She's Baaaack!!

   Yup! Just when you thought you'd never have to hear about her again, the senators wife is back in the news. Maygan Sensenberger says she's trying to dispel the image of her as the "Crazy Air Canada Lady" (see my blogs of August 28 and September 22 for the back story). Just HOW she plans on doing that, I don't know. Maybe just fade away for a few years until Grampa-Hubby kicks it.
   In a recent interview, the 23 year old May says airports used to be one of her favorite places. Until she was seen at the one in Saskatoon recently, heading back to Ottawa and her 69 year old husband, Liberal Senator Rod Zimmer. 46 years her senior. Yeah, I just threw that last dig in.
   Anyway, May's dreams of fame didn't include the incident that landed her in the media spotlight, nor did her (and I'm NOT sorry for this) May/December marriage. They recently celebrated a year together.....Awww.
   No. May's fantasy life was one of modelling and acting! And you know, she might just turn out to be very good at the latter. I mean, it seems she's already convinced Rod she loves him (and maybe he actually does). So hey! Good luck with that Hollywood North career, May. And if it doesn't work out, you'll at least have hubby's pension, estate and whatever else he leaves when he shuffles of this mortal coil and joins the choir invisible!
   'Nuff said.

There's a Storm Coming

   And her name is Sandy. No doubt you've already heard about the hurricane that killed 60 people in the Caribbean, and is now taking aim at the east coast. No doubt you've also heard that the hurricane could merge with an arctic front to produce what some are calling a "Frankenstorm" which could last through Halloween in some areas.
   City officials in New York are not taking any chances, since the storm surge is likely to combine with a full moon to produce huge tides. The subway is shut down, airlines have cancelled flights, New York stock markets are closed and even Broadway has halted shows. And that's just in one city! The storm is likely to be felt right up the eastern seaboard and into Canada's maritimes either tomorrow or Wednesday.
   Already, some officials are warning of massive power outages in the wake of Sandy, and stire shelves in several cities were almost bare as people get ready to hunker down.
   One U.S forecaster says it's the first time he's seen a snowfall advisory with a hurricane, and winter storms are forecast for parts of Ontario and Quebec.
   In addition to the devastation in the Caribbean, the storm has claimed one very famous victim:

   That's the HMS Bounty, and she was reportedly sunk off Cape Hatteras, Carolina. She was a replica of the same ship the Mutiny on the Bounty happened on in 1782. In fact, she was built in Canada for the 1962 movie of the same name, and also starred in the latest "Pirates of the Caribbean" movie.
   At the time of this writing, 14 of the 16 crew had been rescued, and the search was on for the remaining 2.
   As for Sandy, I hope she loses a lot of her punch by the time she makes landfall, but it doesn't look promising.
   'Nuff said.

SOLD!!!!!

   Yup, a cherry. But this is not your everyday average run of the mill cherry. You don't put this in a drink, and you certainly don't bake into a pie. No. This is a very special cherry, and it belongs (at least for now) to this woman:

   Her name is Catarina Migliorini, and she's a physical education student in Brazil. She's 20 years old. She's sold her virginity to a Japanese man in an on-line auction for $780 THOUSAND dollars. So, why? Why get paid to have her cherry popped?. Cat says she'll donate 90% of the money back to her village to help build homes for impoverished people living there. Oh, yeah. An important point here. She's going to do the vertical Mamba with the guy (known only as Natsu) as part of a documentary being produced by an Australian.
   Apparently, she'll be "delivered" to Natsu on board an aircraft flying between Australia and the U.S so as not to run into those nasty prostitution laws. And, no. The act will not be filmed, although she will be before and after the event.
   "Natsu" will have to undergo STD testing and wear a condom. And toys are forbidden. But other that that, he's free to "have at her".
   But what about Cat? Will they "test" her to make sure she's actually a virgin? Or will "Natsu" have to wait for that one push before breaking on through to the other side?
   And does this make her a prostitute? By the letter of the law, yes because she's getting paid to get laid. Even if her motive is to help others.
   And then there's the website this all took part through. Is that called pimping? Not unless the owners get some of her cash. And while she's not (at least to me) the best looking woman I've seen, I just wish I had $785 thousand! Just kidding, dear! Just kidding.
   'Nuff said.

Happy Birthday, Earth!

