Move Over Krispy Kreme Burger

   There's a new contender out there vying for your fast food dollars. It's the cronut burger. A cronut is a hybrid cross between a croissant and a donut, and, like the Krispy Kreme, serves as the "bun" for a hamburger. Now, I wouldn't mind trying a cronut, but not as part of a burger. And in case you were wondering, the only place you can get this monstrosity is at the Canadian National Exhibition in Toronto. Thank fuck for that!
   In the past, the CNE has offered artery hardening fare like deep fried butter, deep fried pizza and deep fried chocolate bars. I just wonder of you can get the cronut burger deep fried. I also wonder if it comes in a coffin shaped container, 'cause if you eat too many of these, you'll need a funeral.
   I do get the fact that it's at the CNE, and I do get the fact it's billed as a specialty item, but still.....no thanks!
   And I'd guess it won't be too long before someone decides to one-up Krispy Kreme and serve a cronut Sloppy Joe. Again, no thanks. I like the slow, steady 70 beats a minute my heart runs at right now, and if I want to elevate that, I'll go for a walk. Right past the cronut burger stand.
   'Nuff said.

Sorry, I'm Tied Up At The Moment

   And it seems folks in London, England are a little more tied up than usual lately. Fire crews have been getting emergency calls to help people who have been taking part in bondage. And can't get out. And it's not just handcuffs the 999 calls have ben coming in for. People have been getting stuck in everything from toys to toilet seats.....and even shredders! Ouch!!!!!
   And what's behind the increase? Officials say it might be due to the movie 50 Shades Of Grey. It seems sex shops and even hardware stores have seen an influx of people looking for something kinky in the toy or rope line.
   Needless to say, the London Fire Brigade is asking people NOT to call with something as mundane as being handcuffed or tied up, and only ring them for an emergency.
   I'm wondering about a couple of things though. If you're handcuffed to the bed or something and Mother Nature calls, is that an emergency? And if your lover ties you up and then leaves, how do you call 999 in the first place?
   Now if you'll excuse me, I have to read up on how Houdini managed to escape from a set of 'cuffs.
   'Nuff said.

What's Frankie Up To These Days?

   Well, it seems Frankie the First has just wrapped up a tour of Brazil, where millions gathered on a beach for a mass. It also seems Frank has said he wouldn't judge priests for their sexual orientation.....meaning gay. Hmmm. Here I though priests were not supposed to have ANY sexual orientation. I thought they were supposed to be celibate. Anyway, it seems former pope Benny signed a document in 2005 that said men with deep-rooted homosexual tendencies should not be priests. Now, Frankie is saying gay priests should be forgiven, and their sins forgotten. Right. Tell that to the victims and families of victims of gay pedophile priests.
   All this follows reports that a trusted aide to Frankie (a "clergyman" himself) was involved in a gay tryst some 10 years or so ago. The pope investigated and, not surprisingly, claims to have found nothing to back up the allegations. Yeah, right.
   Does this mean Frankie has tacitly given the green light to allow gay priests to be ordained? No answer from me on that. Will it help or hinder the vatican's supposed crack-down on pedophile priests? No answer from me on that one either. The man with those answers, if he'll ever give any, is Frankie himself. And given the secretive nature of that church, I doubt we'll hear anything.
   'Nuff said.

I Spit On My Fans

   Yes, this little turd is making news for all the wrong reasons again. This time, there's a photo of Justin Beiber apparently getting set to hawk a loogie off a balcony at a Toronto hotel. On the street below. Right where his "fans" have gathered.
   Shit, it was just 2 weeks ago I blogged about this little asswipe after he pissed in a janitor's bucket in the kitchen of a restaurant, and also made derogatory comments about a former U.S President. Who he later called and apologized to.
   This is the same jerk who keeps his fans waiting for hours at his 'shows', and posed for a picture with the Stanley Cup with a customized Bieber jersey behind him. This is the same tool who got in a scuffle with a neighbor, allegedly hit a paparazzi (about the only thing I'll commend him for) and likes drinking Sizzurp (a mix of codeine based cough syrup and fizzy fruit drinks).
   Keep it up Beebs, and you won't HAVE any fans by the time your through. And yeah, I know he's worth 110 million, but the way he's going, he'll be through that by the time he hits 25. And when that happens, he'll be lucky to get a job flipping burgers at Mc D's.
   We can always hope he joins the "27" club. Google it yourself.
   'Nuff said.

