It's Just A Beer

   That's what the folks at Earls restaurants are telling a woman in Vancouver with, apparently, not much to do. Earls is a chain of eateries in Western Canada and Ontario which is now the target of a human rights complaint in British Columbia.
   Over a beer. It's actually a house beer called Albino Rhino with a picture of..you got it..an Albino Rhino on the label. Obviously, it's a light colored beer, an ale to be precise, and it's only been on Earl's menu for 20 years!
   So why is this woman, Ikponwosa Ero, frothing about it? Well, it seems she suffers from albinism,  the absence of pigment from the skin, hair and eyes. She was born in Nigeria, where albino's are sometimes targeted for ritualistic murder. That's why she and her family came to Canada. And a valid reason it seems as well.
   But to tie up the courts on a human rights complaint over a fucking beer?!? That's bullshit! Hopefully the courts will throw this back in her face. And slap her with the costs. Oh, yeah. Seems she's also pissed about the Albino Wings that are also part of Earls menu.
   Get a grip. You ASKED to come to this country. You were not asked to come. If it upsets you that much, leave. Or better still, don't go to Earls.
   Now.....who's up for an Albino Rhino?
   'Nuff said.

Benny And Fidel

   It sorta sounds like a comedy duo, doesn't it? But it's not. Two octogenarian dictators got together in Havana this week. One's a political dictator, the other religious. We're talking about the pope meeting former Cuban leader Fidel Castro.
   The 85 year old Castro asked the 84 year old Benny "what does a pope do anyway"? Benny replied "travel, my ministry and service to the church".
   One of these men has been accused of several crimes, including funding and exporting terrorism, murder, rape, and pillaging among others.
   Castro's certainly no saint either. O-kay, to be a little fair to Benny, he didn't actually go out and kill, rape or pillage, but the organization he now heads sure has. And at least Castro, to the best of my knowledge, hasn't turned a blind eye to people in his organization who abuse little kiddies. Or move them to another part of the world.
   Anyway, to all appearances the meeting was cordial as they talked about the world situation (no mention of any blockades), and the problems of mankind. Not that either of them had any solutions.
   There's no word if the pope invited Castro to Rome for a return visit, so I guess we'll have to wait for the 2nd installment of the Benny and Fidel comedy hour. If either live that long.
   'Nuff said.

Waiting For The Mothership

   That's what a 20 thousand member strong cult is doing in France. More specifically, in a village near the Pic de Bugarach. That's a so-called "upside down" mountain where, for some unknown geological reason, rock samples taken from its peak are actually older than points measured at lower elevations. Scientists say that is because when the 4 thousand foot mountain erupted, its peak flipped upside down before crashing back down upon the mountain's base.
   Well, this cult, called Esoterics, seems to think the mountain is home to "aliens" who will "rescue" them before the world comes to an end December 21st 2012, and transport them to a new civilization. December 21, 2012, by the way, is the date some people interpret the Mayan calendar ALSO predicts the end of the world.
   And now, with "believers" saturating the town, the French government is concerned about the possibility of mass suicides as that date draws closer.
   Oh, my fucking god! If people are that fucking stupid (and they apparently ARE..look at the Solar Temple cult as an example), then maybe the French should do nothing, and let our friend Darwin have his rule and thin that particular herd before they start breeding.
   It'll be fun to see what the survivors, if any, have to say on December 22nd!.
   So, to the "Esoterics", good luck! All I can say is remember Harold Camping and how he got it wrong.....4 TIMES!
   Any maybe think about poking a few holes in those tinfoil hats to let some oxygen in.
   'Nuff said.

