wake up with when, not surprisingly, the sun rises on the 22nd.
   'Nuff said.

It's Not Funny Anymore

   You've no doubt heard this by now. A nurse at the London hospital that was treating the Duchess of Cambridge (Kate) was found dead this morning. Jacintha Saldanha was the person who answered the phone at King Edward VII hospital, and passed the callers on to the ward nurse who gave what were supposed to be confidential details of her morning sickness to the callers, who were supposed to be the Queen and Prince Charles. It was, of course, 2 disc jockeys at an Australian radio station pretending to be the royals.
   These 2 ass-clowns (Michael Christian and Mel Greig) later apologized for the prank, which has turned tragic. Police in London say it appears Jacintha took her own life, but they have yet to definitively link her role in passing the call on to her death.
   The D.J's say they're shocked over the death, and would stay off their show until further notice because of it. My guess is management yanked them off the air, and are now deciding whether or not to make it permanent. Reports I've seen say the station in question was still promoting the hoax an hour news of Saldanha's death broke.
   Saldanha was a married mother of 2, and hospital officials in London say she was a very good nurse, and was not facing any disciplinary action for her role in the prank.
   So, what should happen now? From my perspective the 2 idiots who started the prank should be fired, and banned from radio for life. Not only that, but either they or their station should be held liable for any role this "prank" played in Saldanha's death. And they should be forced to compensate her family.
   And I'm sure this won't be the last time someone tries such a stunt. But before any of you radio people think about pulling something, also think of the consequences that may happen in the fallout.
   'Nuff said.

More Random Thursday Ratbag Ramblings

   And we'll start today with Justin Bieber. The Grammy nominations came out today (yeah, I usually wouldn't care either) and it seems he was shut out. That in turn lead his manager to rant about it on Twitter. Does the Beeb deserve a Grammy nomination? In my humble(?) opinion: Shit no. Not unless you're gonna give a Grammy to the guy who invented autotune in the first place, since it seems that's about the only way that turd can sign. Well, that and lip-synching. Anyway, his manager went on and on about how the kid "deserved" it, yadda-yadda-yadda. Since his "fan" base seems to be early teen age girls, I'm not surprised. Scooter (that's his name) Braun was, tweeting the Grammy committee "blew it". I disagree. I think they got it dead right with him. Especially after he BANNED music critics and commentators from his shows after the negative feedback he got at the Grey Cup game. As for who did get the nod.....like I said, I don't care, and will NOT be watching the Grammys, thereby keeping a strong tradition alive.
   Moving on.
   Kate-mania continues after her release from hospital today. She'd been in since Monday for a severe morning sickness symptom. And as I predicted, the media were rows deep waiting for a picture. She's going to be resting for a while at Kensington Palace. And while I maintain I have no gripe with her or the rest of the Windsor Mob, it might be for the best if she stayed there until the baby's born. Not only for her, but for the majority of us who don't really need to know every move she makes.
   Moving on.
   This has been a great week for space exploration. Not only is Voyager 1 nearing interstellar space (see my blog below), but NASA says they've found evidence of water ice at the north pole on the nearest planet to the sun, Mercury. Not overly surprising, since the pole tilts at just 1 degree, and there's no atmosphere to deflect the suns radiated heat. They also say the latest Mars rover's first probe of Martian dirt shows.....dirt! With no sign of organic compounds. Nor did they find any sign of the Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator! Keep looking Curiosity.
   Till next time:
   'Nuff said.

The Little Spaecraft That Could

   Voyager 1 is poised to leave the solar system. Voyagers 1 and 2 were launched 35 years ago in 1977, and after taking magnificent pictures of Jupiter and Saturn among others, both were sent on trajectories which will see them head into interstellar space.
   Now, Voyager 1 has hit the "magnetic highway", a region where the effects from outside our system can be measured, even though mission scientists say it could be another year or 3 before the 1560 pound craft finally crosses over. The craft is also nearly 18 billion kilometers from the sun, while it's sister craft Voyager 2 is some 14 billion kilometers out.
   And scientists are still getting data from them! That's because both are using plutonium as a power source. The cameras that took so many stunning pictures, including a panorama of our solar system dubbed the "Family Portrait" some 22 years ago, were turned off after that landmark of some 60 images including our earth. The planet the late, great Carl Sagan called "The Pale Blue Dot".
   How much longer will they keep going? Mission specialists expect they could go on transmitting for another 8 years, until 2020. Then they will go "dark" for the final time as they head deeper into interstellar space.
   And if someone or thing comes across them in the future? Both have golden records attached which contain both pictures and images. And keep in mind, these are analog, not digital.
   For the record, both Voyagers were supposed to last only 5 years! So keep on going!
   'Nuff said.

Leave Them Alone!!!

   So, the speculation has ended. There will be the pitter-patter of royal feet in Britain next year, as Buckingham Palace has confirmed Kate is preggers. And apparently, she hasn't had an easy time so far. She's in hospital suffering a severe symptom of morning sickness.
   There's been no word when the baby is due, and.....since she's in the very early stages.....no word what flavour the child will be. Not that it matters anymore anyway. The rules governing the line of succession have been changed to reflect "modern" times. It means it won't matter if it's a boy or a girl, the baby will be 3rd in line to the throne. In the past, the male child had preference, regardless of birth order.
   And whatever it is, I hope it's healthy.
   Now, to address the the title of this post, "Leave Them Alone!!!" I'm sure the paparazzi will be several rows deep straining and craning to be the first to get a photo of the Royal Baby Bump. I hope they all fall to their doom. First off, the big news has been broken, and the next big news will be the birth. In between I don't care how many pickle, sardine, marmalade and ice ream sandwiches she eats. Nor do I really care how much weight she puts on. So long as it's not a Jessica Simpson gain. But, no. We're going to be inundated with endless photos of pregnant Kate getting into a car. Pregnant Kate getting out of a car. Pregnant Kate walking through a door. Pregnant Kate cradling her "baby bump".  A term I have come to loath by the way. Then, of course, pregnant Kate entering the hospital. And Kate coming out of the hospital with the baby.
   I don't have anything against the couple, but we're going to be Kate'd to death.
   So, here's what the Royal household should do. Issue an "official" photo or 2 of Will and Kate during her pregnancy, and one or 2 of the happy couple after the baby's born. Before Kate leaves the hospital. And release them to "trusted" and traditional media sources, hopefully spiking the slimearazzi before they get a chance to publish anything.
   Not that that's going to stop them. They'll be out there with their super long range telephoto lenses, trying to be the "first" with a picture. Maybe we should give Will a sniper rifle with a super long telescopic sight to shoot back!
   'Nuff said.

