How To Get Rid Of Religious Doorbell Ringers

   Back at the end of May (the 29th to be exact), I blogged about a woman who was bothered by the incessant ringing of her doorbell, caused by a nest of ants. At that time, I indicated that the majority of the time when my doorbell rings it's either a politician looking for support or some religion looking for a convert.
   And while I have yet to come up with an effective way to get rid of the politicians, I did come up with a couple of ways of getting rid of religious people. One was deliberate, the other a happy set of circumstances.
   The 2 main religious groups that used to like ringing my bell are the Mormons, and Jehovah's Witnesses. And you can always tell when they're coming, cause they visit every single house on the street. And they all have that glazed over, almost "cultish" look in their eyes.
   Anyway, I was sitting down watching T.V quite a while ago, and didn't notice the area was being worked by Mormons. So, when the doorbell went off, I answered it, and wished right away I hadn't. Because standing there, with that glazed look in their eyes, were 2 people who cheerfully blurted out "Hi! We're from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints." To which I blurted out; "Hi! I'm from the First Church of Satan! Now get the hell out if here", before slamming the door in their faces.
   The Witnesses was a happy circumstance. I was helping my wife with some baking, and she needed me to open a bottle of red food coloring. Which wouldn't open. To my wife's great glee. The harder I tried, the more she started laughing. Until the top of the fucking thing flew off, splashing red food dye all over the place. Me included. Just as I was starting to wipe up the mess, and with my wife now only able to gasp "Ahh..ahh..ahh" every few seconds, the doorbell went off.
   Now, aside from being stained with the dye, I was also pissed off by the mess, and my bride's reaction to it. So, when the door flew open, and the people started introducing themselves as Witnesses (and with me still dripping red, and my wife gasping, and only able to screech "Ahh" sporadically), something snapped, and I screamed at the poor unfortunates "you've ruined the ritual" before slamming the door in their faces.
   I'm just surprised the cops didn't show up to find out what the fuck was going on.
   But neither group has ever been back!
   'Nuff said.