Happy Leap Year

   It is Leap Year Day, meaning we've added 24 hours to align our calendars with the earth's rotation. Actually, we get out of sync by some 6 hours a year, but for obvious reasons, we don't tack that on at the end of the year.
   If we didn't add an extra day every 4 years, and admittedly it would take a long while, we'd find in a few hundred years or so that New Year's Day would actually be sometime in October.
   Now, some people have asked why not just have a 10 month calendar with 36 days per month? And the additional 5 days would be added as "dead days" at the end of the year. Or for that matter, why not align the calendar with the lunar cycle which is about 13 times a year?
   Pretty much for the same reason above..the months wouldn't jibe with the calendar. And since we're use to having 12 months, I see no need to change it.
   The people I pity have birthdays today. Some 5 million around the world. And some people are quite shitty about not observing the birthday on either the 28th or March 1st. There was a story about a woman who's birthday is the 29th who left her husband because he didn't buy her a gift or anything 3 out of 4 years.
   And can you imagine trying to get into a bar with your I.D? You might chronologically be 20, but your I.D would say you're only 5. By the time your I.D said you're legal (18 in most of Canada), you'd be 72. That would seriously suck.
   If any of my viewers happen to be a Leaper..Happy Birthday! Enjoy the 4 year wait for the next one.
   'Nuff said.

This Is Going To Costa

   It seems the Italian based cruise ship line Costa has been struck with more bad luck. You've no doubt heard the story already, about the fire in the engine room of the Costa Allegra that left the ship basically crippled in pirate infested water off the coast of Africa.
   Seems the ship is under tow, and should reach a safe haven in the Seychelles Islands in the next few days.
   At least this time, the vessel was out at sea, and the captain couldn't abandon ship. Unlike his counterpart on the Costa Concordia which still lies on her side off the Italian coast. O-kay, that may have been a little unfair.
   Anyway, there are helicopters dropping supplies and batteries for flashlights down to the deck of the ship which is without power. No lights, no air conditioning. Nothing. Admittedly, ships do encounter all sorts of problems, and an engine room fire is an uncommon, but not unheard of incident.
   But the question I have is two-fold. First: Why would ANY ship other than a heavily armed naval vessel be sailing in waters so close to the Horn of Africa..and Somalia, that base for pirates? And second: Why would anyone willingly put themselves in a position such as that which could compromise their safety?
   If I was on that disabled ship and saw helicopters overhead, I'd be looking for a way to hitch a ride and get the fuck out of there. Pronto!
   But, maybe my spirit of adventure has diminished over the years.
   'Nuff said.

It's A Shoe!

  So, police in Orlando, Florida had the riot gear out, and had to battle people pushing and shoving when they got out of control.
   Was it a racial riot?..No. Was it at a concert?..No. What was it then?. It was over a shoe. That's right, a fucking running shoe.
   But not just any garden variety run of the mill Keds or something like that. This was over a Nike. And not just any Nike..these puppies cost 220 bucks. American. For a fucking pair of shoes. O-kay, they're a limited edition, glow in the dark Nike released ahead of the NBA All-Star game. But they're still just shoes.
   No one was hurt or arrested after a crowd gathered outside a mall in Orlando jostling with each other trying to get one of these marvels of technology. But there was an arrest in Maryland when a crowd gathered there for the release.
   Given the hype over this, I'm surprised no one got shot or killed in a scuffle over these stupid things. I mean it's a fucking SHOE!! But then, people have been killed for less.
   And you can bet those lucky enough to buy a pair at 220 bucks American won't be wearing them much, with most taking pride of place in man-caves.
   Now, excuse me while I go to Wally's world with 220 bucks and buy a pair of running shoes. I have a feeling I'll be coming back with at least 150 in my jeans.
   'Nuff said.

Sad But True. And Funny Too!

All drugs have two names, a trade name and generic name.

... Example, the trade name is Tylenol and it's generic name is Acetaminophen.. Aleve is also called Naproxen.

Amoxil is also called Amoxicillin and Advil is also called Ibuprofen.
The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After careful consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced that it has settled on the generic name of Mycoxafloppin.

Also considered were Mycoxafailin, Mydixadrupin, Mydixarizin, Dixafix, and of course, Ibepokin.

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer..

It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one.

Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of 'cocktails', 'highballs' and just a good old-fashioned 'stiff drink'

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of: MOUNT & DO.

Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research.

This means that by 2020, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

   Who says Facebook is a waste of time? This is a great "hard" news story!
   'Nuff said.