Umm..If You Say This Is A Good Campaign Picture

   One of her hubcaps is missing! That's Danielle Smith, leader of what's called the Wildrose party in Alberta. There's an election campaign on in that province, and this is the bus they rolled out to start it. Do you see what I see? Yup! She's got tires for tits or tits for tires.
   This wasn't photo shopped by the other parties running in the campaign. This was the actual bus. Needless to say, this caused quite a kerfuffle in her party, not to mention a few titters among her rivals. This picture even got on Jay Leno's Tonight Show recently, showing any publicity is good publicity.
   To be fair, her picture was moved AHEAD of the wheels as soon as this made the rounds, but she's gonna have a hell of a time living that down. And I pity the poor fuckers who thought it was a good idea to just go ahead and have the bus done like that before they checked to make sure there were no boo-boos!
   I could go on making poor jokes, and while I don't want to come across as a big boob, or a huge tit, I've just got to wonder. Is her bra a re-tread?
   'Nuff said.

How Low Can You Go

   If you're Hollywood director James Cameron, right to the bottom. Literally. He piloted a one man deep submersible down to the very depths of the deepest ocean. The Marianas Trench. How deep? How does 35,576 feet grab you! That's 7 miles. Straight down.
   Put another way, if you dropped the tallest mountain in the world..Mount Everest..into the trench, there would still be a mile of water over the peak. That's fucking deep. The trip down took 2 hours and 36 minutes, and Cameron spent 3 hours on the bottom. He'd been hoping for 6, but even still that eclipses the 20 minutes the ONLY OTHER 2 HUMANS TO GO THAT DEEP spent on the bottom. And that was 52 years ago in 1960! That means there have been 4 times as many men to walk on the moon than explore the Challenger Deep.
   Cameron teamed up with National Geographic for the trip to Davy Jones Locker, and a dangerous one it could have been. The pressure at that depth is the equivalent of 3 SUV 's resting on one of your toes. One little leak, or crack in a window and it would have been over instantly for him. He wouldn't even have had time to say "Oh, Shit!".
   Now, I'm not a big fan of Cameron's movies. Terminator was o-kay, Titanic was a titanic waste of my time. And as for Avatar..lets just say I got through about 10 minutes before turning off the DVD.
   And Cameron himself comes across as being a smug S.O.B, which I guess is a plus in Tinseltown. But I'll say this. Mr. Cameron, you've got balls to do that. Solo no less! And this is ONE movie of yours I'm looking forward to when National Geographic airs it. And if you ever build a 2-man sub, give me a call! I'd like to see the bottom of the sea myself. And I promise, I won't eat bean burritos before we go.
   'Nuff said.

The Darwin That Got Away

   A Michigan woman did have a close call for a Darwin Award the other day, taking a long walk of a short pier. Really! Bonnie Miller was walking on the pier with hubby and son, and found out that last step was a lulu!
   She fell in to a channel that feeds Lake Michigan. Her husband and a passerby jumped in when they saw she was having difficulty swimming in the chilly water, while her son helped get her to a ladder. Police, fire and Coast Guard also rolled to the 9-1-1 call and helped out.
   Did I mention she was TEXTING at the time and didn't see the end of the pier was near? We've already had one case where someone was texting while listening to music and didn't hear the train that got him. And there have been plenty of incidents where texting while driving has lead to tragedy. This woman managed to avoid it, but says she's learned a lesson.
   No shit!
  'Nuff said.
   

A Box Office Flop

   I have yet to see the movie, and probably won't. None of the people I know are willing to see it either.
   Disney now admits it has a flop on their hands with the 250 million dollar "John Carter" fiasco. Not to mention the tens of millions hyping this flick. So far, the movie has brought in just 184 million worldwide, and Disney says they stand to lose 200 mil in this quarter on the pic.
   You've probably heard the plot of the Edgar Rice Burrows story. Former American Civil war hero John Carter is prospecting for gold in Arizona, and runs afoul of the Apaches. While hiding in a cave, he somehow is "transported" to Barsoom, which we know as Mars, where the lower gravity gives the erstwhile Carter almost superhuman strength.
   He goes on several adventures, yadda, yadda, yadda, meets the smoking hot Dejah Thoris (who becomes his "love interest") before mysteriously returning to Earth 9 years later. It's the stuff teen-age boys LOVE, or at least used to. Nearly naked women, swashbuckling heroes, an exotic setting. But it's not enough to save Disney from having an epic fail on their hands. It seems teenage boys would rather google pictures of real naked women. When they're not blasting aliens in some video game.
   And since there were a total of 10 novels in the Barsoom series, does that mean we can expect 9 more flops?
   I doubt it. Disney will have to put this Mickey Mouse effort behind them, and go back to what they do best. Animated shit for little kiddies.
   'Nuff said

