The Perils Of Pocket Dialing

   If you have a cell phone or other hand-held device, this may have happened to you. You pop the phone into your pocket, and the next thing you know, you've accidentally dialled 9-1-1. It happens more than you think. And a guy in Florida found out the hard way that it's a little more than just being a nuisance.
   Seems our hero somehow unwittingly and unknowingly pocket dialled the police, who were more than a little interested in eavesdropping on the call. And that's because buddy was talking with 2 other guys about selling drugs. They tracked him down, and busted him. Oh, yeah. They also found drug paraphernalia in his truck, including a crack-pipe. Which buddy tried to say belonged to his father! What a nice kid.
   When and if he gets out of jail, I'm thinking he'll buy a holster or some other cover for his next device.
   'Nuff said.

Maybe They Should Slap Him In Jail

   A guy in Quebec was arrested for drunk driving recently. Not normally something I'd blog about, but it seems this was our guy's 17th arrest for boozing and cruising. 17th! At what point do police finally realize buddy's got a problem with Bud. It seems the 69 year old went to buy a 2-4 at 8:45 in the morning at a grocery store. On a Sunday morning no less.
   The clerks at the store tried to convince our guy that he was too drunk to drive, and not get back in his car. He ignored them, they called the cops who busted him in the parking lot. His last arrest was in 2005, when he lost his license for 5 years.
   Clearly, there's a problem here.....and not just with the guy that got nailed for the 17th time. There seems to be a problem with the justice system for continuing to let this guy get his license back and continue driving while drunk. Obviously after 17 arrests, he's not gonna change, so jail time might be the only answer. A very long sentence of say, 5 years or more.
   Would it help our guy's problem? Probably not, but at least he'd be off the streets for a few years. Oh, yeah. Those 17 arrests are not a record. Another Quebecer holds the title at 19. He's now serving a life sentence after killing a woman in an alcohol related hit and run.
   I'm all for giving people 2nd chances in the hope that they will rehabilitate themselves, and not make the same stupid mistake time after time. But after 17 times.....lock him up.
   'Nuff said..

Size Matters.....Part 2

   O-kay, this has gotten bullshitty. A few posts ago, I told you about the Aussie who went to his local Subway for a foot-long, and got screwed out of an inch. He posted a picture of said sub with a ruler, and it measured 11 inches. At the time, I asked who the fuck goes around measuring their food? Well, it seems a lot of people have, and in fact a couple of guys in New Jersey have filed a class action lawsuit over the missing 25 millimeters.
   One guy even went to 17 different shops, and alleges every single sub was short of the foot long claim. One legal beagle says the suit likely won't make it to trial, and Subway will settle by offering coupons or something like that. I hope they're all for the missing one inch, and you need 12 to redeem them. And then hand them out in lots of 9 or so. Just for fun.
   And once again guys, a word of caution about exaggerating the size of your trouser sub to your lovers. Don't do it! You wouldn't want to be involved in a class action suit over THAT. The evidence may not stand up in court!
   'Nuff said.

Alright. Who Cut The Cheese?

   Well, not exactly "cut", and not just any old cheese either. A load of sweet goats milk cheese was being shipped in northern Norway recently, when the rig hauling it caught fire in a tunnel. And yes, the cheese is brown. On purpose. I've tried it, and while it wasn't bad, it wasn't to my taste. But it is for a lot of Norwegians, where it's an essential part of the diet.
   Seems fire crews couldn't get into the 2.2 mile long tunnel in the Arctic due to gasses given off by the melting cheese. In fact, it took 4 days to put out the blaze. The truck was the only vehicle in the tunnel, which will be closed for a few weeks, at the time. The driver wasn't hurt.
   And it was quite a bit of cheese too. 27 TONS of the stuff to be exact.
   Fondue anyone? Maybe a huge cheeseburger?
   'Nuff said.

I Say Old Chap, What Is That Awful Smell?

