Terry Jones Is An Idiot

   Not the Terry Jones of Monty Python fame. That guy's a frikkin' GENIUS. The Terry Jones I'm speaking of is the right-wing 'preacher' in Florida who's been at it again burning the Quran. He burned several more copies Saturday at his so-called Dove Outreach Centre. I dunno who he's reaching out to, but it ain't got nothing to do with doves.
   This religio-fascist fuck-tard Islamophobe doesn't seem to grasp the basic principal of 'you reap what you sow'. Now, I'm not a huge fan of Islam myself, but I don't go around burning the Quran. I'm also not a huge fan of Christianity, but I don't go around burning copies of the Big Book of Thou Shalt Not (the bible) either. As you are well aware, I'm an atheist who has no use for religion at all. But I'm also enough of a realist to let those who do believe practice those beliefs as they wish. Preferably peacefully. And as long as they don't turn up on my doorstep.
   But I digress.
   All this stupid prick Jones is doing is fanning the flames of religious hatred even more than they already are. And to top it all off, this douche-bag is running for President of the U.S in the fall. He'd better run with his head down. I do not condone violence, but this idiotic son of a bitch might just find himself a target for a home-grown militant's bullet.
   And for that matter, what's he going to say to the family of the first American or Westerner kidnapped and butchered in the middle east because of his actions? It could happen, you know. If that scenario does play out, I hope the family takes the asshole to court and has him charged with being an accessory after the fact or something.
   Or sue the jerk and his 'church' for everything they've got for the death of their loved one.
   So 'pastor' Jones, it's time you took a big drink from the bottle of Shut The Fuck Up and vanish back into the swamp.
   'Nuff said.

Octo-Mom Plus One

   So, a day after I blogged about Nadya Suleman, better known to the world as Octo-mom after she had octuplets, comes news out of Mexico that a woman has done her one better.
   Karla Vanessa Perez is having 9 babies. Nonuplets, which I guess makes her Nono-Mom. She's having 6 girls and 3 boys, and is due to pop May 20. That's an entire mixed baseball team. Talk about stretch marks!
   And like Nadya, Karla was a selfish bitch and had fertility treatments ensuring she'd have more than one. She's currently being treated in a hospital in northern Mexico, near the Texas border. And from what I've managed to glean from the 'net, 8 is the largest number of babies carried successfully to term with all the kids surviving.
   Maybe Karla and Nadya's kids can get together in the future. They could field 2 complete football (soccer) teams between the 2 of them. With enough left over for some substitutions. Hell, Nadya's got enough for one side already! Shit, for that matter, maybe the moms can get together for Brazilian Blowout haircuts!
   But seriously, people should not be fucking around with nature. If you're meant to have kids, you have kids. If not, so what. The world's overpopulated as it is, and in my humble (?) view, having 9 is nothing short of being, well, selfish.
   'Nuff said.

Some People Should Not Have Kids

   And "octo-mom", Nadya Suleman, is living proof of that statement. Not only did she put herself in jeopardy carrying the EIGHT babies she had a few years ago, but the kids themselves. You know she's already got SIX other brats. You know she's been on welfare, getting food stamps. You know she's now being investigated after getting a 520 dollar Brazilian Blowout haircut. You probably know her kids, all 14 of them, live in squalor.
   Celebrity website TMZ got photos taken by a friend of Suleman showing kids on potty chairs shitting outside the home. Not inside a nice comfortable bathroom. Outside. On the patio. Because she didn't want to or couldn't pay the plumbing bill of less than 200 bucks! I guess that would keep her from getting another hair-do.
   Some of the other pics purportedly show her kids without pants. Without a proper place to sleep. Without shoes. But with a hell of a lot of graffiti on the walls, supposedly from her older kids. The original 6.
   TMZ also reported child protective services paid a visit, and were literally pounding on the door before being let in. They didn't take the kids away, though they probably should have for their own good. Nor was Suleman arrested for welfare fraud, though she probably should be. At least not yet.
   But here's the thing. If you are going to be a selfish bitch and have 14 kids though fertility treatments make fucking sure you can at least give them a minimum standard of living. And as far as money goes, since she can't sue the "doctor" that gave her all the fertility treatment, maybe she should put her 'goodies' to work and take that million dollar contract she was offered to do a porn and, well, do it.
   And one last thing Nadya. Next time you need a haircut, try Ultracuts or something. Shit, you can get more than 20 "do's" there for the price you paid for the Brazilian.
   'Nuff said.