A Bonus Track Today

   Speculation about the name of the Royal baby is now over. And tradition runs strong. The 3rd in line to the British throne will be known as George Alexander Louis, meaning some day he'll be known as George VII. His first name is from his great-great grandfather, and current Queen Elizabeth II's father. For now, he'll be His Royal Highness Prince George of Cambridge.
  And now the press can fuck off and leave the family alone!!
   'Nuff said.

Amazing! A Rant

   Space exploration has been in the news a lot this week. It was 44 years ago July 20th man first set foot on the moon. Then, the Cassini probe near Saturn took a picture of Earth and the moon.....and a remarkable picture it is. And the Messenger probe near Mercury also took our portrait. Then, the Mars Curiosity rover set a distance record of 329 feet.
   And yet a lot of the comments I've seen continue showing how stupid people are. First, the moon landing. A lot of people continue saying it was fake. Then, the latest portrait of us and our place in the solar system. People say it was photo-shopped. As far as Curiosity goes, if people aren't saying that's taking place on a stage or in some remote part of the Mojave, they deride what is an amazing accomplishment.
   Folks who can't grasp how important these milestones in exploration have been are either living in the dark ages, or have their heads stuck in the sand. I vividly remember watching the Apollo missions, and was glued to the T.V when the late Neil Armstrong and "Buzz" Aldrin took those historic steps on the moon. And for those doubters who say it was staged, please explain how data from instruments left on the moon's surface by all the Apollo missions is STILL being retrieved and analyzed. I guess they'll say it's contrived and is as fake as the landing itself.
   As for the Cassini/Messenger pictures, they were not photo-shopped. In fact, it's a great counterpoint to the momentous "Family Portrait" taken by Voyager 2 in 1990, which highlighted what the late Carl Sagan called "The Pale Blue Dot". Although people will still ask "where are the stars" in the pictures without knowing about exposure times etc.
   Finally, Curiosity. 329 feet doesn't sound like a lot here on earth, but consider the environment on Mars, and the fact that commands from Earth take a few minutes to make it to that remarkable rover.
   So, where does this leave us? Apparently in 2 different camps. On the one side, you have rational, thinking, scientifically aware people who not only don't doubt our space achievements, but would like to see more. A return to the moon.....possibly a manned Mars mission. Certainly, more probes to the regions not physically attainable by humans.
   Then, there's the other camp. Most (not all, but most) seem to live in a netherworld where science is downplayed if not vilified. In other words, religious fanatics who want to believe more in a Fairy Tale where some cloud rider controls us rather than the rational world where WE are more or less in control. Not always for the good, I admit.
   I choose to live in the rational world, rather than cloud cuckoo land.
   'Nuff said.

Now That's Class!

   Paul McCartney, as you know, is on tour in North America, and people like Justin Bieber, Rihanna and others should take note of this. Not only will Paul be on time for tonight's gig in Quebec, but the former Beatle and Wings star is making it a very special night for literally hundreds of people. He and his entourage set aside 1 thousand tickets for the show for people in Lac Megantic, who's lives were turned upside down by the train disaster earlier this month. It all stemmed from a suggestion by the promoter, which was quickly agreed to by the star and his group.
   900 people gave taken McCartney up on the offer. And they will have transport as well. Several busses have been chartered to take fans to and from the concert tonight. They'll be in the "general admission" section behind the zone at the front of the stage. And no, they won't get to meet Paul, although he's indicated he'll say something to the crowd about the disaster during the show.
   And if that's not enough, the promoter also collected 5 grand from a Bruno Mar's show and donated it to the towns recovery fund.
   Class all the way!
   'Nuff said.

Paint That Nursery Blue!

   It IS a boy for William and Kate. The former Kate Middleton delivered an 8 pound, 6 ounce boy today, who is now third in line to the British throne behind Will and Charles.
   And it wasn't an easy pregnancy for Kate either. She had severe morning sickness that needed hospitalization. During her treatment at a central London hospital, pregnancy rumors reached a boiling point and the palace was forced to confirm what the public had long hoped.
   And Kate didn't help matters when she supposedly spilled the beans on the kids sex. she was handed a teddy bear, and was heard to say  "I'll take this for my d......" before stopping herself in mid sentence and correcting herself saying "my baby". (See my blog of March 6).
   That one sentence alone had punters heading to their local bookies placing bets that it was going to be a girl. Ladbrokes for one will likely be raking in the cash after that. Of course, they'll also be paying out quite a bit to those who picked correctly.
   And now with the world knowing it's a prince, will come speculation (and betting) on what name will be chosen for the future king. Among the front runners is George at 12 to 1. Phillip at 23-1, Louis at 25-1, followed by Arthur, James, Alexander and a host of others. And you can probably lay even money odds that with the tradition in the Family, there ain't going to be a Justin, Chase, Ashley, Cole of Pilot Inspektor.
   Whatever the name, I wish Will, Kate and the prince the best, and hope the tyke doesn't get colic.
   'Nuff said.