   That's the question wafting around many parts of England, and France is getting the blame! It seems a foul stench, sort of rotten eggs and sweat, has been drifting across the Channel as far as London. Apparently, it stems from a leak at a chemical plant that makes additives for industrial lubricants and paint. It's called "mercaptan", and in my part of the world they use it in natural gas to warn people of leaks.
   Anyway, the gas is supposedly harmless, but fire officials in Kent, England, were suggesting people close their doors and seal windows, because the it could make people feel nauseous. In high enough concentrations, it is flammable, but it takes so little of it to become an odorant that the risk of a fire or explosion is thought to be minimal at worst.
   Still, French officials say it may be a day or 2 before they get the leak under control.
   So, hold your noses Brits, Keep Calm and Carry On. Pepe Le Pew should be reigned in shortly.
   'Nuff said.

Not What You'd Expect

   You would expect this after a hockey game in almost any division or league. One skater had a cheek cut during an altercation with another recently. But it wasn't the result of a cheap shot check into the boards. Or settling a long running feud between players. Shit. It wasn't even hockey related.
   It did involve skaters..figure skaters to be exact. And it wasn't even on the ice. It happened in a hotel in Ontario, when an unruly celebration got out of hand. 8 skaters from Canada were involved in the brouhaha that erupted on the 2nd floor of the hotel, which apparently started when the skaters wouldn't shut up when asked by staff. The cops were called, but mainly to back up management  who quickly shooshed everyone back to their rooms. The skaters were there for the Canadian championships.
   The cut was minor, and didn't need medical attention.
   But there may be a plus in this. Maybe retired NHL enforcer Tie Domi could lace 'em up again. That'd make for some interesting commentary in a completely uninteresting "sport".
   'Nuff said.

Size Matters

   Just ask any guy if they'd prefer 11 or 12 inches. I'm pretty sure most would say 12. And in Australia, that extra inch is getting a lot of play. It seems an Aussie, who I'll call "Bruce" just to keep it clear, got a footlong from a local Subway.....and when he got it home, he MEASURED it, and found it was one inch short. Apparently, he even posted a picture of said sub, next to a ruler, on Subways Facebook page. The post was taken down, but the fast food joint denies they did it.
   Oh, it doesn't end there either. "Bruce"'s dilemma was picked up by the New York Post, who did some checking of their own. They bought several reputedly footlong subs, and found 4 of 7 didn't measure up. A spokesman for the company had an explanation, saying since the bread is baked in different locations, there may well be a variance in length.
   But now, questions need to be asked. First, who the fuck goes around measuring their sandwich? Second, who the fuck cares about one missing inch? And what's the sub shop supposed do, refund the guy 42 cents on his 5 dollar footlong? I don't think so.
   And a word of warning to all you guys out there: When you're bragging to your lover about the massive size of your salami, make sure it'll pass the "tale of the tape".
   'Nuff said.

Get Your "Eeek!" On Standby

   It's happened to just about all of us. You open that sealed pack of store bought food, only to find a hair in it. Shit, there have even been stories about fingers, band-aids and worse. But listening to the radio on the way to the office this morning, I could hardly believe this.
   Seems a guy in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan picked up some tandoori bread from a local shop, and when he opened it (get ready to Eeek!) found a mouse inside. Not just a mouse hair, but the whole fuckin' mouse! And he says it was still alive, even though it was packed some 2 weeks before. The guy who sold him the bread claims no mouse could live that long in a sealed bag, which may be true, and the heat used to seal it would've killed the mouse. Also possibly true. But the buyer of said Nan bread took a video of the mouse INSIDE the bag.
   Now the supermarket in question apparently also went on to say that not only was the bag sealed, but CO2 and nitrogen are pumped in first to keep the product fresh. Which begs the question: Did buddy not notice the mouse before he made the purchase? Or has he got something against the store or it's owner and put the mouse inside? Jury's out on those yet.
   Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go take a look at the bag of bagels I bought today. It seems to be making a strange 'squeaking' sound.
   'Nuff said.