   Yup! Today our good, old planet celebrates a birthday! It was October 23, 4004 B.C at 9:00 a.m Greenwich Mean Time that "god" created our planet, which would make her 6008. That's a hell of a lot of candles! Luckily, there are hurricanes to blow them all out.
   The date was arrived at by a James Ussher, who lived back in the 1600's, who used a literal reading of The Big Book Of Thou Shalt Not (the bible). Supposedly, he used the first 2 books to do it. The exact time was arrived at by some guy named Dr. John Lightfoot.
   I'm not going to bore you with the where's and why fores of how they arrived at their (wrong) conclusions, but it's painfully obvious, even to some dyed in the wool christians that the date/time ARE wrong. Let alone having scientifically proven facts to blast more holes in those suppositions than there are in Swiss Cheese.
   Earth may LOOK 6008, but she's a lot older than that. Much older. Many thousands of times older. And don't forget the dinosaurs, although creationists would love to, since they throw a monkey wrench into their neat, buttoned down version of how they think things got to where they are now. Of course, they say "god" planted dino bones to obscure our thinking. I don't know how they arrived at that conclusion, since the bible does not mention dinosaurs. Although it does mention giants.
   And does the whole argument really matter anyway? I mean, some people say the Mayan calendar shows the world will clearly end December 21, 2012. I wonder if they might be wrong too? Whatever. I'll be blogging about it on the 22nd.
   And a Happy Birthday Earth!
   'Nuff said.

I Don't Believe It

   The woman above was Antsia Khvichava, and lived in the former Soviet Republic of Georgia. As you might be able to tell from the picture, she was quite elderly when she passed away recently. At a reported age of 132! A birth certificate and passport list her birthday in June 1880. And here's where the skepticism comes in, because they are replacements of the original documents lost over the years.
   The oldest person with verified documents was Jeanne Calment who was 122 when she died in 1997.
   Medical science says there's no know upper limit to a person's age, but given the natural aging process, 132 seems a bit of a stretch, even though there are documented cases of people living well past 100 in parts of the old Soviet Union
   And with Antsia's passing, the mantle of the oldest living person in the world has now passed to to Besse Cooper, who's birthday is a verified August 26, 1896. That makes her 116.
   And by the way, she also lives in Georgia. The one in the States.
   Would I like to live that long? I guess if I was still mentally (and to some degree physically) capable. If the alternative is ending up in a dank, dark nursing home with less that 3 marbles rolling around upstairs and with a full diaper.....well, that's not "living" to me. At that point if I was mentally able, I think I'd welcome the visit from the Grim Reaper.
   'Nuff said

Putting The "Wild" In Wildlife

 

   And we start with the story of an elk who was causing problems for a rancher in British Columbia. A bull elk to be exact. With a nice 6-point sent of antlers. Which were removed. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
   Our story is really about forbidden love. Seems Mr. Elk wasn't simply ravaging rancher Jone's supply of feedstock. It seems the large Lothario was ravaging his cows! The farmer says more than once the bull elk was engaged in the act of love with more than one of his cows. He says it literally was elk-porn!
   The elk was tranquillized and de-horned, so to speak, before being moved out of the area. Why take his antlers? Well, it's mating season for them (as you've probably already worked out for yourself) and since the fellow did have a nice rack. officials cut off the antlers to make him less appealing to hunters.
   And to keep the rancher's cows safe if he ever makes it back.
   And just in case you were wondering, no. The 2 species could not produce offspring. Elk have 8 more chromosomes than cattle

   Our second story is one that almost defies logic. A woman in  North Dakota wants legislators to move a Deer Crossing sign from a busy stretch of interstate. Was it blocking the view of traffic? No. Was it in an area where there are no deer? No.
   No, the woman says the sign should be moved to get the deer to cross at another location! She wonders why they're encouraged to cross a busy highway where they could be in an accident with a vehicle. By her logic, the government put the deer crossings there, so they can direct the deer populations anywhere they want to by moving that deer crossing sign to a lower traffic area.
   Oh my fucking god! Just when you think people can't get any stupider.....this. Lets just hope this woman didn't breed.
   And maybe she should get a better tin-foil hat. Or stop power slamming Armageddon beers! (see below).
   'Nuff said.

Now That's A Beer!