Number 3

   I really wasn't going to do this, but my hand has been forced. I'm now officially keeping score of the number of idiots who self-select themselves out of the gene pool (otherwise known as a Darwin Award) by getting hit by a train.
   My scorecard so far shows Trains-3, People-0.
   The latest case comes from Banff, Alberta where a 27 year old Chilean man got smacked by a freight. Apparently, he was wearing headphones and a toque and never heard the locomotive. Even when the horn was used to try and attract his attention. Needless to say, without success.
   It wasn't even 10 days ago a 19 year old in Alberta was killed because he never heard the train that got him due to the fact HE was wearing headphones. And the same week, a guy in Quebec got greased while listening to music AND texting.
   Now, I can understand why our most recent Darwin nominee would need a toque in Banff in February. But just how fucking loud was the music they were listening to anyway? It must have been pretty loud for 3 people not to be alerted when the engineer blew the train's horn. I mean, if you can't hear THAT over your music, you need to turn it down. Seriously.
   Not that it's going to matter much to these 3.
   Makes me wonder if the music played at their funerals will include Train Kept A-Rollin'.
   'Nuff said.

Another Darwin

   A couple of posts ago, I told you the story of 2 teens in the running for a Darwin Award after either listening to music on their headphones and/or texting when they walked in front of trains.
   Add another candidate.
   You've no doubt heard of the craze called "planking" and the equally ridiculous "owling". Well, you can now add couch (or sofa) surfing to that mix.
   Seems some idiot in Quebec was killed while being pulled on a couch when it, not surprisingly, drifted into oncoming traffic. With the predictable result. The 22 year old was DOA. 2 friends on a sled ATTACHED TO THE COUCH were not injured. One of these "friends" called it "bad luck", adding it's a game they played before.
   Bad luck?!? Bullshit! It wasn't luck, just a matter of time before the predictable happened and some idiot got killed. Apparently, the driver of the vehicle pulling the couch fled the scene, meaning that person's now facing a whole raft of charges.
   Ironically, the guy's 'friends' say they tried to "play safe" checking for oncoming traffic, with one saying he thought accident's only happen to other people.
   Life lesson learned, eh numbnut?
   'Nuff said.

You Really ARE What You Eat

   It happened in Vegas, but it didn't stay in Vegas. The web is buzzing about a story almost to strange and bizarre to be real. But it's real nonetheless. There's a burger joint in downtown Vegas called the Heart Attack Grill. And in a weird case of life imitating art, a guy actually had a heart attack. No shit! And it was while he eating a "Triple Bypass Burger" no less! The menu boasts it's "A taste worth dying for".
   The local Fox station says it's the first documented case of someone actually having a heart attack at the Heart Attack Grill. Staff at said eatery are given fake medical titles, such as "Nurse". And the guy that owns the place goes by "Doctor".
   Just how far does this place go? Well, according to the report I saw, they proudly state anyone over 350 pounds eats free. Hell, there's even a warning sign saying the offered dining fare is a health risk.
   And if you were wondering, the triple by-pass burger is 6000 calories. That's 6 THOUSAND calories. It's got 3 patties totalling 1 and a half POUNDS of beef, a dozen bacon slices, who knows how many slices of processed cheese, a huge bun plus onions, tomato and pickles.
   By a happy coincidence, the guy who wolfed down this monstrosity will survive, but I guess it shows there's truth in the old adage "You are what you eat".
   'Nuff said.

Hey! Watch Out For That.....Uhh, Never Mind

   I wonder when the nomination period for a Darwin Award is, because there are a couple of guys who, if they don't win, will surely get honorable mentions.
   As you probably know, a Darwin Award is for anyone who self selects themselves out of the gene pool, usually through some stupid action which results in their demise.
   Both our nominees self selected while texting and/or listening to music in their headphones at the same time. And it wasn't behind the wheel of a vehicle when they met their untimely and messy ends. In fact, they were using the oldest form of human transportation..walking. We'll start with idiot number 2. A 16 year old was killed when he was texting and listening to music on his ear buds when he walked onto a level railway crossing. He didn't hear the bells. He didn't see the flashing lights. He didn't even hear the engineer blow the whistle. I guess he didn't hear or see the freight train that smacked him. It's important to note the engineer did blow the horn trying to get the teen's attention. It's important, because the area in Oshawa, Ontario where this happened has a no-horn bylaw for train crews.
   The rail companies have pedestrian safety guidelines (which this guy apparently didn't read) which advise children to remove headphones when near a track. Like that's going to happen.
   And it gets better, because less than 24 hours earlier, the same thing happened to a teen in Leduc, Alberta. Apparently, this Darwin nominee was listening to music and did not hear the whistle, the roar of the engine or the squeal of the brakes before he got tagged from behind by another freight.
   Makes you wonder if Darwin number 2 was texting a buddy about Darwin number 1! I can just imagine it: "Dude, u hear abt the dude killed in Alta? Cops say he had headphones on and got greased by a tr...".
   O-kay, maybe that wasn't funny. Oh, fuck it, it was! Happy Darwin you two!
   'Nuff said.