Wacky Wednesday Wanderings

   And we'll start in California, where a 3 judge commission says a science teacher, Stacie Halas, won't be allowed back in any classroom. She was fired in April of last year, and had been hoping to get her job back. She was fired for.....uhh.....extracurricular activities. O-kay, she was in several on-line porn films during an 8 month period between 2005 and 2006. A lawyer for Stacie says she was not involved in the adult industry since she started teaching, and only got.....uhh....."into" it due to financial hardship. She was found out when several students and teachers "discovered" her past.
   And I'm sure none of the male students were the ones complaining! As for Stacie, well nothing was said about her future, but she wants to put her past behind her. And I say "good luck", because unfortunately, her past will continue to dog her for years to come no doubt.

   Moving on, another season of American Idol starts tonight. Yawwwwn! I do have to admit I watched one season of what could also be called America's Karaoke Crazy. But then the meds kicked in, and I haven't watched since. And tonight will be no different, despite the hyped up feud between Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj. The Duel of the Divas. The Battle of the Bitches. Whatever you wanna call it. I'm sure ratings tonight will be through the roof, as millions turn in to see if one sticks a shiv in the back of the other. I will not be one of them.
   Mariah, don't forget "Glitter", although I'm sure anyone who was stupid enough to go see that piece of dog shit would love to. For the record, I did NOT see it. And then there's Nicki's "Stupid Ho" song. Google the lyrics for yourself. Trust me, it's not even worth the effort. Let's not forget Randy, the only original left. And Keith Urban, the Aussie country star. Country. Not my favorite kind of music, but it is my favorite kind of tree ;).
   And after this season when the ratings tank, there might be one more left before Idol hopefully fades away. And if there is, lets get some TALENTED people as judges. Paula Abdul isn't doing much anymore. Nor is Britney Spears. No, wait. That wouldn't work. No one could tell who is supposed to be the scatter brained air-head.
   'Nuff said.

Kinda Cold For A Protest

   That's what PeTA idiots likely found out Friday as the Persistent Eco Terrorist Assholes struck again. Wearing green bikini's, green body paint and green wigs, a few "bathing beauties" took their vegan message to, of all places, Regina, Saskatchewan. As Canadian prairie cities go, Regina's actually quite nice. In the summer. A friend of mine there was saying the temperature there was -11 Celsius (+12 Fahrenheit), but the windchill was about -25 (8 below f).
   And yet these idiots were out there, downtown, in bikini's, waving signs urging us all to quit eating meat, and start eating veggies. I just hope the local media there kept them outside for a good 15 minutes asking questions. That'll learn them! Even better, have someone offer these so-called "protesters" a nice, warm fur coat. When it get's that fucking cold, people's values start to change. Especially when bits of the body you're quite fond of start turning blue.
   Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to have a nice plate of broccoli, potatoes and carrots. With a huge side dish of medium rare New York steak!
   'Nuff said.

At Least They Won't Have To Worry About Vampires

   Or getting many dates for that matter. In Sweden, authorities have issued international warrants for 2 Brits wanted for alleged smuggling. The crime itself is far from unusual, but it's what they tried to smuggle that is. And it's nothing mundane like endangered snakes or even things like elephant ivory or powdered rhino horn. It's garlic. It seems the pair tried to evade Swedish taxes by having at least 1.2 tons of Chinese garlic shipped to Norway, where it entered duty free because it was classed as being in transit.
   The pair then drove the stinky shipment across the border into Sweden, avoiding customs checks and therefore import duties. 13 million dollars worth of duties to be exact! This all supposedly happened in 2009 and 10, and the duo were identified after a long police probe.
   The question now is: Why Chinese garlic? Is it any better than other countries? Is it grown in the first pee of newborn panda cubs? No. China actually supplies about 80% of the worlds garlic output, some 13.6 million metric tons of the stuff. In English, that's a staggering 13 BILLION pounds. Enough for one hell of a lot of pasta sauce!
   No word yet on when or if the pair have been pounced in the pen, but one thing's for sure. I don't think I'd wanna share a cell with them!
   'Nuff said.