   We've all done it. When you hit legal drinking age, or have fake I.D or someone willing to bootleg for you, you go to the liquor store and grab the highest test (alcohol) beer you can get. You know the stuff. It's got anywhere between 6 and 8% alcohol. Then, there are the revved up beers with an alcohol content similar to wine at 14%. Beers like Samichlaus.
   Then, you get to the ones with the same content as distilled spirits at 40%. There was one at 57% alcohol, Schorschbrau Schorschbock from Germany. That was the Guinness World Record. Until now.
   A Scottish brewery has popped the top on "Armageddon". With an alcohol content of, get ready for it, 65%! Each 330 ml bottle (that's 12 ounces in English) has the same alcohol content as 10 pints of high test Carlsberg. Or 16 times more potent that a pint of lager in a pub.
   And it ain't cheap either. One bottle will run $130.00. For one bottle! And checking the brewery's website, I couldn't find how they got the content that high. Probably a mix of distilling and/or freezing out the water. But they aren't saying. Anyway, one reviewer who tasted it says there was no alcohol "burn", and that it was quite smooth. A little too bitter for his taste, but smooth.
   Now, the company making this monstrosity says it's not a pizza beer, or something you can power slam. Shit, if you did, you'd probably end up pushing up the daisies from alcohol poisoning.
   No, Brewmeister Brewery says it's more like a brandy, or a good whiskey. Meant to be sipped with friends. And at 130 bucks a pop, you can bet problem drinkers won't touch it.
   But you can also be guaranteed that some stupid teen or young adult WILL power-bomb the whole thing back. Just to see what happens. Not that all young people are totally irresponsible, but I was young once, and I remember (sort of) doing just as idiotic stuff myself.
   Anyway, congratulations Armageddon, for being the most powerful beer in the world. Until someone "one-ups" you with something at 70%.
   Will I be trying it? Hell, no. I like my liver!
   'Nuff said.

Busted

   A very disturbing case in my home country involving child porn. The RCMP along with several municipal forces have busted 21 people and seized more than 100 computers, 1 thousand discs and thousands of images. 16 of the people arrested have been charged.
   "Operation Snapshot" was in the 3 prairie provinces, Alberta, Saskatchewan and Manitoba, along with 2 territories, and started in June. In total 14 police forces in 15 communities were involved. The most disturbing part of this is the ages of the kids. Most were under 12, and it included toddlers and infants.
   Before I go off on a rant about this, there was one more or less happy outcome where a boy, who was 14 at the time of his abuse, was rescued in Saskatchewan. Rescued maybe from the awful people who harmed him, but far from rescued from the debilitating emotional scars this will leave. The cretin who abused him has already pleaded guilty, and sentenced to 30 months.
   And now, the rant: 30 months for abusing a child and (allegedly) being part of a child porn ring? You have got to be kidding! This piece of filth should have been given 30 YEARS with no parole. Period! And hopefully (but not likely) this will stir our lazy politicians in Ottawa to bring in the harshest measures yet for people who make and/or distribute this garbage.
   I'm thinking the 30 years as a minimum. But what I'm really thinking is it's time for our spineless M.P's to bring back the death penalty for "people" who do this to children. I know, innocent until proven guilty.....due process and all that. But it also seems sometimes that the people who get fair treatment are the accused. The victims get victimized again during the legal process, which can and does sometimes take years.
   One solution I keep hearing about is chemical sterilization. Several studies have proven it does not work. My solution would be to mechanically de-bone the guilty parties. Hell, I have a dull, rusty spoon they could use.
   Even better, put these walking scumbags in the general prison population, turn off the security cameras for 15 minutes and let the other cons mete out some jailhouse justice. Which won't happen, meaning taxpayers will foot the bill for segregated cells so these bastards can be kept safe from harm. Which is bullshit.
   And to the law enforcement teams who took part, a big salute and keep up the good work.
   'Nuff said

Tuesday Musings

   And we start with a story about an issue that's become all to commonplace. Cyber bullying. You may have heard about this, it's sure making headlines in Canada. 15 year old Amanda Todd committed suicide last week, after suffering years of torment, both on line and in real life. She was 12 when someone on a chat site convinced her to flash herself. She did, and that's when the trouble started. I won't go into detail, but the upshot is she had to change schools several times, and the man who (allegedly) grabbed the picture of her continues to pester her. I don't know if you've seen her video, but it's heartrending to say the least.
   Now, someone has come forward claiming to know the identity of the man who convinced Amanda to flash. Of course, police and lawyers are now protecting HIM, asking people not to take vigilante action.
   Bullcrap. I say take the S.O.B and (if guilty) nail his testicles to a tree and let him hang there.