Celebretards Again

   Yup! It's time to pay a visit to Tinsel Town to see what those wacky celebrities are up to!
   And we'll start with Lady KaKa, of Gag-me or whatever. Gaga I think. Apparently, she's taken a "vow of silence". Seems in an interview with Oprah that she said she's not going to talk to anyone for "a very long time".  "No press, no television, if my mom calls and says, ‘Did you hear about…’ I shut it all off.” Does that mean no singing either? Please?? And while we're at it, is they any way you can get that pig Oprah to Shut The Fuck Up? PLEASE!!!!!
   Moving on..Jessica Simpson's "baby bump". Bump? It looks like she stuffed an entire mountain up there. And she had the gall to wear..of all things..a snakeskin print outfit! Holy shit! It looked like a fucking python ate a dwarf! Jess..hurry up and calve already.
   And finally (and none too soon at that) Katy Perry. Seems she's getting her own character in an upcoming expansion pack for the Sims. Specifically, a Katy Perry-themed Collector's Edition of the game is now available for Windows PCs and Macs.
   That's one game I'm glad I don't play. Maybe we can get Gaga to get HER to Shut The Fuck Up as well!
    'Nuff said.

Kony 12..UPDATE

   So, it seems the director of Kony 2012 (see my entry from March 10) has been arrested. Yup! Jason Russell was busted in San Diego and sent to a Pysch ward after..get ready for it..(allgedly) getting stoned, and then naked in the street.
   Seems he was "under the influence" of something when he ran into the street in a Speedo, then pulled off the Speedo and supposedly started stroking the salami! Well, to quote the report I saw, he made "sexual gestures".
   A statement from his "Invisible Children" group says he's been "suffering from exhaustion, dehydration, and malnutrition". Bullshit. He's probably "suffering" from partying too hard with Hollywood "celebs" after his new-found fame.
   A release from the "charity's" CEO goes on to say "the past two weeks have taken a severe emotional toll on all of us, Jason especially, and that toll manifested itself in an unfortunate incident". Can anyone say major damage control? Maybe spinning this a little to try and lessen the potential impact?
   O-kay, maybe I'm being a little harsh.........Maybe not.
   I said back in my original post that I thought the video (what I managed to watch anyway) was self-serving, and I stand by that comment. This incident simply re-inforces my view, especially since he's had an offer to SELL the video to some lord high mucky-muck producer.
   Hope you enjoyed your 2 weeks of fame Jason! Most of us don't even get the 15 minutes. And as for your campaign to get Kony..well, the jury's out on that.
   'Nuff said.

Perfume For The Pope

   Yup! Benny's getting his own scent. And not your run of the mill cologne either. No, that's not good enough for the pope. Instead, he's getting his own, personalized pong, made by an Italian firm.
   The boutique maker says the stuff reflects Benny's "love of nature". And while not giving away any trade secrets, it supposedly includes "a hint of lime, and grass".
   Don't think you'll be able to purchase any of this, it's been made specially for the pope, and him only.
   And I guess with the stench of scandal and corruption hanging in the air of the vatican like stale communion wine in any diocese, it's just as well Benny get's something to remove him further from reality.
   The only thing not released was a name for this scent. But I've got a couple of suggestions. Parfum de Pedophile Priest, and L'Eau de Altar Boy might fit.
   'Nuff said.