*****UPDATED Tuesday, December 4: It was just what I feared would happen. Every single news channel I tuned into, T.V and radio, was Kate's Baby Bump this, Kate's Baby Bump that. And I also fear it'll be more of the same tomorrow, and the day after etc, etc, etc. O-kay. She's pregnant. But isn't it time the media moved on to some REAL news? The "fiscal cliff" in the States? The ongoing war against terror? Please. Anything but Kate's Baby Bump!!!

Waiting For Doomsday

   The world will end 3 weeks from today, on Friday, December 21st. Well, at least if you believe the ancient Mayan prediction. On the 21st, the date of the winter solstice, a calendar cycle called the 13th b'ak'tun comes to an end, although some say the Mayan's would not see the day as apocalyptic. But it seems some people are taking this prediction seriously, including suicidal teens, and parents who, for some perverse reason, like to scare the shit out of their kids.
   One of the more popular myths would have us believe a rogue planet (Nibiru?) is about to slam into the earth, killing everything. Cough (bullshit) cough. These stupid rumours are also taking their toll on supposedly sane, rational adults who have been asking about things like vets putting their pets to sleep to avoid the catastrophe.
   In fact, it go to the point where NASA had to step in Wednesday in a social media blitz to try and assure idiots the world ain't going to end. Particularly, getting a planet in the face. One scientist says if one was heading our way, they'd have known about it for a long, long time. That, and the fact it would be the brightest thing in the sky.
   But no. I'm sure there will be a few people who will take themselves out of the gene pool ahead of the 21st. Good riddance. Just don't take any innocent people with you when you go.
   As for the prediction itself.....well, I'm thinking it's about as accurate as the 4 WRONG ones made by Harold Camping. You remember him? The crusty old fuck was a pastor at some obscure California based church who predicted (wrongly) the world would end on May 21st of last year. When, quite surprisingly to him, when the sun came up on the 22nd, he amended his prediction (I guess he forgot to carry the 1) to October 21st. When, quite surprisingly to him, the sun came up on the 22nd, he further amended his prediction to say no one knows when the world will end. I guess reality finally sunk in.
   Anyway, I'm going to hold an End of the World bash at my place 3 weeks from today on the 21st. And when, not surprisingly, the sun comes up on the 22nd I'll nurse a bitch of a hangover.
   'Nuff said.

More Celebretards

   And we'll start with the Mean Girl herself. Lindsay Lohan got arrested....again. This time it was in NYC after she (allegedly) punched another woman in the face at a nightclub. LiLo was booked for assault, issued a desk ticket and released. Apparently, it all started when Lindsay and the other woman started exchanging words and sort of escalated. Let the train wreck continue.
   Another "celebrity" back in the headlines is Jessica Simpson. She's preggers again, just months after dropping her first kid. She still hasn't lost all the baby fat she packed on either. I wonder 1: How much she'll balloon out this time (Jabba the Hut size maybe?) and 2: What this is going to do to her endorsing weight watchers. I guess she'll be watching the weight go back on. Something tells me she's never gonna fit into those Daisy Duke's again.
   And finally, Justin Bieber. Seem's his reception at the 100th Grey Cup game (see my blog of November 26th) where he was booed several times has stung. He's not allowing music reviewers and/or critics into any more of his shows after supposedly lip-synching during Sunday's performance. Simple solution to that. Reviewer/critic gets a ticket, attends and STILL write it up the next day. Give me the "Good Olde Days" when bands and musicians actually cared more about their performance, than their image, back when their music was what people came for. Bands like the Beatles, Cream, Zeppelin, Queen, the Stones etc, etc, etc. The quicker the little shit Bieber fades into obscurity, the better.
  'Nuff said.....for now.

She's Boned

 

   A woman in Sweden certainly is. The unidentified 37 year old has pleaded not guilty to having sex with a dis-articulated human skeleton! Well, one full skeleton. Several other skulls and bones were found in her dwelling as well. A video on one of the news sites I check on regularly shows the woman apparently caressing the skeleton. Well, more than caress, actually. In one blurred out shot you see the cranium being cradled in a certain part of the anatomy. It's not clear if it's her mommy bags or the "lady region", but she is getting skulled. Then again, she may have just been giving it a kiss.
   If that's not bad enough, there are photos taken of "skinny" cuddling with a stuffed toy panda, and what appears to be zip-tie handcuffs. The kind police use in riots. I don't know why she'd need them. It's not like lover boy (or girl) was going to go anywhere soon. And they couldn't have been for her, either, since old bony sure can't put them on her and tighten them.
   Now, I could make a lot of tasteless sexually suggestive jokes. But I won't. Sorry.
   'Nuff said.