Any Day Now.....We Get Pawned

   In fact, Will and Kate could be just a few hours away from becoming parents! This afternoon (London time), the Royal couple left the house where Kate was staying, and with a police escort, headed for London.
   Some reports are saying Kate is passed her due date, but Will hasn't taken paternity leave as yet. Of course, Palace staff aren't saying anything about where the couple are headed in London, and won't say anything until a baby is actually born. Unless a couple of Aussie DJ's pretending to be other members of the family prank their way into getting information (see my blog of December 7 2012 "It's Not Funny Anymore").
   So, the wait is almost over!
   For now: 'Nuff said.
   ****UPDATE: It seems I, along with thousands of others, were duped! A couple with a striking resemblance to Kate and Will did show up at the hospital, but it was a false alarm. It seems the pair were "advertising" for the Sun newspaper, and it was nothing more than a prank. Unless the REAL Will and Kate snuck in through a side door or something.****

He's Hot!

 

   At least several women in North Korea think so. Kim Jong Un, or as I call him Sum Dum Fuk, was recently photographed surrounded by young women working at a mushroom farm. And if the photo is true, they were almost ready to faint in the presence of the "Great Successor". Others were seen weeping as they grabbed at Kim's arm, while he laughs at his "good fortune".
   The question, of course, is was the event staged as nothing more than a photo op? Were the workers forced to show their adoration under the threat of becoming mushroom food? Were they told to show up or not be fed? Fear is a powerful persuader, but also given the "Cult of Leadership" for Kim and his predecessors, in the DPRK, my guess is it's genuine.
   And given the look of this photo, I'm thinking the 29 year old Kim Jong Un is going to get Sum Poon Tang!
   'Nuff said

Odds And Ends

   Yup, another slow day as summer drags on. So, I've been scouring the world of the weird for something to blog about today. And I found something. In fact, it's making the rounds on quite a few of the news sites I track. It comes from England, where a 27 year old woman was having ear pains, accompanied by a weird scratching sound. She finally went to the doctor when she noticed a discharge from the ear, and pain shooting down her arm.
   The doc checked and thought it was an infection. Until he looked a little deeper and found the larvae from a flesh eating fly happily chewing away in the woman's ear. It turns out she'd been on a hiking holiday in South America, and one of the flies decided her ear would be a great spot to lay her eggs.
   The woman will recover, but I'm willing to bet she won't take more hiking trips to South America anytime soon.
   Moving on: In the past I've blogged about the perils of pocket dialing, and the need to get a holster or carrier for cell phones. Well, from Oklahoma is another example of why you should not put your mobile in a pocket.
   Seems our hero accidentally pocket dialled 911. Embarrassing to say the least. But for this guy and a buddy, it happened at the completely wrong time. It seems the call was made while the duo were breaking into a house. The call centre dutifully monitored the call.....then notified the cops who picked up one suspect and are now looking for the other.
   I wonder if either will use their old cell to call a lawyer from their new one.
   'Nuff said

I Think I'll Just Make My Own

   O-kay. How much would you pay for a burger? 5 bucks? 10 bucks? 50 bucks? 5000 bucks? How about 350 THOUSAND bucks? Someone, somewhere in the world is forking over 350 grand for a burger. And not your run of the mill burger made with ground round, chuck, Kobe or Angus either. No. This meat was specially grown. In a lab. From cow stem cells. By a Dutch scientist. And the process is kinda gross. It seems each of the 3 thousand strands of meat was specially grown, and will be ground up into a burger like consistency. It's also said specially lab grown fat will be added, since you need some fat with the meat.
   And forget about slathering the monstrosity with mayo, mustard and ketchup with onion, lettuce and tomato. Seems Mr. Scientist is going to flavour it with salt. And a little pepper. No condiments of any kind.
   As for the taste.....well, the "creator" of the meat says it tastes fairly good. Unlike "Mc D's". But if one burger costs that much, I'm thinking if I had 350k, I'd just go to my local butcher and pay about 5 bucks for a pound of real ground meat, hit the bakery for some buns and pocket the rest of the cash. And put whatever the fuck I felt like on it.
   'Nuff said.