Are You Sure This Will Make My Ass Look Bigger?..Part 2

   Yup! it's happened again. Someone giving illegal ass injections trying to boost the female posterior. But unlike the case I blogged about March 1st, this one is really nasty.
   Seems a Florida "woman", Oneal Ron Morris (a guy who was born a man but identifies female), was originally busted in November for injecting flat tire sealant, caulking, superglue and even cement (what a hard-ass) into 3 women's buttocks. And it's not the first time this has happened either.
   Not surprisingly, all 3 had 'medical complaints' and infections...DUHH!!
   Now Mr/Ms Oneal also faces charges because he/she wore a nurses uniform, gloves and a tag while giving the backside boosters.
   She/he is free on 85 hundred dollars bond, and his/her lawyer says his client maintains innocence.
   You just wonder that, if convicted. Oneal will get a different kind of hard cock in his/her ass in prison. He/she will, of there's any justice out there.

You Suck!

   I'm not sure what it's like where you live, but that's the finding of a new survey on Canadian federal politicians. Not surprisingly, the majority of respondents to a right-wing think tank poll had a not too favorable view of the people we elect to lead us.
   Some of the questions included our feeling toward politicians. 77% said either somewhat or very unfavorable. 58% feel politicians are unprincipled, 69% feel they're dishonest, 90% say they feel they are more concerned with money than the people the suppposedly represent. And the list goes on.
   And it doesn't seem to matter which party people were asked about. It's basically the same shit in a different pile.
   So, what do we do about it? The short answer is, aside from bitching about it, not very much. It's difficult, if not impossible, to re-call M.P's and hold then to account outside of an election. And when we DO go to the polls every 4 years or so, it's the same asshole running for the same party. And if that person is an incumbent, it's hard to knock them off.
   And it seems that people don't want to run for high elected office, so nothing is likely to change. At least not in the near future. And those that do get in, even if they are dedicated to makng a difference, are all too soon swallowed up in party politics, and fear the leader's wrath of they step out of line.
   There are a few Members of Parliament who ARE hard working, and DO try and represent their consituents. But they are few and far between.
   So, until we in Canada at least have a fundamental review of our system, it'll be the same old same old. And since the people who would do such a review are the ones we elect, nothing is going to change.
   'Nuff said.

That's A Big Lawsuit!

   Just how big? How does 27 billion dollars Canadian suit you. That's what the Big 3 tobacco companies in this country are being sued for in a class action case. And it's being brought by a group of Quebec smokers, who have a reputation as being some of the heaviest puffers of the death stick in Canada.
   The smokers claim in a lawsuit that they were duped for years by big tobacco companies, as they became addicted to cigarettes and then suffered from serious health problems, and that they were "programmed" to start by T.V commercials in the '60's.
   Not surprisingly, the tobacco companies say with all the publicly available information on the dangers of tobacco, smokers must take responsibility for their decision to light up.
   Being a former addict to cigarettes, and one who's now paying a bit of the price for it, I say tough shit! No one from the tobacco companies busted down your door, strapped you to a chair and force fed you cigarettes. Like me, you made a conscious choice to start smoking. I am not suing any company for anything because I was not forced into it. Free will and freedom of choice are yours. If you (like me) choose to smoke, then you'd better be ready to suffer the consequences. I am. But I'm also not burdening (so far) the health care system. Shit. I've put WAY more into that through taxes than I've ever taken out. Sure, it sucks to pay the piper's price for smoking, but that son of a bitch demands his due. Do I wish I`d never started? Hell yes. Do I blame anyone for getting me hooked? Just myself.
   I also made the conscious decision more than a decade ago to quit. Successfully. So successfully that it's to the point now where I can't stand the smell of tobacco smoke.
   As for this lawsuit, It's not the first, and it won't be the last, since several provinces are already lining up to sue. But I won't be part of any litigation.
   I guess what I`m saying with smoking is "buyer beware".
   'Nuff said.