How Do YOU Spell Hypocrite?..UPDATED

   In this case, Angus T. Jones. He's the 1/2 in that former hit show 2 1/2 Men. It seems Jake Harper (the character he plays) has found "religion" and is now asking fans to quit watching what he calls "That filth". In a rambling 14 minute You Tube clip, Angus basically says he doesn't want to be part of the show anymore, and is asking fans to "stop watching it and quit filling your head with filth". Apparently, he's joined something called the voice of prophecy 7th day adventist church. Whatever.
   Angus, watch your wallet and hope your parents have control of your finances. He's made a TON from the show he now wants people not to watch (as if that's difficult with Ashton Kutcher), and will probably turn it all over to this "church". Which will leave him pretty much broke. And when the money train finally does run off the track, how long before this "church" abandons him? By the way, he makes $350 grand an episode. You do the math.
   As for his future on the show.....well, really who the fuck even cares. He hasn't quit, and he hasn't been fired. Yet. Although I'm sure him slagging off his (and his parents) meal ticket will end up seeing his mysterious departure in a not too distant episode.
   As for 2 1/2 men..I can't watch it for more than 2 1/2 seconds since Sheen melted down and departed.
   'Nuff said.
   ******UPDATE: So, it seems a day after this hit the web, Angus has backed down a bit. Now the 19 year old is saying "I'm Sorry" for dissing the show. Did he finally wake up and tune into Sanity F.M and realize just what he was throwing away? Or did this "pastor" gently remind him that by continuing to work on the show, he could give (sorry...DONATE) more monry to him? I'm guessing some from column "A", and some from column "B".

What An Embarrassement

   What I'm talking about was the so-called "entertainment" during Sunday's Grey Cup game. It was the 100th anniversary of the CFL's Championship game, so you'd hope and expect to have a top-notch halftime show.
   No. Instead we got Gordon Lightfoot, Justin Bieber, Marianas Trench and Carley Rae Jepsen. Holy shit! If that's the "best" of Canadian entertainment, maybe organizers of next year's Grey Cup should just skip it. Did Lightfoot REALLY need to sing the "Canadian Railroad Trilogy"? Admittedly, he's a musical icon of sorts here, but sheesh! About the only benefit of having him on was to put the crowd to sleep so they didn't have to hear the rest of the concert.
   Marianas Trench.....well, it's not my kind of music, but they did o-kay. Making them the highlight of the night. Carley Rae Jepsen was a 3rd place finisher on Canadian Idol. Need I say more?
   At least that little twerp Justin Bieber got the crowd worked up. They were booing him, but he at least got them worked up. If fact, they started booing when a picture of him and Jepsen was flashed on the big screen. If memory serves, they even booed him when he said it was an honor to be at the Grey Cup. And what's with the crotch grabbing anyway? Who d'you think you are, Michael Jackson? Well, at least HE had some talent. What was he checking to find out? If his stash was in the right place, or to see if he a). GREW something or b). see if his balls dropped.
   All in all, it was a night to forget. And if any American's were watching....I'm sorry. While we're at it,, maybe we should take a page from the Superbowl halftime shows in the past and get some REAL talent. Something like Janet Jackson's infamous "nipplegate" back in 2004 when her top got ripped off by Justin Timberlake.
   Shit! Have Gordon Lightfoot rip Anne Murray's top off. It might be gross, but it's better than the crap we were subjected to Sunday. And for organizers of the 2013 Cup in Regina.....please PLEASE try and find some talent. Canadian if you have to. Anything's better that what we were forced to watch. Well, almost anything.
   'Nuff said.
   Oh, yeah. The Toronto Argonauts beat the Calgary Stampeders 35-22. The game kinda got lost amid the cesspool that was halftime.

Happy Thanksgiving!...Revised

   While we in Canada celebrated Thanksgiving last month, today's the big day in the States, and I want to wish all my American friends and viewers a very Happy Thanksgiving.
   Not only is this a day for family, turkey dinners and pumpkin pie, but for many a day of travel to see family and have the big meal.
   And lets not forget all the U.S servicemen and women stationed in far flung parts of the world like Afghanistan. To all those folks, I wish you a peaceful day, and may you all return home safe from your current tour.
   I'm sure that after the meal (and the football games) a lot of people will be lining up at stores and malls waiting to get the Christmas shopping season underway with Black Friday. I hope this one goes a little more peaceful than some in the past.
   Anyway, tuck in to that turkey, sweet potatoes (if you like them), dressing and gravy. And if you overdo it, the Tums and Rolaids after.
   Earlier in this post, I mentioned pumpkin pie, and while a lot of people LOVE this, I don't. So I was overjoyed when a friend sent me this a couple years ago. It's simply titled "How Pumpkin Pies Are Made:

   From me in Canada, Happy Thanksgiving!
   'Nuff said.

....."Til Death Us Do Part"

   We've all seen them. Those obnoxious guests at wedding receptions. You know what I mean. The drunk Uncle, the crying Brides mother. The respective fathers often glowering at each other across the wedding hall. Well, today a tragic tale from Brazil where the unwanted guest was the Grim Reaper himself.
   It was the reception for Fabio Maciel and Geise Guimaraes. Things were going fine. The guests were having a great time, the drinks and goodwill flowing in equal parts. That's when the Reaper reached out his Mão gelada da Morte (Icy Hand of Death) and touched someone.
   The fellow in question had an empty beer glass in his pants pocket and somehow slipped. The glass broke, and one of the shards cut into his thigh and severed his femoral artery. (Anatomy 101: The femoral artery is a MAJOR blood vessel running through the thigh before branching off to supply blood to the lower extremities. Cutting the vessel leads to catastrophic bleeding, where arterial spurts have been known to shoot feet through the air. Without immediate medical aid, the victim can expire from exsanguination or bleeding to death.)
   Which is pretty much what happened in this case. The man was rushed to hospital, but was unable to be saved. You've probably already worked out the victim in this case was the groom, Fabio Maciel, who had been married 6 hours to Geise.
   The moral of this story I guess is: Make the most of the life you have, because you never know when the Reaper will touch you with his Mão gelada da Morte.
   'Nuff said.