   On a somewhat happier note, a woman in France was stuck with a huge cell phone bill. For 15 quadrillion dollars. That's 15 with 15 zero's behind it. Needless to say, she can't pay that. To the phone company's credit, even though it took several frantic calls on her part, they realized their mistake and issued the woman a bill for 150 dollars.

   And on a much happier note, the NHL handed the players union a new revenue share proposal at a meeting in Toronto today, calling for a 50-50 split. The union has (at the time of writing) yet to respond. If they do settle, the season would start November 2nd.
   And if true, it would also spell the end of the Leaf's streak of no losses so far this season.
   Get it done!!
   'Nuff said.

He Did It!..CORRECTION

   Indeed he did! Austrian daredevil Felix Baumgartner jumped from a helium filled balloon over the New Mexico desert, and in the process set several new world records. Not the least of which was becoming the first man to break the sound barrier without a jet engine.
   He also set the mark for the highest ever skydive at some 24 miles high, breaking a 52 year old record set by Joe Kittenger in 1960 of 19 miles high. He also set the mark for the highest manned ascent in a balloon.
   Baumgartner's speed hit more than 13 hundred k/mh, more than 834 mph, on his way down. Which took 9 minutes.
   Kittenger, who was part of Baumgartner's team, hit 614 mph back in 1960, but unlike Baumgartner, he had a drogue parachute deployed to keep him stable during his descent. In fact, Baumgartner was set to deploy his drogue chute after he started spinning at a high rate before regaining control.
   His attempts had been foiled earlier by winds exceeding 2 mph, which was the maximum his 55 storey high, extremely flimsy balloon could take before ripping apart.
   In the video's, you can clearly see the curvature of the earth. And Baumgartner's leap. And while it was great seeing this, I'll keep my feet firmly on Terra Firma thanks.
   Like the old saying, the more Firma, the less Terra!
   'Nuff said.
   *****Sorry. Math was never my strong suit. After reviewing various sources, I've had to revise the speed which Baumgartner attained. Originally, I stated (incorrectly) he hit 860 mph. His actual top speed was in the region of 834*****

Celebretards 2

   Boy, it's been a while since my last post. I didn't realize so much time had gone by, but there really hasn't been a whole lot happening. So, I'm going to rip a few "celebrities" again.
   And lets starts with........Lindsay Lohan! Seems she and mom Dina got into it recently, to the point LiLo called her daddy, Michael, during the so called spat. And, like the good father that he is, Mikey recorded it, and started shopping it around. Class.
   Anyway Lindsay said Mommy Dearest was high on cocaine or something, and eventually the cops were called. And they were decidedly NOT amused by the whole thing.
   And it seems Mommy Dearest and LiLo have patched things up.
   The Lohans. Putting the "fun" in dys"fun"ctional.
   Moving on. Seems a couple of so called "superstars" added proof to the old adage that "The Show Must Go On". I'm talking about Jutin Barf-up.....sorry, Bieber.....and Lady Gag-reflex.....sorry, GaGa.
   TMZ had footage of them doing a part of their act that was definitely not part of the script, or part of their lip-synch tape either. Both hurled, spewed, chucked, puked, vomited....whatever you wanna call it.....during recent performances. But (after purging a few more times) kept the show going.
   Makes me wonder. Were they listening to their own music, or each others, to bring on the barf attack. So, they both blew chunks. Strange really, that they'd both have a dog with the same name. Chunks.
   'Nuff said.

Where's The Beef?