It Wasn't Meant To Happen

   That's Allison Redford. She and her Progressive Conservative party won a majority in the Alberta provincial election Monday. She wasn't supposed to. At least not according to political watchers in the province. And several polls. No. Danielle Smith (old "tire tits"...see posting of March 27) and her upstart Wildrose Party had been seen as the upset winners. They were the party who would finally dethrone the Tories after 41 years in power.
   It didn't happen. And not just because Albertan's don't like change (before the P.C's got in in 1971, the Social Credit party ruled for 36 years). Indeed, it seemed Smith and company were on cruise control, steaming toward the biggest electoral upset in, well, 41 years! But on the way to the polls, over the course of the campaign, something happened. Like the Titanic 100 years ago captained by someone named Smith, the RMS Wildrose hit an iceberg. A man made one. Their candidates opened their mouths.
   One was a homophobic blog from one candidate saying gays would "roast in a lake of fire". Another candidate said being white gave him a leg up on his competitors. Both continued getting support from Smith who herself came out saying she wasn't convinced climate change was real. From those points on, the party..like the ship, was doomed.
   So, congratulations to Redford and her Tory party, who won 61 of the 87 seats in the Legislature, Wildrose 17. And to Smith and crew: Alberta IS a multi-cultural province, no matter what you think, and there are gays, lesbians etc living there. So before picking candidates for the next election, a suggestion. Screen them first, and if they have these bozo-moments, at least make sure they shut the fuck up about them until AFTER the election!
   'Nuff said.

A Sad Saudi Story

   It seems a 4 year old in Saudi Arabia killed his father for, of all things, not buying him a PlayStation. Yup! Seems the little lad was pissed with dad for refusing his request for the popular gaming console. And so when dad got home without the desired platform and took off his gun and put it down, the kid grabbed it and capped the old man in the head! Holy fucking shit!
   I mean, seriously WTF? I can see a 4 year old getting miffed at not getting a gaming system, but to go real life first person shooter on dad? Really? And just what was dad doing with a gun? Personal protection? I doubt it.
   And what're they going to do with the kid? I mean in Saudi Arabia, they cut murderers heads off with a fucking sword. In public. So, they gonna wait till junior turns 18? Then give him the neckline haircut? Mind you, in that backward country, they'll probably find a way to blame his mother or something.
   And at least the kid's got some "hands on" practice for the next Halo release!
   'Nuff said..

Phoney Baloney Kony

   I dunno what it's like where you live, but the Kony 2012 campaign seems to have fizzled. Last night, April 20/12, was THE DAY when people were supposed to plaster the Kony 2012 posters all over everywhere, in an action called "Cover the Night". Not in my backyard. Driving around my city, I saw none. Not one. Zero. Which is about where the whole campaign ended up. At least in my part of the world, and probably several others too.
   You know the back-story about this. Joseph Kony, Ugandan warlord, grabs kids out of their beds and forces them to become soldiers in his "Lords Resistance Army". Or sex slaves. Well, an American "documentary" maker, Jason Russell, did a half hour thing that went viral and got 100 million hits on You Tube. You know by now I watched the video, or tried to and didn't make it far, and thought it rather self centred and self serving.
   The campaign was also hurt by Russell taking a stroll down a San Diego street naked, while babbling incoherently before being picked up by men in white with butterfly nets and then taken to a Psych ward. His "charity", Invisible Children, has been in damage control since. Not to mention the "charity" itself has come under scrutiny over allegations that a lot of the money raised isn't making it to Africa.
   Compounding it all is the fact Kony isn't in Uganda, and hasn't been for quite some time. I already stated in an earlier post (at least I think I did) that his support has also dwindled to a few hundred at best.
   So, I did not take part in the "Cover the Night" bullshit. I also think it best for "Invisible Children" to stay that way. Oh, yeah. Jason: Here's hoping they give you better drugs in the loony bin than the ones you may apparently have taken before your naked stroll.
   'Nuff said.