Are You Sure This Wil Make My Ass Look Bigger #3

   It's happened again. A Toronto woman faces several charges after butt enhancement injections went wrong. It happened last August, and the victim, a 28 year old woman, needed surgery after getting an infection from a bogus botox shot. The 28 year old started feeling sick right after the jab, and eventually needed hospital care. She needed the surgery to remove whatever was injected into her posterior.
   The victim is in pain, can barely walk and has trouble sitting down. No shit! And this is just the latest in a series of do-it yourself cosmetic scams. There was one in the U.S where a woman actually died after getting her ass pumped full of silicone. And in Britain, a 20 year old died after getting an "injected implant".
   Which now begs the question: Why? Why put your health and life at risk getting any kind of treatment like this outside a respectable medical clinic? Oh, yeah. The cost. True, it's a very expensive procedure, but if you pay the price like those above, it obviously wasn't worth it. And what woman would really want an ass as big as Kim Kardashian's anyway?
   I'm a big fan of the female form, but I prefer natural, flaws and all, to something plastic that can't sit down without toppling over because of an enormous rear end.
   'Nuff said.

A Twinkie Update!

   So, it seems the Twinkie, Ho-Ho, Ding Dong and Wonderbread aren't quite dead after all. Hostess Brands was in bankruptcy court Monday, but already here were prospective buyers for some of their more storied brands, including the Twinkie.
   Hostess could well sell of those brands to appease creditors, and who wouldn't want them? Twinkies alone is a 68 million dollar money maker so far this year alone, so I guess I was a little premature in forecasting the demise of the creme filled cake. But I also stand by my decision to try and stock up on them. Any sale would need shareholder approval, and it's not known just yet if the sale would include the plants that went under last week. Then there's the little matter of  staff. Hopefully, any new owner would re-hire as many of the 18 thousand or so workers laid off.
   And then there's still the matter of getting back in production. That could well take weeks, so we could be looking at sometime in 2013 before they're back on the shelves.
   It's a good thing they have a shelf life almost as long as the pyramids!
   'Nuff said.

Say It Ain't So!!

   Unfortunately, it is. Texas based Hostess Brands, the maker of the creme filled little cakes, is going out of business. 18,500 employees are also being thrown out of work. All this, after a strike at their plants forced the company into bankruptcy. Not only is it the end of the Twinkie, but Ding Dongs and Wonderbread in the States will no longer be produced.
   In Canada, Wonderbread is made under license by Weston in Ontario, and Quebec based Saupto has the license for other Hostess brands. But it's not clear yet if we in Canada will still be able to get Twinkies. Or Ding Dongs.
   If both are still being made in Canada, Saputo better think about opening a few more plants to fill what could be a huge demand from U.S customers. And just think of the inflated prices Saputo could charge! Talk about having consumers by their Ding Dongs! And then there's the the black-market opportunities. Already, people are listing Twinkies on eBay for up to 20 dollars for a 10 pack.
   And think of the illegal trade. We could see Twinkie cartels sprout up. I can almost see the headlines "5 Creamed To Death In Twinkie Gang War With The Ding Dong Mafia". O-kay, that may be farfetched, I admit. But you get the point. I mean what are pot smokers going to scarf back when they get the munchies and they have a sweet tooth?
   And speaking of teeth, I guess dentists won't mind the end of those oh so sugary little delights. And as someone posted on Yahoo, what will people eat after the Zombie Apocalypse? Twinkies last forever!
   But I'm sorta thinking somewhere, somehow someone in the U.S WILL start producing both again.
   And in case they don't, I'm going to rush out and stock up!
   'Nuff said.

All The Rage

   You've hear of air rage. And we've all had a touch of road rage. Now, from Arizona, comes a story about voter rage. Or rather, lack of voting rage. Seems a 28 year old woman, who is decidedly NOT a Barak Obama fan, is accused of running over her husband because he didn't vote in the presidential election last week.
   Police have charged Holly Solomon after hey claim she chased hubby around a parking lot, hit him and pinned him under the family car! 36 year old Dan Solomon says wifey got pissed off  'cause he didn't vote. She apparently believed an Obama win would spell hardship for the family. I guess it's true, at least for Danny boy.
   He was listed in critical condition, but was expected to survive.
   And Arizona's 11 electoral college votes went to Obama.
   I'm now wondering if Dan's now in favour of Obama's medicare proposal. He probably will be after getting the hospital bill!.
   'Nuff said,

Some Food For Thought

   L.A City Council has voted to do away with meat. At least on Mondays. Yes, the elected officials in La-La Land want the people who put them in power to go meatless on Mondays, thus joining a global initiative asking people to give up meat one day a week. And the vote wasn't even close. The L.A Times says it was 12-0 in favour of abandoning the steak knife, making the California city the largest to jump on the bandwagon.
   And there's no word yet if the LAPD will be policing the plates on any given Monday. Good fucking luck! Not that I have anything against veggies. They make a nice side-dish with my blue-rare steak. I specially like baked potatoes with sour cream, chives and REAL bacon bits! Damn! I'm making myself hungry again.

   And what better way to end a meal than with dessert. Maybe a nice chocolate bar! How about one that costs $18.00! But this isn't your average candy bar. Oh, no.
   This is Good and Evil: (photo courtesy Eclat)

   It's the concoction of several chefs and chocolatiers, and what sets is apart is some of the chocolate used in it. Not the 72% pure dark chocolate, but some white and purple Peruvian cacao nibs. Really? It better be the best goddamned chocolate bar out there for that cash. And no, I won't spend 18 bucks on one to find out.
   But then again, I've come up with the perfect meal! An 8 ounce, $260 dollar piece of Japanese wagyu beef, lightly seared in $54 dollar Greek olive oil, $45 dollar a pound La Bonnotte potatoes, $600 dollar a pound hop shoots topped with shavings from $36 hundred dollar a pound white truffles. All washed down with either $130 dollar a bottle, 65% alcohol Armageddon beer, or a glass or 2 of $168 thousand dollar a bottle Australian Block 42 wine. All followed by a snifter of $2 million dollar a bottle cognac. Of course. All of a sudden, that $18 dollar chocolate bar seems like a bargain! Well, I can dream, can't I?
   (Sigh). I guess tonight it's hamburger helper, bargain store fries and a bottle of Bud. Again. Followed by a leftover Halloween candy bar for dessert.
   'Nuff said.