A Brazilian Killer Cow

   Brazil's been in the news recently, with the killing of a soccer player, a ref and a rap 'star'. Cows have also been making headlines after several people were injured during the "Running of the Bulls" in Pamplona, Spain (see my blogs of July 8th and 12th respectively). And a story from that South American country has now combined the two.
   It seems a man was killed in Caratinga, in Brazil's south, by a cow. No, he wasn't trampled or gored in the town's local "Running of the Bulls" festival, but he was hit by a bovine. As he slept. It seems Joao Maria de Souza and his wife were in bed, sound asleep, when the cow came through their roof. His wife was narrowly missed when the one ton bovine crashed through the fibreglass roof hitting the man. Apparently, the cow was feeding on top of a nearby hill, and somehow tumbled down.
   Ouch!
   'Nuff said.

Stepping Back For Security

   Seems in Russia, government officials are taking a step backward trying to avoid potential leaks of sensitive material. This all comes in the wake of the Wikileaks scandal, and the Eric Snowdon affair. He, of course, is alleged to have had control of sensitive U.S government documents and information which could turn into a security nightmare if they're brought to light.
   So the Kremlin is spending about 15 thousand dollars to buy 20 typewriters. Yup! Typewriters. In fact, several departments are already using them, including president Putin's office. And apparently, orders have gone out for print ribbon cartridges for them as well.
   And while I readily admit such and old fashioned way of processing information is a good way to avoid being hacked, I can still see problems. Not the least of which is the $750 cost per machine. Could they not have done an internal search for old machines? Or was it a matter of getting ribbons for them. And the issue of ribbons should be a worry for security. If they're single use, what's stopping someone from pocketing a used one and selling it to a foreign nation? The type is still on the ribbon, and can be very easily read.
   And what about copies? My guess is carbon paper is out for the same reason as above. Then there's the matter of access. It ain't just a few clicks away anymore. You'd have to get a clerk to run to another department, access the file, bring it back etc. A lot of time to do that. Not to mention again the security risk associated.
   But the biggest reason not to go back to typewriters, for me, is simple. How the hell would I be able to blog?
   'Nuff said.

What A Lot Of Bull

   And in Pamplona, Spain, 3 people found out the hard way. The annual "Running of the Bulls" festival (which could also be called the Running of Potential Darwin's) is in full swing. And an American and 2 Spaniards were on the receiving end of a couple thousand pounds of pissed off prime rib. They were all gored as they ran down the streets of the town, with the bulls in hot pursuit. One of them had "minor" injuries. Three other runners were also injured, likely due to falling on the cobblestones.
   I do get what the whole event is about. It's a huge adrenalin rush for those taking part. Plus the thrill of dicing with death. I've had enough close calls with the Grim Reaper without putting myself in front of several enraged bovines. And I can still run. I recently did a mile in less than 4! Admittedly it was 4 HOURS, but I still did it under 4.
   As for "Running with the Bulls", I think I'll pass on that. It's true I like my steak on the rare side, but not quite that rare!
   'Nuff said.

A Classess Act

   Yup! The teenage tool, Justin Beiber, has struck again. Twice. First, hockey fans will no doubt scream about Beebs "defiling" the Stanley Cup when he had his picture taken with it recently. And not just the fact that he posed in full "rap" gear, but he's also got a personalized Chicago Blackhawk jersey hanging in the background. What a pisser.
   And speaking of pissers, the website TMZ has a video of a young man who may be Beiber taking a slash. In a janitor's bucket of all things. Which was in the kitchen of the restaurant. When you gotta go, you gotta go. That's true, but the video also shows his "friends" egging him on. I guess he's far to important to "hang" with the proletariat, so to speak.
   I just wish he'd piss off, but I guess that ain't gonna happen.
   'Nuff said.

He Was Going HOW Fast?

   Quite fast, actually. In fact, faster than the speedometer above registers. A guy in Ontario was seen blasting down the 401 at 225 km/h. That's 140 mph. That's twice the local limit. Apparently, it was 8:20 in the morning on a Saturday when Speedy Gonzales decided to make his run. In a Mazda. Make unknown. The cops eventually pulled the guy over, and impounded the car for 7 days.
   You might start to wonder: Was this guy high? Wonder no more, 'cause when the cops got him, they smelled marijuana. And found pot in the car as well. So, yeah, he was. Our guy now faces drug and driving charges.
   I just wonder what munchies he had that necessitated him going that fast?
   'Nuff said.