A Tale of 2 Drivers

   And both are now in hot water. In the States, one motorist..who did not have a license, and his plate was expired, took off for a joyride in a pick-up. Only to find himself almost 300 miles from home. Or more properly, he was found. Seems he was discovered by workers at an auto body shop in a place called Hillsboro, Ohio. He was taken home by the cops, and his brother says he's kinda surprised his bro drove that far.
   Our second tale comes from Manitoba when another motorist, again without a license, drove the family truck from his rural home to Winnipeg. Apparently, he too got lost, and ended up ditching the truck. He too was found and returned home by the cops. They also found the abandoned pick-up.
   Oh, yeah. I guess I should mention the ages of these 2 delinquents. Our friend in Winnipeg is 13, and the driver in Ohio was 82!
   I guess age knows no boundaries for hooliganism!
   'Nuff said.

The End Of An Era

   Shuttle Discovery has made it's final flight. As you can see, it was piggy-backed from Florida to Washington D.C on a modified 7-47. The oldest, and probably most travelled, shuttle in the now mothballed fleet will be put on display at the Smithsonian in the American Capitol. Her flight career started in August 1984 and ended in February of last year after an amazing 39 missions, and who knows how many miles.
   I was somewhat bemused by the coverage of the final flight and the shuttle's final destination in the media after seeing a report saying the museum would display Discovery as if it had just landed from orbit. Really? I didn't fucking think they'd display it after main engine start or 2 to 3 seconds after the solid rocket boosters fired. And I can also see problems displaying it like she was in orbit.
   O-kay, I'm being a little snarky. But you see my point. Short of having the VAB (Vertical Assembly Building) at the ready, it's kinda hard to display her any other way.
   To say I was sorry to see the end of the Shuttle era is an understatement of vast proportions. I was born before the first satellite was launched by Russia in 1957, making me a product of the space age. I vividly recall watching John Glenn's first ride into space in February 1962. Needless to say, I also watched all the moon shots, Apollo-Soyuz mission and as many of the Shuttle launch/landings as I could.
   No offense to my American friends, but not having a launch-orbit and return system is rather dumb. I understand the need to cut back spending, but ending all space missions for who knows how long doesn't make a lot of sense to me. Especially since a return to the moon, let alone a mission to Mars isn't on the horizon for an apparently long time.
   The end of an era is always a little sad. Especially when there's nothing to replace it.
   'Nuff said.

Would YOU Put Ketchup On This?

   So, it seems a guy in Vancouver B.C has come up with the most expensive hotdog on the planet. Apparently, this thing is soaked in century old cognac, and is called the Dragon Dog. It leaves it's nearest competitor, the Haute Dog from New York looking like a reject from a 7-11 counter top wiener warmer. At least price wise. This Dragon Dog is topped with Kobe beef seared in olive and truffle oil, fresh lobster and a picante sauce. The Haute Dog in New York will run you $69 bucks. The Dragon Dog will cost $100. Yup! A C-note. For a fucking foot long hotdog. At least after you eat one, you can honestly say you've had a Guinness World Record, cause at 100 beans, that's just what it is.
   Shit, for that price, you could almost buy 4 two-foot-long, gourmet hot dogs at the Texas Rangers ballpark. Each of those suckers is 2 pounds and comes with shredded cheese, chili and sauteed onions, and could feed a family of 3 or 4.
   Or, you could simply go to your favorite grocery store, pick up a 12 pack of weenies for about 6 bucks, a dozen buns for about 3 and simply make your own.
   And if you're wondering if I'd put ketchup on the Dragon Dog, the answer is HELL YES! I'd even put mustard on that bastard. Grey Poupon Dijon, of course.
   'Nuff said.

SEX!!