A Day To Remember

   It is the 11th day of the 11th month, and at the 11th hour we in Canada paused for 2 minutes to remember those who paid the ultimate price for our freedom.
   It is Remembrance Day for all our fallen heroes, whether from World Wars 1 and 2, Korea, Afghanistan or other conflicts. And every year I do pause because my father served in World War 2. And like so many thousands of others, he was wounded, and counted himself lucky at that, because the guy behind him was killed. Dad went in to France some 6 weeks after D-Day, and got his "Blighty" while walking down a road. It took him about 40 years to do it, but he went back, found that road and then MARCHED, not walked, the rest of the way to what his destination should have been. Aside from going "over there" in 1943, that was the only overseas trip he ever took.
   It's guys like that we should also remember. Not just my father, but all the other vets from any branch of the service in war or peace that we should honour. Because they are getting fewer by the month.
   It was February of this year (see my blog of February 7th) the last verified veteran of World War 1 died. Florence Green never saw combat, and never left England. She wasn't a nurse. She worked in an RAF canteen as a waitress. True, she was not in uniform that long, but she was the last of the last. It was just last May the last combat vet of that war, Navy man Claude Choules, died at 110. Harry Patch was the last one in the trenches. He died in 2009. The last Central Power's vet was Franz Kuntsler of Austria-Hungary who died in 2008.
   This is why we MUST pause to remember. Because it won't be long before the last verified veteran of World War 2 passes. I may not be around for that, but my kids will. And they also know why it's important to pause and remember. So many young people today either don't care or don't understand.
   If my memory serves me, in the Netherlands, young children are given a Canadian soldiers grave to look after. And they do it. Not because they have to, but because the Dutch remember the sacrifice our boys made there. In fact, their government still ships tulip bulbs to our Nations capital, which are then planted in a magnificent garden.
   So today, like I do every November 11th, I stood up, paused and saluted our vets.
   'Nuff said.

PeTA Strikes Again!

   And this time, below the belt. I don't know if you've seen the latest ad from the Persistent Eco Terrorist Assholes or not, but it's causing quite a stir. If you haven't, go to You Tube and search "PETA: Stay Firm and Fresh". Basically, it's suggesting to men that you have more stamina and a bigger....ah...."zucchini" if you go vegan.
   And to prove the point, they have a bunch of men jumping around displaying their massive cucumbers, banana's and other fresh fruit dangling from their pant crotches. When will these shitheads ever learn? I mean they came out with the ridiculous "turkey-dog" ad campaign ahead of Canadian Thanksgiving (see my post of September 28). And now this!
   What next? Anatomically accurate  fruit and/or vegetables of female genitalia? Obviously, the eco-tards at PeTA don't get it. No one is buying the bullshit messages. No one gives a great goddamn about you or your idiotic stunts. Speaking of which, winter's coming. And i guess that means these fools will be out on the street (almost) naked in sub-zero conditions. I just hope someone locks their warm-up van or whatever. That stores don't let them in. And maybe even people to douse them with water to speed the cooling process. Oh, yeah, Then offer them a nice fur coat! I wonder how many of them would climb into one or freeze to death.
   But I digress. Getting back to the "fresh fruit" ad, I think I'll keep my spicy salami all meat thanks. There might be a few women out there who don't mind slipping in a carrot now and then, but most like meat!
   And PeTA to me still means People Eating Tasty Animals!
   'Nuff said.

Barak Is Back!

   And in the end, it really wasn't even that close. Mr. Obama ended up with 303 electoral votes, while his Republican challenger Mitt (his middle name. His first name is Willard) Romney had 206, with Florida still undecided.
   The Democrats also took the Senate, winning 23 of the 33 up for grabs. The GOP won 8, with (from what I could glean) 1 independent and 1 undecided. It means the Democrats have 53 seats in the 100 seat Senate, the Republicans 45. The Republicans still control Congress 233-193.
   Mr. Obama will face an interesting 4 more years, with the U.S economy still sputtering, not to mention having to deal with the Medicare question that's divided so many of my American friends. Already, he's pledging unity and job creation as his top 2 goals. And now there's the issue of Statehood for Puerto Rico. Voters in the U.S Commonwealth have cast their ballots in favour of becoming the 51st State. Mr. Obama says it might just happen.
   But what does the election signal to the rest of the world? 4 more years of stability or 4 more years of turmoil. Lets face it. Mr. Obama has a LOT of fence mending to do in his country, and he'd better start job creation programs as soon as he's inaugurated in January. And while he has a friendly Senate, Congress is decidedly not going to vote in favour of too many of his bills. So, I think a little bi-partisan give and take on both sides is what's needed.
   As well, he has to show the world that the U.S.A is still THE superpower to deal with. At least, the democratic one. He has to show the world that wounds can be healed domestically, and gaps in ideology to some extent bridged. I don't envy him those tasks. Nor do I envy his rebuilding America's image abroad. Lets face it, the majority of the Arab world is decidedly anti-American. And the fight against terrorism. Sure, Obama got Osama, but there are a hell of a lot more of those nutters (foreign and domestic) still out there. Taking out Bin Laden was a triumph, but the tail of that dog is still wagging.
   And speaking of bridging gaps, what about Cuba? I know, there's still a Castro in power there, and I know all about Fidel exporting trained guerrillas all across Latin America. But after 50+ years, isn't it time for both nations to come to the table and at least start talking? Maybe not normalizing relations right away, but at least get a dialogue going. What could it hurt? Just sayin is all.
   And while the electoral system in the States seems foreign to people like me who grew up and vote in a parliamentary system, the U.S has one big advantage over we here in Canada. You get to elect YOUR Senators. Ours are appointed by the Prime Minister of whatever party is in power. And if the party in power has fewer Senate seats than the opposition..no problem! The P.M just creates new ones! So, to our leaders, take a page from our friends to the south and either reform the senate and let the people choose, or scrap it altogether and save a whack of tax dollars on an otherwise useless institution.
   So, I congratulate Mr. Obama on his electoral win last night, but as I said I don't envy him the next 4 years.
   'Nuff said.