It's A Total Mess!

   Those words were used to describe the situation in the vatican these days. And not by yours truly, and not by a member of the media either. Those words come from inside the cloistered halls of power in Rome. In other words, a vatican "official" Of course, the "official" who uttered those words must remain anonymous, but he spoke after scandal after scandal after scandal has rocked the church. And now there are rumours of a power struggle. And all this on the eve of the pope naming 22 new cardinals. You know, the guys who will elect a new pope once Benny kicks the bucket? Hell, there was a report out not long ago about a possible assassination plot against Benny! And it probably wouldn't be the first time a pope had been knocked off either. Remember JP 1? He was pope for 34 days before mysteriously dying, and the rumour mill had it he was "removed" because he was going too far too fast with reforms. I don't know if that's bullshit or not. I mean, these guys are men of "god", so they wouldn't off one of their own. Would they? And lets not forget recent revelations about supposed money laundering and corruption in the church. More of a case of being human than righteous.
   Anyway, 18 of the new cardinals will be in a position to elect the next pope, and after experimenting with a Polish and now German pope, there's rumblings afoot the next one will be..get ready for it..Italian! What a surprise!
   Another bishop goes on to say Benny is increasingly isolated, lives in his own world and information passed to him is "filtered" by his right hand man. Out of touch? No shit! But all is not lost! There's still time for old Ben to wrest control back, root out the evil-doers (even if that means most of the priesthood, several bishops, an archbishop or 2 and maybe even a cardinal) and clean up the administration of what's become a rapidly crumbling empire..and an empire it is..not to mention the rank and file itself.
   Oh yeah, sorry. I forgot who I was talking about there. I've said before, and I'll say again that NOTHING will change in the 'church' until a pope who has the scope to make radical changes is elected. And allowed to carry them out.
   But I don't think that's all to likely, do you?
   'Nuff said.

Another Passing

   True to form, I did not watch the Grammys last night. I simply have no desire whatsoever to tune in for 3 1/2 or 4 hours listening to the mindless drivel that comes out of the mouths of the winners. No do I care what Lady Kaka is wearing or arrived in. Last year, it was a giant egg. I don't know what it was this year.
   Nor do I care for what passes as "music" these days, as you can see from the post below. And while I was certainly not a fan or hers, or even cared for her music, I was a little shocked to hear about the death of Whitney Houston Saturday night. She apparently drowned in the bathtub of her L.A hotel. And in this case, I'm actually going to be fair. I think we need to let the coroner and police do a thorough investigation before pointing the finger at drugs.
   True, she had a troubled past and was a not infrequent user of narcotics. But if reports from L.A are true, there were no illicit drugs found in her room. They did find several prescription drugs, and she had been seen drinking the night before. But again to be fair to her, lets let the proper authorities do their job and render a verdict.
   And while, as I said, I'm not a fan of her or her music, one can't deny she had a very big impact on the music industry, and a lot of young singers.
   So, R.I.P Whitney!
   'Nuff said.

This Is Music??

        ***WARNING: THE FOLLOWING CONTAINS EXTREMELY COARSE AND OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE AND IS INTENDED FOR A MATURE AUDIENCE. EVEN SOME ADULTS MAY BE OFFENDED. VIEWER AND PARENTAL DISCRETION IS STRONGLY ADVISED***

   So, the Grammy Awards are being handed out this Sunday, and among the categories is rap. Yeah, I don't give a shit about the Grammys or rap either. But this, coupled with the "performance" by the hip-hop 'star' M.I.A on Superbowl Sunday had me wondering what's up in the music industry anyway? And why are they giving some of these so-called 'stars' recognition to begin with?
   Specifically, rap 'stars'. I was sitting in the chair of my favorite tattoo artist not long ago getting some work done, and I had no choice but to listen to the 'music' coming from an adjoining room. For several hours. And even though it takes a lot to shock a cuss-master like myself, even I was a little shaken by what was coming from the speakers.
   One was something called..apparently..Stupid Hoe by someone called Nicki Minaj. Without going in to great detail, here's some of the "lyrics":

I get it crackin’ like a bag bag?
Bitch talkin she the queen, when she looking like a lab rat
I’m Angelina, you Jennifer
C’mon bitch, you see where Brad at....
And so on. Delightful, isn't it?