Monday Meanderings

   And we'll start with updates on the 2 items in my last blog. Unfortunately, the death toll has risen to 13 in Quebec after that train derailment/explosion. Officials still don't know how high it'll go.
   Also, it seems the pilot of the Asiana Airlines flight that crashed in San Fran was training on the Boeing 777. And his supervisor was making his first ever flight on that type of jet. Un-be-fucking-lievable! It's also not known if the senior pilot tried to wrest the controls away in the moments before the jet went down, killing 2 and injuring several others. And, authorities also say the jet was coming in 25% slower that it was supposed to, came in too low, then pointed it's nose up before slamming into the ground.
   And speaking of unbelievable, you've probably heard of the shit going down in Brazil?

   In a country where football (soccer) isn't a sport, but a national religion, comes word that a referee was killed, quartered and had his head impaled on a tree. Not for a blown call, or giving a penalty to the opposing team. No. It seems the ref stabbed a teenage player after the player refused to leave the pitch.
   And it seems entertainers aren't safe either. A rap "star" was shot in the chest and killed as he was performing recently. The 20 year old was midway through his set. So far, cops have made no arrests in that, but they do have one suspect in the klink in the referee killing.
   I think I might cancel plans to go to Brazil for the World Cup and the Olympics.
   'Nuff said.

Trains, Planes But So Far, No Automobiles

   It's been a tragic weekend in parts of North America. In Lac-Megantic, Quebec at least 5 people are dead and 40 are missing after a train hauling crude oil derailed, exploded, and sent flames through the small community. A good part of the town was destroyed, including the library housing a lot of the archives. And officials caution the death toll could climb higher.
   In San Francisco, an Asiana Air flight crashed while landing killing 2 and injuring lots of others. Witnesses say the plane may have been coming in too low and fast on final approach. Some are also saying the tail of the Boeing 777 may have been ripped off in the crash. Investigators in both tragedies have started their work.
   Hopefully next time, I'll have a little more pleasant news to pass on your way. But for now:
   'Nuff said.

The Show Is On

   Come "Hell or High Water", the Calgary Exhibition and Stampede's 101st edition opened today, as scheduled, and despite the recent flooding, which I blogged about June 22nd. The phrase "Hell or High Water" was also turned into a marketing scheme, with funds raised in the sale of t-shirts going to flood relief.
   But it's not all roses at the event billed "The Greatest Outdoor Show On Earth". Not by a long shot. While a literal army of volunteers helped remove mud and debris, there's still lots to clean up. And several concerts that were set for the Saddledome had to be scrubbed because flood waters in that venue were very high, and the resulting mess could not be cleaned up in time.
   The Stampede is a major economic boon to the city, with over 1 million visitors a year passing through the turn-styles.
   But lets not forget those who have lost everything in the disaster. And not just the folks in Calgary, either, People in High River are slowly being allowed back to their homes. With a warning to expect devastation when they get there. In fact, mental health counsellors have been brought in to help people if they need it.
   And recovery in all communities won't be quick, either. It's months, if not years, before everything is back to 'normal', if it ever can be.
   But, for the next 10 days, people will have a chance to escape, head to the Stampede, watch the rodeo or chuckwagons, take in the midway and spend. So, Yee-Haw it up Cowtown, and have the best Stampede you can!
   'Nuff Said.

Best Wishes From Canada

 

 

 

                                        Happy 4th of July to all my American viewers!

Tuesday Thoughts

   Not much happening as we get into the dog days of summer, so today a few thoughts in typical Ratbag randomness.
   First: Baby names. We already know Kim Kardashian broke the strict rules of her home planet and did not give her girl-spawn a name starting with "K". Rather, she called it "North West". Well, just recently, Jessica Simpson also dropped a kid and named him "Ace Knute". Now, I'm sure the poor little sprat is going to be bullied over that, especially by people who don't know how to pronounce "Knute" properly. The kid's going to be teased a lot, and likely called "Ace Nut" or even "Fuck Nut" quite a bit. I'm beginning to wonder if Iceland isn't on to something with the "Registry of Approved Names". And they were going to deny Blaer (Blair) HER name. Well, I guess it could be worse for little Ace. At least he ain't called Pilot Inspketor.
   Moving on: Vatican Banking. Seems a high ranking catholic cleric ( who also has ties to the troubled vatican bank) is one of several busted for trying to funnel millions of dollars into a shipbuilding firm. This, as the bank itself looks at possible money laundering. Just what pope Frankie needs.
   Finally: Entertainment Deaths. A Cirque du Soleil performer fell 50 feet to her death during a show in Vegas. According to witnesses, it was the final act of the show when the woman fell, and people first thought it was part of the show. It wasn't. And if you're a pro-wrestling fan, you'll have heard of Doink the Clown of WWF fame. The man who was the original Doink, Matt Borne, died recently at 56. No cause was released.
   As I said. It's the Dog Days of summer.
   'Nuff said