   Now that I have your attention, today's post does in fact deal with what a lot of people have on their minds a lot of the time.
   And first, we start in the U.S where a guy who's now in prison is suing the hospital he was circumcised in as an infant! Buddy says the procedure has "robbed him of his sexual prowess". You'd think in a prison, sexual prowess would be the last thing on your mind. Unless he's a jailhouse Suzie. Anyway, he's after one thousand dollars in compensation and punitive damages. Good luck with that! Legal fees alone would be far over that. Oh, yeah. The best part is our guy wants to have the circumcision reversed. OUCH!
   A bigger question is, what would they use? An eyelid? That'd make him cock-eyed for sure!
   Our next tale of tail comes from Ontario, and a rather ignorant or innocent premier. Dalton McGuinty was heard to ask reporters "What's a Bunny Ranch?" when they asked him about a report that Toronto might become the home for one.
   When told it was a Nevada brothel, old Dalton was heard to say "We're not going there---next question".
   The whorehouse is eyeballing Canada's biggest city after a court struck down bawdy house laws.
   Way to stay in touch Dalton. I guess YOU'VE never been to Vegas! And I've heard stories that what happens at the Bunny Ranch, doesn't always stay there. I guess V.D is nothing to clap about!
   'Nuff said.

Happy Birthday Benny

   It is indeed pope Benny's 85th birthday today. He's now older than the guy he replaced, JP 2, and is showing signs of slowing down. No shit. Benny says he's already starting to feel the icy hand of death getting ready to grip him. He celebrates his 7th year on the throne Thursday.
   Those close to him say he has looked particularly tired since his return from a grueling trip to Mexico and Cuba last month, followed by a hectic week of ceremonies leading up to Easter. But he was alert and smiling on Monday.
   As part of his big day, a bunch of kids in traditional Bavarian costumes (no sign of jackboots) danced for Benny, who had to use a cane and a mobile platform recently just to get around. This again has prompted speculation that he might one day become the first pontiff in seven centuries to resign willingly.
   One retired archbishop openly speculated that someday Benny could choose to step down instead of reigning for life if he felt he could no longer run the Church properly. He's is the only pope in living memory to discuss publicly the possibility of resignation, though others have done so privately. In a book in 2010, he said he would not hesitate to resign if he felt no longer able "physically, psychologically and spiritually" to run the Catholic Church.  And maybe he should.
   The priest sex scandals keep growing all the time, along with speculation of a rift forming among the high ranks in Rome. And continued rumours of corruption won't go away. So, maybe it's time the pope did.
   So, do the "right thing" for once and say "Bye-bye" Benny! A lot of people won't miss you when you're gone.
   'Nuff said.

Texting Terror..Take Two

   A while back, I told you about a woman in the States who was so busy texting she literally walked off the end of a pier and into Lake Michigan. Fortunately, her husband and a bystander saved her from drowning. But not a huge amount of embarrassment.
   People have also fallen down stairs and walked into fountains because what was on their screen was more important than the reality of their situation. I've already mentioned the young man in Canada killed when he was hit by a train while texting and listening to music.
   Now comes the story of a guy in California's north L.A County who was happily walking and texting at the same time. Until he saw the bear.
   Yup! A bear. A real live fucking BEAR. Seems the bruin has a penchant for getting into garbage bins in the area, and has been seen on the stroll so to speak at night. The whole encounter was caught by a KTLA news helicopter. Including the guy's startled reaction. Before he ran away. Probably sporting "brown trousers". He's just lucky Yogi didn't give chase!
   So, another lesson learned. Look up from time to time when your texting, cause you never know what you'll see. It might be a bear. It might be a 45 year old cougar in the bar area!
   'Nuff said.