Game On!

   NHL Hockey's back. The league and players reached a tentative deal about 5:00 Eastern Sunday morning after some 16 hours of talks. That means a season will start no later than January 19th, and possibly as early as the 15th after a 113 day lockout that wiped more than half of the season out. The deal, among other things, increases the salary cap to some 64 million per team. The league was after 60 mil.
   And it's interesting what a little pressure can do. The league had set a "drop dead" date of January 11th to scrap the entire season, while the players were moving toward a disclaimer of interest which would disband the union and set up possible legal battles.
   There were opportunities to save more of a season, but both sides were so entrenched, those opportunities went begging.
   The interesting thing to watch for now is fan reaction. Die-hard supporters will be in their seats for the shortened season, no doubt. But it's the walk-up fans that make up a good chunk of the revenue for all the teams. Will they be willing to shell out anywhere from $165 to $235 bucks to see Montreal play? Or $75 to $175 in Edmonton? Or $160 to $185 for a seat in the Gardens for the Rangers? Some will, I'm sure. But I'd also put money on quite a few saying "fuck it" after having waited so long for a season and simply getting to the point where they've lost interest.
   And what is going to happen to ticket prices next season anyway? Are they going to be jacked up so teams can cover the increased cost?
   Hockey is a big business, I know that. But it seems to me that during this latest dispute between the 2 sides, the fans simply didn't count. On one hand, you have the league saying they need increased revenue etc, and the players saying they need more money etc. I think both sides need to come to terms with the fact that while it is a huge business, they'd better be aware that fan dollars can only stretch so far. And if fans start believing both sides are just money grubbing, and don't really care about THEM, then their base will drop.
   Will I be taking in any NHL games after this cluster-fuck? No. At least not for a while.
   'Nuff said.

   And a couple of other hockey related notes: The U.S.A won gold at the World Juniors in Russia, beating defending champion Sweden 3-1. Canada, which went undefeated through the preliminary round, lost the bronze medal game to the host Russians beat them 6-5 in O.T.

What's In A Name?

   If you live in Iceland apparently, quite a bit. A 15 year old girl and her mom are suing the Icelandic government for the right to legally use the name her mother gave her. And it's nothing weird like Pilot Inspektor or Hashtag. In fact, her name is Blaer (pronounced Blair) Bjarkardottir. And she was baptized Blaer by the local priest. And while I think it's a nice name, meaning "Light Breeze" in Icelandic, but it's not on the official list of names approved by the government.
   That's right, the "Official List Of Approved Names". Such a thing does exist. There are 1853 approved girls names, and 1712 for boys. And the Personal Names Register has the power to approve and disapprove someones name. That's if a parent wants to chose a name not on the official list. The list, apparently, was started to ensure names that fit Icelandic grammar and pronunciation rules and to protect children from embarrassment.
   In Blaer's case, her Mom only realized her name was not on the official list AFTER the Christening. She also says she knew someone named Blaer, who's name was accepted. But in this case, the good folks at the name registry say the name is more masculine in tone.
   So, on her OFFICIAL documents, Blaer is known as "Stulka", which means "girl" in Icelandic. Mom says she'll go to that country's supreme court if the registry doesn't change the decision. And Iceland isn't the only country with such a registry. Germany and Denmark also have them.
   To me, Stulka is a lot uglier name than Blaer. But it'still better than Pilot Inspktor, Hashtag, Fifi Trixibelle or Moxy CrimeFighter. And I'm not making those up either.
   Good luck Blaer, may a light breeze blow victory your way!
   'Nuff said.