Kony 12

   You've no doubt heard about this. Probably you've seen the video. It's a viral campaign started by a group called "Invisible Children" to try and get Ugandan warlord Joseph Kony arrested and brought to justice.
   And there's no doubt Kony should be put down like the rabid dog he is. The guy's an asshole. Kidnapping children and forcing them to be fighters with his "Lords Resistance Army" is just one of the atrocities this guy's accused of.
   And now, there's a half hour video on the web from this "Invisible Children" group. They've been trying to raise awareness of Kony since 2004. The non-profit group now finds itself under attack for oversimplifying the situation in Uganda. Even people in that African nation say the focus is a little late, since some say Kony's already left the country, and his once powerful army is down to a few hundred followers. And they say the film also seems to ignore atrocities perpetrated by the Ugandan Army itself.
   Invisible Children also has faced questions about its governance in light of financial statements showing a large proportion of funds were used for travel and film production rather than charity work.
   Now, the sceptic in me has really come out about this whole campaign. I stand behind my statement calling for the son of a bitch Kony to be snuffed out. But even that could create a problem with some OTHER warlord stepping in an eventually making Kony look like a saint. Where my problem lies is with the director of the film Jason Russell's whole approach.
   I started watching the film, but I shut it off in the first few minutes because I thought his attitude was self serving. Look at me! I'm wonderful! I've started an internet campaign to have someone arrested! Of course, getting endorsements from "celebrities" like Oprah and others doesn't hurt. Shit, he's already had an offer to buy the film from a powerful producer, Harvey Weinstein. Russell couldn't be using this as a springboard to fame as a  Hollywood director..could he? Damn. I keep forgetting. Sarcasm does not translate well on a computer screen.
   What this whole thing about gearing up for a poster rally in April smells like to me is another "occupy" type thing that idiot Kalle Lasn started.
   This whole campaign has just got that creepy, self serving feel about it. And that's why I closed the video down after just a few minutes. The whole thing seems a little "off".
   'Nuff said.

Damn Speeders!

   We've all suffered from "lead foot" every now and then when we get behind the wheel. You know, you do 10 or 15 km/h over the limit (that's about 6 to 10 mph) and hope you don`t get caught. And you`re usually looking at a hefty fine if you do get caught. Especially in a school zone.
   Our tale today comes from a community near Victoria, B.C where a driver was nabbed doing TWICE the posted limit of 30 km/h. And did our Canadian version of Jeff Gordon get a hefty fine? Points on his license? No. Did he even get a ticket??? No.
   It turn's out our maniac speeder is..get ready for it..100 years old! Oh, yeah. He also had a 5-year renewal sticker. And an absolutely (until now) spotless driving record! Apparently, not even a speeding ticket..still!
   Instead, he got a stern lecture by the officer, along with a "finger wag" for good measure. The pointer finger by the way, not the fuck finger.
   This is not bullshit, and I'm NOT making this up, but he was driving a Buick Century!
   'Nuff said.

Recipie For Disaster?

   This just might fit that description. Seems a judge in Colorado says a ban on students carrying CONCEALED WEAPONS on the University of Colorado saw the board or regents on the campus overstep ther authority.
   It seems state legislation allowing concealed-carry weapons trumps the University's ban. Anyone ever hear of Virginia Tech where 32 died in 2007, and another 2 just last year? Anyone ever hear of Northern Illinois University where 6 died in 2008? And the list goes on.
   Now, I can sort of see why a student might need to bring a gun to class.....No, I can't. Not even for those tough math problems. You know the kind: "Bobby's Glock has 11 bullets. If Bobby starts shooting randomly, how many people will he kill before turning the gun on himself?"
   Not funny, I know. But neither is allowing students to carry concealed weapons to class in a university! And it wasn't the majority of students calling for an end to the ban. It was 3. That's right, 3 students bitched about not "having the legal right to bear arms".
   And as shocking as this may seem, less than half of the States in the U.S ban carrying concealed weapons on campus. Just 22 States.
   A Colorado University spokeman  said it is unclear how the ruling will affect other university properties such as the university's football stadium in Boulder and its hospital in suburban Denver.
   Now, I'd normally make some kind of crude or flippant comment to wrap up a post, but in this case all I can say is I hope we don't hear of a tragic shooting spree there anytime soon.
   'Nuff said.