Building A Cheaper Beer

   Apparently, science is getting close. It seems some brainiac has sequenced most of the barley genome, which (apparently), is longer than the human genome. Go figure. Anyway, about 2/3 of the genome has now been mapped, and the rest won't be far behind.
   From what my limited knowledge of gene sequencing has been able to figure out from the article I read, what it means is plant breeders will now have more control over the barley when it comes to developing different varieties.
   So, how does this relate to cheaper beer? Well, it seems the research could lead to better disease resistance and environmental tolerance for the crop. Thus, lower input costs, thus cheaper beer. But don't look for a price reduction in your favourite brand just yet.. On no. It takes years for research, more years for developing and testing, more years to "fine tune" the crop and THEN get it into farmers hands to grow it.
   Damn! All this talk about beer's making me thirsty for one. Maybe an Armageddon! (See the October 18 entry on that.)
   'Nuff said.

'Tis The Season!

   Yup! The holidays are rapidly approaching, and with it, that horrible christmas music. You know what I mean, all those dreadful songs that EVERY store starts playing as soon as November hits. The kind of music guaranteed to make you forget about the season of joy, and start thinking mayhem.
   However, consumers have taken a stand at one store in Canada, and forced them (at least for now) to quit playing the stuff! Shoppers Drug Mart stores got a backlash from customers who complained that it was far to early to have their ears deluged by that shit. And Shoppers gave in! Power to the people!
   That doesn't mean Shoppers has cut in out altogether (mores the pity), and will start hammering into peoples sanity in a few weeks. But it's a start. Now, if we could convince all major retailers not to play that stuff until December 1st, it would be a victory. But that ain't gonna happen. Sure as shootin' we'll be subjected to all those "classics". Probably on Black Friday no less.
   Oh, well. I'll just have to find some ear plugs I guess.
   'Nuff said.

Did YOU Remember?

   Yup! This (Sunday) morning we all got an extra hour of sleep as we "fell back" to Standard Time at 2:00 a.m. I remember vividly when the switch was made to Daylight Time when I was living in Alberta way back in 1971. And hating it! Yeah, sure. It's nice to get that extra hour of sleep in the fall, but we lose it in the spring when we have to set our clocks ahead an hour. Sure, we got an extra hour of sun in the evening, but when you're a kid with a set bed-time it really doesn't matter. Aside from the fact that you can't sleep 'cause it's still light out.
   Of course, there are a few places in North America where they don't touch their clocks. Saskatchewan, parts of Quebec, B.C and almost all of Arizona have not yet got with the times. I don't know why, aside from Saskatchewan, who can't decide whether or not to follow Manitoba or Alberta. And the big debate is where do they draw the line? the 105th bisects the province, and that's where the natural line would go.
   That, and something about the cows not being milked or fed at the right time.
   Anyway, I hope you enjoyed your extra hour of sleep and remembered to change your clock! If not, do it before you go to bed tonight. You don't wanna be in to work an hour early Monday!
   'Nuff said.

She's Baaaack!!

   Yup! Just when you thought you'd never have to hear about her again, the senators wife is back in the news. Maygan Sensenberger says she's trying to dispel the image of her as the "Crazy Air Canada Lady" (see my blogs of August 28 and September 22 for the back story). Just HOW she plans on doing that, I don't know. Maybe just fade away for a few years until Grampa-Hubby kicks it.
   In a recent interview, the 23 year old May says airports used to be one of her favorite places. Until she was seen at the one in Saskatoon recently, heading back to Ottawa and her 69 year old husband, Liberal Senator Rod Zimmer. 46 years her senior. Yeah, I just threw that last dig in.
   Anyway, May's dreams of fame didn't include the incident that landed her in the media spotlight, nor did her (and I'm NOT sorry for this) May/December marriage. They recently celebrated a year together.....Awww.
   No. May's fantasy life was one of modelling and acting! And you know, she might just turn out to be very good at the latter. I mean, it seems she's already convinced Rod she loves him (and maybe he actually does). So hey! Good luck with that Hollywood North career, May. And if it doesn't work out, you'll at least have hubby's pension, estate and whatever else he leaves when he shuffles of this mortal coil and joins the choir invisible!
   'Nuff said.

There's a Storm Coming

   And her name is Sandy. No doubt you've already heard about the hurricane that killed 60 people in the Caribbean, and is now taking aim at the east coast. No doubt you've also heard that the hurricane could merge with an arctic front to produce what some are calling a "Frankenstorm" which could last through Halloween in some areas.
   City officials in New York are not taking any chances, since the storm surge is likely to combine with a full moon to produce huge tides. The subway is shut down, airlines have cancelled flights, New York stock markets are closed and even Broadway has halted shows. And that's just in one city! The storm is likely to be felt right up the eastern seaboard and into Canada's maritimes either tomorrow or Wednesday.
   Already, some officials are warning of massive power outages in the wake of Sandy, and stire shelves in several cities were almost bare as people get ready to hunker down.
   One U.S forecaster says it's the first time he's seen a snowfall advisory with a hurricane, and winter storms are forecast for parts of Ontario and Quebec.
   In addition to the devastation in the Caribbean, the storm has claimed one very famous victim:

   That's the HMS Bounty, and she was reportedly sunk off Cape Hatteras, Carolina. She was a replica of the same ship the Mutiny on the Bounty happened on in 1782. In fact, she was built in Canada for the 1962 movie of the same name, and also starred in the latest "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie.
   At the time of this writing, 14 of the 16 crew had been rescued, and the search was on for the remaining 2.
   As for Sandy, I hope she loses a lot of her punch by the time she makes landfall, but it doesn't look promising.
   'Nuff said.

SOLD!!!!!