Only In Canada? Count Your Blessings

   A couple of things on the national radar screen today. One is newer, bigger and more graphic warnings on cigarette packs, which become mandatory in June. There are 16 of them, and not only are they for cigarette packs, but also those small cigars people love. And graphic they are! A Health Canada copyright prevents me from sharing any of them, which is probably for the best, since one shows a tongue ravaged by cancer. It's not a pretty sight, I can tell you.
   Will these new warnings, which will cover 75% of any pack, get people to quit? Not a fucking chance! As a former addict, and anyone of you who smokes knows, it's hard to quit. Very hard. Even if you get diagnosed with emphysema.
   Will it keep people from starting? It might, but since the focus is on trying to keep young people from picking up the habit, I doubt it. The old saying "It Can't Happen To Me" applies.
   Moving on.
   The Feds have also introduced MANDATORY language testing for certain would be immigrants to Canada. Specifically, those taking semi or low skilled jobs. They would be required to show some proficiency in either English or French. Meaning reading, speaking, writing and listening abilities would come under the microscope. Higher skilled workers would not be required to take the test.
   Can anybody say LAWSUIT? Because I'm sure that's exactly whats going to happen when someone fails the test and is refused entry. And it could be on several issues. Race, religion, refugee status. Take your pick.
   Maybe we should test our politicians proficiency. Or people in the media! I'm sure a lot of them would fail.
   'Nuff said.

The Axe Is Falling

   It is indeed at Canada's "National" Broadcaster, the CBC. That's the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation for my foreign viewers. It's kinda like the BBC, but a lot shittier. Which is why I call it the Crappy Broadcorping Castration. This TAXPAYER funded corporation has had it's budget hacked by 10% by the federal government. The budget, by the way, is $1.15 BILLION dollars, Canadian. It means the network faces a $225 million shortfall.
   The "Mother Corp" as it's known is now doing the thing they do best..bitching and complaining about having to cut programs (Canadian made, and usually shitty production, acting, writing and subject matter), and having to actually run advertising on some of their radio networks (like PRIVATE radio's been doing successfully for decades). Boo fucking hoo!
   If you're going to whine about budget shortfalls, try getting rid of staff, although there were staffing cuts announced. I have a friend who's in the media who told me every time there's a big news conference, the CBC sends 6 people. Usually in 4 vehicles. That`s an English radio AND T.V reporter plus a cameraman. Along with a French radio and T.V reporter and cameraman. And this buddy of mine says 99.7% of the time NO ONE IN THE EVENT EVEN SPEAKS FRENCH!! So right there, they could cut 3 positions and 2 vehicles by having 1 cameraman and 2 reporters. One English, the other French.
   This same friend also told me one of the CBC`s on-call reporters works about 28 hours a week. And gets paid $40 thousand a year for doing it. Nice work if you can get it. Which brings up the point that maybe CBC should start cutting the dead wood from the top down.
   As you can tell, I`m not a fan of CBC, and if their funding was cut by the remaining 90%, I`d only care because it`s no longer a drain on my tax dollars.
   So hack away Tories!
   `Nuff said.

Random Monday Ramblings

   The title pretty much says it all for today. And we'll start with Jenna Talackova, the busty blonde a few posts down. You'll know by now "she" was born a "he" and had sexual reassignment surgery and a whack load of hormone treatments.
   You'll also know she's Canada's entry into the Miss Universe pageant who was barred because she wasn't born female, but later reinstated. Seems Jenn's got a man in her life! In fact, they've been seeing each other for 2 1/2 years. She says they needed to bond as friends before she told him about the big 'change' in her life. I'd hope so! Nothing would be worse than getting ready for some steamy, hot sex than hearing "there's something you should know" before getting jiggy with it.
   Anyway, Jenn and said friend say they want to have a couple of kids. That'd be a fun "birds and bees" lecture the kids get, wouldn't it?
   Moving on, the governor of Tennessee's looking at opening an 87 year old can of worms allowing teachers to discuss the theory of creation along with the scientifically proven fact of evolution. Shades of the Scopes Monkey trial which debated evolution vs creationism and what should be taught in schools.
   The bill will let teachers question whether evolution has flaws (not the other way round). Opponents say, in my mind rightly so, that it'll inject relgion into public schools.
   Finally, the Masters. Congratulations to Bubba Watson for his 2nd playoff hole win Sunday at Augusta over Louis Oosthuizen. That really was one helluva shot from the rough to 10 feet away from the pin! But lets also not forget Oosthuizen getting only the 4th ever double eagle in Masters history, and the first EVER Albatross at the par 5 5th.
   As for Tiger..well,
   'Nuff said.
 