   In the case of XL Foods in Brooks, Alberta, it's more a case of where's the beef inspectors. As you probably already know, that plant is at the centre of one of the largest food recalls in Canadian history. At last count, more than 17 hundred products had been recalled in Canada from B.C to the east coast. And in at least 30 U.S States.
   In fact, U.S officials say more than 1.1 million kilos of beef that may have been contaminated by E-Coli at the plant made it's way to the States. In English, that's a staggering 2.5 million pounds, or 11 hundred TONS of beef. And apparently, the U.S knew about it before an alert went out in Canada.
   What was the cause? Apparently, contaminated cow shit got on some meat, which made it's way through the whole line.
   And now, the blame game is being played out. Some blame the workers at the plant. Some blame the food inspectors. And, naturally, opposition parties are blaming the government for this international cluster fuck. Some have gone as far as calling for the Agriculture minister to resign. Which is likely not going to happen.
   Who do I blame? I guess a little from each column in more or less equal parts. Who comes out of this hurting? Obviously, the producer who can't sell to the XL plant, due to a temporary suspension of their licence. The consumer as well, because no one is sure if that steak or hamburger meat they got is contaminated. Even though they're urged to ask their local store if it came from that plant. XL Foods will also be tarnished by this fiasco, to the detriment of 22 hundred people who just want to make a pay cheque. Canada will have a nice black eye from this as well, and will have one hell of a time rebuilding the image of our food products as being safe.
   The food inspectors will also take a lot of heat, because they are the ones who are supposed to police the industry. And the government will as well, since they are being blamed for cut backs to the food inspection agency.
   And I'm suffering as well, because I HATE well done steaks. I like mine rare. Black and blue to be exact. Seared on the outside, red on the inside.
   Sucks to be me.
   'Nuff said.

Another Win For "People"

   At last count on our Trains vs People scorecard, "Trains" had built up a substantial 7-3 lead in deaths versus survivors. Today I'm happy to report "People" have pulled out another win to make it 7-4.
   This time, our lucky survivor dodged a double whammy of death. The 51 year old Kamloops, B.C man, drunk at the time, was apparently clipped by the CP freight while riding a bike. He got off quite lucky from that accident, with a head wound and serious burns. Not from the train, but a fire he was riding the alleged stolen bike from. A fire the cops say he set when he fell asleep smoking in a grassy area. A fire that woke him up as it seared through his clothing.
   Our hero may wish the train had won, 'cause he could face charges for the stolen bike, and the suspicious fire he fled the scene of. Oh, yeah. It seems buddy's also a suspect in the beating of a local bus driver.
   But getting back to the main point of this, our guy was DRUNK when he escaped death. And (if memory serves) so were most, if not all, the other survivors.
   So, I guess the moral of the story is: If you're gonna get hit by a train, make sure you're pissed outta your brain! You have a better chance of surviving.
   'Nuff said.

Another Passing

   You've probably never heard of Bobby Hogg, let alone the Black Isle in Scotland where he died recently at age 92. You've also probably never heard of Cromarty, a little fishing village on the island where Bobby was born and likely spent almost all of his entire life. And with his passing, the world will never hear the Cromarty dialect of the English language again. At least not first hand. Bobby Hogg was the last person fluent in that dialect, which was influenced by the bible, complete with "Thee" and "Thou".
   Why care? Well, it's simply because of the global influence of the machine you're sitting at (hopefully) reading this post, which is directly responsible, along with T.V, for the decline and fall of so many different regional languages and dialects.
   With just a few clicks of the mouse, you can access things like You Tube which, along with T.V, I feel is responsible for the North Americanization of language. Another culprit is the global reach of (and I hate to say it, but it's true) American programs and networks like MTV. Let alone Facebook and Twitter and all the other social networks.
   We were in Scandinavia a few years ago, and the only people with what we would call an accent were those over 30. All the rest of the youth spoke impeccable North American English. In fact, the TV shows we saw were in English, with subtitles in the local language.
   English has very much become the Lingua Franca of the world, especially when it comes to economic matters.
   And while that's fine as far as it goes, it also at times goes too far. I feel that regional dialects and accents are what set us apart, in a loose way of putting it, and can help draw communities together.
   So, RIP Bobby Hogg, and RIP the Cromarty dialect.
   'Nuff said.

Cold Cocked

   It would seem a U.S veteran was recently. The man, Mike Nash, is suing several groups for 10 million dollars. It seems Mr. Nash went to a V.A hospital in Kentucky for groin surgery. And no, what you expected to happen did not happen. Well, at least not at the start.
   Nash claims that after the surgery, nurses at the hospital kept his....uh...."manhood" packed in ice for 19 hours. With the result he says was a frostbitten penis which went gangrenous, and a large part had to be amputated. Ouch!
   His lawyers say he'll need reconstructive surgery.
   As horrible as his fate was, I've got to wonder. Did keeping his dick on ice cause significant shrinkage? Just askin'.
  'Nuff said.