   Yup, a cherry. But this is not your everyday average run of the mill cherry. You don't put this in a drink, and you certainly don't bake into a pie. No. This is a very special cherry, and it belongs (at least for now) to this woman:

   Her name is Catarina Migliorini, and she's a physical education student in Brazil. She's 20 years old. She's sold her virginity to a Japanese man in an on-line auction for $780 THOUSAND dollars. So, why? Why get paid to have her cherry popped?. Cat says she'll donate 90% of the money back to her village to help build homes for impoverished people living there. Oh, yeah. An important point here. She's going to do the vertical Mamba with the guy (known only as Natsu) as part of a documentary being produced by an Australian.
   Apparently, she'll be "delivered" to Natsu on board an aircraft flying between Australia and the U.S so as not to run into those nasty prostitution laws. And, no. The act will not be filmed, although she will be before and after the event.
   "Natsu" will have to undergo STD testing and wear a condom. And toys are forbidden. But other that that, he's free to "have at her".
   But what about Cat? Will they "test" her to make sure she's actually a virgin? Or will "Natsu" have to wait for that one push before breaking on through to the other side?
   And does this make her a prostitute? By the letter of the law, yes because she's getting paid to get laid. Even if her motive is to help others.
   And then there's the website this all took part through. Is that called pimping? Not unless the owners get some of her cash. And while she's not (at least to me) the best looking woman I've seen, I just wish I had $785 thousand! Just kidding, dear! Just kidding.
   'Nuff said.

Happy Birthday, Earth!

   Yup! Today our good, old planet celebrates a birthday! It was October 23, 4004 B.C at 9:00 a.m Greenwich Mean Time that "god" created our planet, which would make her 6008. That's a hell of a lot of candles! Luckily, there are hurricanes to blow them all out.
   The date was arrived at by a James Ussher, who lived back in the 1600's, who used a literal reading of The Big Book Of Thou Shalt Not (the bible). Supposedly, he used the first 2 books to do it. The exact time was arrived at by some guy named Dr. John Lightfoot.
   I'm not going to bore you with the where's and why fores of how they arrived at their (wrong) conclusions, but it's painfully obvious, even to some dyed in the wool christians that the date/time ARE wrong. Let alone having scientifically proven facts to blast more holes in those suppositions than there are in Swiss Cheese.
   Earth may LOOK 6008, but she's a lot older than that. Much older. Many thousands of times older. And don't forget the dinosaurs, although creationists would love to, since they throw a monkey wrench into their neat, buttoned down version of how they think things got to where they are now. Of course, they say "god" planted dino bones to obscure our thinking. I don't know how they arrived at that conclusion, since the bible does not mention dinosaurs. Although it does mention giants.
   And does the whole argument really matter anyway? I mean, some people say the Mayan calendar shows the world will clearly end December 21, 2012. I wonder if they might be wrong too? Whatever. I'll be blogging about it on the 22nd.
   And a Happy Birthday Earth!
   'Nuff said.

I Don't Believe It

   The woman above was Antsia Khvichava, and lived in the former Soviet Republic of Georgia. As you might be able to tell from the picture, she was quite elderly when she passed away recently. At a reported age of 132! A birth certificate and passport list her birthday in June 1880. And here's where the skepticism comes in, because they are replacements of the original documents lost over the years.
   The oldest person with verified documents was Jeanne Calment who was 122 when she died in 1997.
   Medical science says there's no know upper limit to a person's age, but given the natural aging process, 132 seems a bit of a stretch, even though there are documented cases of people living well past 100 in parts of the old Soviet Union
   And with Antsia's passing, the mantle of the oldest living person in the world has now passed to to Besse Cooper, who's birthday is a verified August 26, 1896. That makes her 116.
   And by the way, she also lives in Georgia. The one in the States.
   Would I like to live that long? I guess if I was still mentally (and to some degree physically) capable. If the alternative is ending up in a dank, dark nursing home with less that 3 marbles rolling around upstairs and with a full diaper.....well, that's not "living" to me. At that point if I was mentally able, I think I'd welcome the visit from the Grim Reaper.
   'Nuff said

Putting The "Wild" In Wildlife

 

   And we start with the story of an elk who was causing problems for a rancher in British Columbia. A bull elk to be exact. With a nice 6-point sent of antlers. Which were removed. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
   Our story is really about forbidden love. Seems Mr. Elk wasn't simply ravaging rancher Jone's supply of feedstock. It seems the large Lothario was ravaging his cows! The farmer says more than once the bull elk was engaged in the act of love with more than one of his cows. He says it literally was elk-porn!
   The elk was tranquillized and de-horned, so to speak, before being moved out of the area. Why take his antlers? Well, it's mating season for them (as you've probably already worked out for yourself) and since the fellow did have a nice rack. officials cut off the antlers to make him less appealing to hunters.
   And to keep the rancher's cows safe if he ever makes it back.
   And just in case you were wondering, no. The 2 species could not produce offspring. Elk have 8 more chromosomes than cattle

   Our second story is one that almost defies logic. A woman in  North Dakota wants legislators to move a Deer Crossing sign from a busy stretch of interstate. Was it blocking the view of traffic? No. Was it in an area where there are no deer? No.
   No, the woman says the sign should be moved to get the deer to cross at another location! She wonders why they're encouraged to cross a busy highway where they could be in an accident with a vehicle. By her logic, the government put the deer crossings there, so they can direct the deer populations anywhere they want to by moving that deer crossing sign to a lower traffic area.
   Oh my fucking god! Just when you think people can't get any stupider.....this. Lets just hope this woman didn't breed.
   And maybe she should get a better tin-foil hat. Or stop power slamming Armageddon beers! (see below).
   'Nuff said.

Now That's A Beer!