*****UPDATE***** Train vs People..Again

   We do have another update to pass along on our "Trains vs People" scorecard. Last time, it was Trains 3, People 1. Well, it looks like People are pulling the game back, because we have another survivor!
   A guy in Thunder Bay, Ontario who was extremely drunk either passed out or just went to sleep between the rails of the tracks the other day, and didn't hear the 70 meter long train that rolled over him. He was either drunk enough not to sit up, or sober enough to realize that sitting up would equal death, because he just lay there until the whole thing went over him. Then he crawled off the track. Must've been pretty fuckin' drunk. Anyway, they took him to hospital, and it turns out our hero wasn't injured.
   So, by my tally, that now makes it Trains 3, People 2.
   Our other survivor was another drunk in Regina, Saskatchewan who got grazed by a freight.
   2 of our non-survivors were listening to music on their ear-buds and didn't even hear the trains whistle when the engineers blew it.
   Our other victim was not only listening to music, but texting at the time.
   I wonder if "People" can pull even, or are the "Trains" going to blow them off the track. I'll keep 'track' of the score. And I'm not sorry for the bad pun either.
   'Nuff said.

Miss Universe Canada

   That busty blonde is Jenna Talackova, Canada's entry into the Donald Trump owned Miss Universe pageant. Finally. You've no doubt heard the story about Jenna being disqualified because she didn't meet a key requirement. "She" was born a"He".
   Jenna was indeed born male, but early on knew he was meant to be a woman. So, several years of hormone treatment, and gender reassignment surgery 4 years ago (the "outie" became an "innie", if you know what I mean), and voila! The result above.
   Jenna was devastated when she was told she was out of the pageant, and hired femi-nazi lawyer Gloria Allred to try and get her back in. Sure as shootin', The Donald caved, and Jen's back in. That is, of course, if she can meet the "legal gender requirements" of Canada. She does have a B.C drivers license and a Canadian passport, both identifying her as female.
   But it's not quite as simple as that, is it? Respondents to several polls, including on-line and local radio stations, are saying Jenna should NOT be allowed to compete in a FEMALE beauty pageant. And while I agree to the extent that she wasn't born a girl, and therefore shouldn't be allowed to compete, this is the 21st century, and several lines have become fuzzy. Including, it seems, those of gender.
   Trump, by the way, has wished her well in the competiton.
   Will I watch because of this controversy? Hell, no. And while I wish Jen a good run, it might be for the best if she didn't win.
   'Nuff said.

Banning Drive Thru's

   Ahh, Tim's. That quintessential Canadian icon of all Canadian icons. Nothing's better than rolling into a Timmy's for a double double on the way into work. But maybe not for long in one Canadian city.
   Saskatoon, Saskatchewan is pondering a ban on all future drive thru's, whether it's Tims, McD's, B.K or whatever. And the rationale is simply this: Too many long line-ups snarling traffic. Not a ban on ALL drive-thru's, just new ones.
   Not a bad idea at first glance. Many's the time I've been stuck in line for 20 minutes or more for my morning cuppa and a maple dip. But once you get past that first glance, things start to fall apart.
   First: I can see lawsuit after lawsuit if they go ahead with this plan. I can almost hear the argument now. "Your Honor. Drive thru 'A' was put in before this ban, and they're allowed such service. My outlet was put up after the ban, and now I'm losing business to my competitor because I can't have drive thru service."
   Second: There's a matter of convenience. Sure, it can and does take time to get through the line at some outlets. But can you imagine the chaos if and when people would have to park..if they can FIND a place to park..get out of their vehicle, go into the outlet, place their order, pay, leave, get back in their car and drive off? Holy fuck! Now you're looking at half an hour or more! And if the folks in Toon Town think traffic's bad at a Tim's now, try and imagine what it'd be like under the scenario above! A total cluster fuck!
   Bottom line is this. Leave things the way they are, as imperfect as they are, because the possible alternative could be much worse than reality.
   And while we're at it, how about allowing people to have a beer in strip clubs! Not allowed now! Get with the 21st Century Saskatchewan.
   'Nuff said.