People Are Just Dying To Get On My Blog

   Or so it would seem. In addition to all the North American Darwin wannabes, comes a tale of self fulfilling prophecy from Sri Lanka. Today's hero wanted to get into the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest time buried alive.
   And the 24 year old went to great lengths to try and get in as well. With the help of family and friends, he buried himself in a trench sealed with wood and earth. With the predictable result. He was buried about 9:30 Saturday morning, and wasn't dug up for almost 7 hours. When he was, he was rushed to hospital, but pronounced Dead On Arrival. No shit.
   Doctors say they were unsure how the man died. Really? I would've thought that would be clear immediately. Either suffocation or crushing injuries.
   What really hurts is that from what I've been able to find out there is no recognized category for the longest time buried alive. That doesn't mean there isn't, just that I couldn't find it.
   I wonder of they'll save money on his funeral and just re-plant him in his self made grave.
   'Nuff said.

Another Candidate

   2012 is the Chinese Year of the Dragon. It's also the year, according to the Mayan calendar, that the world will  come to an end. But 2012 may well also be the Year of the Darwin, because WE HAVE ANOTHER CONTENDER!! Yes, that's right. Someone else may have self selected himself out of the gene pool in a stupid, pointless way.
   We already have 3 people who were killed by trains they didn't hear 'cause they were listening to music on their headphones.
   Then there's the guy in Quebec killed while being dragged behind a minivan on a couch in a stupid, and to him fatal, game called "couch surfing".
   Today's tentative entry is for the equally idiotic "car surfing", where someone stands on the hood of a car while it's moving. Which sounds kinda cool. Until the driver hits the brake. Which is what happened to our guy. He was sent sliding off the hood of a Toyota and slammed onto the asphalt. Now, buddy's not dead..at least not yet..but he is in the trauma unit of a Toronto hospital with "life threatening head injuries". No shit.
   We've all had close calls..hell, I've had more than 1 myself..but to put yourself in a position where death may be not just one, but the only option?? What the fuck?
   It makes me wonder if he wasn't brain dead before he tried this stunt.
   'Nuff said.

Are You Sure This Will Make My Ass Look Bigger?

   Women. After 25+ years of being married to one, I'll be god damned if I can figure them out. Take shopping for instance. Your sweetie comes out of the change room in a fairly tight-fitting outfit, and before you can say ANYTHING, she asks "does this make my ass look big"? And man, you're fucked if you don't answer "no" quick enough.
   Which brings me to the point of my post. Seems cops in the U.S have arrested a woman for giving buttock enhancement injections to a British woman that may have played a role in her death. It was last year the 20 year old Brit died after getting injections at a hotel near the Philadelphia airport. Not a clinic hmm? And you're willing to pay someone you don't know to get a needle in the rump full of who knows what? I'd laugh if it was Tenderflake lard! Talk about a lard-ass! Sorry, I just couldn't resist. I'll try harder next time.
   Anyway, our suspect was arrested at what's known as a "pumping party", where she'd inject clients. And one of them got sick. Surprise, surprise. Now, I realize health care in the States is expensive, and cosmetic surgery will run quite a bit, but low cost butt enhancement injections? Shit, low cost ANYTHING "cosmetic" and you end up getting exactly what you pay for.
   I'm sorry, butt I can't help butt laugh my ass off!
   'Nuff said.

*****UPDATE***** Train vs People

   We do indeed have an update on the running tally of trains versus people. Last time, it was Trains-3, People-0 due to idiots listening to music on their ear-buds and/or texting while walking in front of a train.
   Our update comes from Regina, Saskatchewan, where a guy walking along the track very early in the morning got hit by a freight. Cops say our guy was extremely drunk when he received a glancing blow. He wasn't killed, and the train didn't derail so I guess this technically goes onto the scorecard as a goal-less draw.
   Apparently our hero managed to walk (stagger) for help.
   I hope he was just drunk enough to dull the pain, but not so drunk that he can't boast about it to his buddies over a beer.
   'Nuff said.