That was followed by the equally refreshing chorus:

You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid)
You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid)
You a stupid hoe, you a, you a stupid hoe (stupid, stupid).....
And so on. You get the hint.

   I don't know about her being a stupid hoe, but she came across sounding like a dumb cunt. But maybe not so dumb after all, since she's made a ton of money from people who are dumb enough to buy her CD. This musical gem was followed by who I believe I was told was Snoop Dogg singing "Woof! Motherfucker, Woof! Woof! Motherfucker". I think the Dogg delivered a piece of Shitt with that.
   And just how many hours or even days did the "song" writers sit struggling to come up with these masterpieces, specifically their use of our wonderful English language in all it's nuances? Sorry. Sarcasm doesn't translate well to the computer screen. But it sounds like someone not being able to pass a kidney stone, rather than meaningful lyrics.
   I mean we go from musical treasures like Procul Harum's "Whiter Shade of Pale" to John Lennon's "Imagine" and even Zeppelin's "Stairway" to "Stupid Hoe" and "Woof! Motherfucker"??? I wonder which will stand the test of time. Now, I admit I'm getting old(er), and my taste in music is vastly different from today's young people. And I admit I like a lot of musical styles beyond the '60's, '70's and '80's. But if what I heard is a taste of today's music, the only taste I have is from throwing up in my mouth a little.
   Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go brush my teeth.
   'Nuff said.
   And sorry about the language, but I did warn you!

The Last Of The Last

   Florence Green passed away Saturday in England at age 110. She had an incredibly long life, but aside being a super centenarian, why care? Because Ms. Green was the last documented veteran of World War One. And with her death, the final page in that war has been turned. True, she wasn't in uniform long, and needless to say did not see combat service. But she was the last link to the Great War. Florence joined the Women's Royal Air Force when she was just 17. That was September 1918, just 2 months before the War ended. She was a waitress in the Officers Mess at RAF Marham in Eastern England. But you know what? That shouldn't make a bit of difference. She WAS in uniform. She DID serve King and Country. And I feel she DESERVES respect. And I hope she gets a proper funeral. One any veteran should get.
   In fact, her status wasn't known until her official service records were found in the National Archives, and she was officially recognized as a veteran. The RAF marked her 110th birthday last February with a cake. She would have turned 111 on the 19th.
   It was just last May the last combat vet of that war, Navy man Claude Choules, died at 110. Harry Patch was the last one in the trenches. He died in 2009. The last Central Power's vet was Franz Kuntsler of Austria-Hungary who died in 2008.
   So, that just leaves Jozef Kowalski of Poland, who turned 112 February 2nd as the last confirmed World War One era veteran left on the planet. And records show he was not a participant in the war, but joined between the Armistice on November 11, 1918 and before the signing of the Treaty of Versailles.
   That's why we should care about people like Florence Green. She truly WAS the last of the last. May she rest in peace.
   'Nuff said.

Superbowl?

   That's what the game yesterday was SUPPOSED to be about. The Vince Lombardi trophy, signalling supremacy in the NFL. But there was a not so super moment at the Superbowl that now has officials at both the NFL and NBC scrambling. It had to do with a finger. Just one finger. One finger in particular that a hip-hop so-called 'star' decided to share during the halftime show. Yup! THAT finger. The fuck finger. And the woman who waved it at the camera goes by the name M.I.A.
   Now, in military parlance, M.I.A means Missing In Action, and I'm sure censors wished she had been. Not only did she give the single digit salute at the end of a song she was a 'guest' singer with Madonna on, but was also partially heard to say 'I don't give a shit". This so-called 'star' isn't an American either. She's British. And 36 years old.
   So you'd think she'd know better. I guess she was just trying to show that someone from across The Pond can be a Gansta Beyatch as well. I don't know about the gangster part, but she proved she's a bitch.
   It's the most 'shocking' half time gaffe since Nipple-Gate back in 2004. That's when Janet Jackson had part of her top ripped off showing her tit. She said it was "accidental". I call bullshit on that. Anyone who wears a sunburst nipple shield under their costume knows it's gonna make an appearance.
   But I digress. Maybe it's time the NFL re-think trying to attract a younger audience with what passes for music these days. Unless they have a 2 or 3 minute delay to cut out the offending part of the show, should something untoward happen again. And it will.
   And to M.I.A, I show you MY fuck finger and say "I don't give a shit" about you. Now piss off back to Britain and fade into obscurity. Quickly.
   And oh yeah. The Giants beat the Patriots 21-17, which I thought was the whole point of the Superbowl.
   'Nuff said.