   We've all done it. When you hit legal drinking age, or have fake I.D or someone willing to bootleg for you, you go to the liquor store and grab the highest test (alcohol) beer you can get. You know the stuff. It's got anywhere between 6 and 8% alcohol. Then, there are the revved up beers with an alcohol content similar to wine at 14%. Beers like Samichlaus.
   Then, you get to the ones with the same content as distilled spirits at 40%. There was one at 57% alcohol, Schorschbrau Schorschbock from Germany. That was the Guinness World Record. Until now.
   A Scottish brewery has popped the top on "Armageddon". With an alcohol content of, get ready for it, 65%! Each 330 ml bottle (that's 12 ounces in English) has the same alcohol content as 10 pints of high test Carlsberg. Or 16 times more potent that a pint of lager in a pub.
   And it ain't cheap either. One bottle will run $130.00. For one bottle! And checking the brewery's website, I couldn't find how they got the content that high. Probably a mix of distilling and/or freezing out the water. But they aren't saying. Anyway, one reviewer who tasted it says there was no alcohol "burn", and that it was quite smooth. A little too bitter for his taste, but smooth.
   Now, the company making this monstrosity says it's not a pizza beer, or something you can power slam. Shit, if you did, you'd probably end up pushing up the daisies from alcohol poisoning.
   No, Brewmeister Brewery says it's more like a brandy, or a good whiskey. Meant to be sipped with friends. And at 130 bucks a pop, you can bet problem drinkers won't touch it.
   But you can also be guaranteed that some stupid teen or young adult WILL power-bomb the whole thing back. Just to see what happens. Not that all young people are totally irresponsible, but I was young once, and I remember (sort of) doing just as idiotic stuff myself.
   Anyway, congratulations Armageddon, for being the most powerful beer in the world. Until someone "one-ups" you with something at 70%.
   Will I be trying it? Hell, no. I like my liver!
   'Nuff said.

Busted

   A very disturbing case in my home country involving child porn. The RCMP along with several municipal forces have busted 21 people and seized more than 100 computers, 1 thousand discs and thousands of images. 16 of the people arrested have been charged.
   "Operation Snapshot" was in the 3 prairie provinces, Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba, along with 2 territories, and started in June. In total 14 police forces in 15 communities were involved. The most disturbing part of this is the ages of the kids. Most were under 12, and it included toddlers and infants.
   Before I go off on a rant about this, there was one more or less happy outcome where a boy, who was 14 at the time of his abuse, was rescued in Saskatchewan. Rescued maybe from the awful people who harmed him, but far from rescued from the debilitating emotional scars this will leave. The cretin who abused him has already pleaded guilty, and sentenced to 30 months.
   And now, the rant: 30 months for abusing a child and (allegedly) being part of a child porn ring? You have got to be kidding! This piece of filth should have been given 30 YEARS with no parole. Period! And hopefully (but not likely) this will stir our lazy politicians in Ottawa to bring in the harshest measures yet for people who make and/or distribute this garbage.
   I'm thinking the 30 years as a minimum. But what I'm really thinking is it's time for our spineless M.P's to bring back the death penalty for "people" who do this to children. I know, innocent until proven guilty.....due process and all that. But it also seems sometimes that the people who get fair treatment are the accused. The victims get victimized again during the legal process, which can and does sometimes take years.
   One solution I keep hearing about is chemical sterilization. Several studies have proven it does not work. My solution would be to mechanically de-bone the guilty parties. Hell, I have a dull, rusty spoon they could use.
   Even better, put these walking scumbags in the general prison population, turn off the security cameras for 15 minutes and let the other cons mete out some jailhouse justice. Which won't happen, meaning taxpayers will foot the bill for segregated cells so these bastards can be kept safe from harm. Which is bullshit.
   And to the law enforcement teams who took part, a big salute and keep up the good work.
   'Nuff said

Tuesday Musings

   And we start with a story about an issue that's become all to commonplace. Cyber bullying. You may have heard about this, it's sure making headlines in Canada. 15 year old Amanda Todd committed suicide last week, after suffering years of torment, both on line and in real life. She was 12 when someone on a chat site convinced her to flash herself. She did, and that's when the trouble started. I won't go into detail, but the upshot is she had to change schools several times, and the man who (allegedly) grabbed the picture of her continues to pester her. I don't know if you've seen her video, but it's heartrending to say the least.
   Now, someone has come forward claiming to know the identity of the man who convinced Amanda to flash. Of course, police and lawyers are now protecting HIM, asking people not to take vigilante action.
   Bullcrap. I say take the S.O.B and (if guilty) nail his testicles to a tree and let him hang there.

   On a somewhat happier note, a woman in France was stuck with a huge cell phone bill. For 15 quadrillion dollars. That's 15 with 15 zero's behind it. Needless to say, she can't pay that. To the phone company's credit, even though it took several frantic calls on her part, they realized their mistake and issued the woman a bill for 150 dollars.

   And on a much happier note, the NHL handed the players union a new revenue share proposal at a meeting in Toronto today, calling for a 50-50 split. The union has (at the time of writing) yet to respond. If they do settle, the season would start November 2nd.
   And if true, it would also spell the end of the Leaf's streak of no losses so far this season.
   Get it done!!
   'Nuff said.

He Did It!..CORRECTION

   Indeed he did! Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner jumped from a helium filled balloon over the New Mexico desert, and in the process set several new world records. Not the least of which was becoming the first man to break the sound barrier without a jet engine.
   He also set the mark for the highest ever skydive at some 24 miles high, breaking a 52 year old record set by Joe Kittenger in 1960 of 19 miles high. He also set the mark for the highest manned ascent in a balloon.
   Baumgartner's speed hit more than 13 hundred k/mh, more than 834 mph, on his way down. Which took 9 minutes.
   Kittenger, who was part of Baumgartner's team, hit 614 mph back in 1960, but unlike Baumgartner, he had a drogue parachute deployed to keep him stable during his descent. In fact, Baumgartner was set to deploy his drogue chute after he started spinning at a high rate before regaining control.
   His attempts had been foiled earlier by winds exceeding 2 mph, which was the maximum his 55 storey high, extremely flimsy balloon could take before ripping apart.
   In the video's, you can clearly see the curvature of the earth. And Baumgartner's leap. And while it was great seeing this, I'll keep my feet firmly on Terra Firma thanks.
   Like the old saying, the more Firma, the less Terra!
   'Nuff said.
   *****Sorry. Math was never my strong suit. After reviewing various sources, I've had to revise the speed which Baumgartner attained. Originally, I stated (incorrectly) he hit 860 mph. His actual top speed was in the region of 834*****