Celebretards

   Well, it's been quite quiet the past few days, hence the lack of a post. Thank goodness for so-called celebrities! Ellen DeGeneres is back in the news. Apparently, she and her husband/wife Portia de Rossi have managed to sell the pilot for a show I won't bother to tune into called "The Smart One", with some fucked up plot about a woman who ends up working for her sister who's a former beauty queen turned big city mayor. Yeah. It sounds like shit to me too. And if J.C Penny is a sponsor and runs the ad with her in it, people (well, the group One Million Moms at any rate) could be tuning out in droves.
   Seems DeGeneres' lifestyle has pissed them off.
   Other celeb news, Dan Radcliffe..Harry Potter himself, has admitted to being potted during some scenes in the movies. Seems he likes the booze, and was drinking nightly, saying he can point to the scenes he was drunk in. Apparently, he got his shit together and quit, or at least cut back, drinking.
   Speaking of rehab, Demi Moore (I know, I haven't heard anything from her in years either. Thank goodness) has checked in to a place in Utah, and is in "total lockdown" for addiction issues plus an eating disorder.
   And a couple of passings to report as well. Zalman King, who did..among other things..the soft core porn series Red Shoe Diaries has died at age 70, while Ben Gazzara who starred in movies like The Thomas Crown Affair died at age 81.
   Both succumbed to cancer.
   Well, here's hoping things pick up again soon, so I have some real news to pass along to you.
   'Nuff said.

Spring Is Coming

   Well, it was groundhog day today, and 2 of the 3 main ones agree that spring is just around the corner. Nova Scotia's Shubenacadie Sam and Ontario's Wiarton Willie did NOT see their shadows. Pennsylvania's Punxsutawny Phil did, meaning 6 more weeks of winter there. Of course, in a vast part of North America, a lot of people are still waiting for winter, with temperatures anywhere from 4 to 11 degrees celsius above normal.
   But does the prognostication of a rodent actually mean anything? Of course not, but it's become a tradition in both the U.S and Canada. And quite fun, too. Unless you're a groundhog. I don't think I'd like to be unceremoniously ripped from my bed and thrust into what can be a very cold morning while a large crowd of people either cheer if I don't see a shadow, or jeer when I do. Hell, a few years ago, one of the groundhogs had a death threat when he saw his shadow.
   Now needless to say, there are far more forecasting rodents than the one's I've listed, but these are the so-called big 3, and in 2012 the vast majority were calling for an early spring.
   But the forecast, as you are well aware, depends not on a groundhog, but on whether or not it's sunny or cloudy, and has no bearing at all on how much more winter we can expect, although a good swath of eastern Europe would welcome an early dose of spring right about now.
   'Nuff said.

This May Be A Bit Extreme

   A Canadian Conservative senator is suggesting some of these be put in our prisons. The member of the Red Chamber says putting a rope in prison cells of convicted murderers would let them decide whether or not to hang themselves, cutting down on prison costs.
   The senator suggests the Shafia family, recently convicted on 4 counts of first degree murder (see post below) could cost Canadian taxpayers 10 million bucks. Money he says could be saved if the self hanging option was there. The senator, who's daughter was murdered, also argues the death penalty should be considered in cases where there is no hope of rehabilitation.
   Needless to say, there was a shit-storm on the Hill when this comment came out, and the senator has since apologized.
   This may also sound a little extreme, but you know what? Maybe the senator's on to something. Yes, I know the legal ramifications would prevent having in cell ropes from ever happening, but in my opinion it would also allow these murdering assholes to do something useful for society and take themselves out of it.
   There have been lots of cases where a criminal has hung his or herself using a shirt, sheet, belt and even sometimes underwear.
   And if what I expect to happen happens and this idea..admittedly rightly..is not going any farther than wishful thinking by some Tory kook, then a least bring back the death penalty and have the State execute murderers etc.
   'Nuff said.