This Is Making News?

   It's sure been all over the 'net. After 40 years, Piggy and Kermit are "done". Why is this making news? There's still problems in the fight against ISIL, oil prices are in the shitter. Weather's causing havoc in many areas of the world. And THIS makes the news feed?
   What was the problem? Piggy wouldn't pork anymore? She's makin' bacon with someone else? Maybe Kermit's been hopping on someone else's "lily pad" (wink, wink). Maybe she's tired of the green weenie.
   But seriously, why? It's not like they're real. Someone's got their fist shoved up their "asses" and moving their "mouths", while someone else talks for them?
   Hey! Wait a second. They may be real after all. Someone up their ass, while someone pulls their strings and mouths their words? Holy shit! If that's the case, maybe they're fucking politicians! I mean, there is a campaign on here in Canada.
   And I'm starting to see some resemblances here too. Piggy sorta looks like Green Party leader Elizabeth May. I guess that makes Kermit Bloc Quebecois leader Gilles Duceppe. I mean, they're both.....well, you know.
   'Nuff said.

The Race Is On

   And the finish line is 11 weeks away. We knew we were going to the polls in October, and conservative party prime minister Stephen Harper decided to give us an extra long campaign before voting day on the 19th of that month. Traditionally, election campaigns are 37 days. And the campaign costs taxpayers 375 MILLION dollars. With the run-up for this vote 11 weeks, fuck only knows how extra much it'll cost. I've heard anywhere between another 300 to 400 million.
   Thank you Stephen Hitler (or is it Adolph Harper) for wasting our tax dollars on an extra 6 weeks. That means 6 more weeks of bullshit propaganda from the government on how wonderful they are. How they've safeguarded the economy (hard to believe when the campaign could cost us 750 million fucking dollars), and what they claim they'll do once re-elected.
   Not that the opposition parties are any fucking better. On the one side, for the Liberals, you've got Justin Trudeau, who's main claim to fame is his daddy, who was P.M back in the day. The Trudeau name is still mud in many parts of Canada after Pierre Elliot brought in wage and price controls, the National Energy Program and other wonderful shit. My poor dad worked for the feds for 36 years, and when he retired, he got a certificate thanking him. Signed by P.E Trudeau (with an autopen). My old man nearly burst a fucking blood vessel. He was NOT a Trudeau fan.
   Then, there's Tom Mulcair, with the New Democratic Party. I don't know a whole lot about him, and I thinks I'd prefer keeping it that way. He's too smooth, if you know what I mean. Not exactly oily. Just too smooth.
  I digress. Bottom line is we're in for 11 weeks of being inundated about how shitty the other leaders are, and how only their party is right for Canada. I've already had 2 annoyance calls. Luckily, they're machines and don't immediately start squawking. I just hang the phone up.
   But when I get a live candidate, well, that's when the fun begins! I almost pity whoever the poor fucker is calling me, begging for my vote. No, I don't.
   There are some people who welcomed the end of the parliamentary session here over the weekend. 3 Tory and a Liberal senator. They've been suspended, but once the session ended, they start getting their big, fat, taxpayer funded paycheques again. One even gets all the benefits that go along with the cushy job back.
   Yeah, I know. We live in a democracy bought and paid for by the sacrifices of those who fought and died in wars for us. So yes, I will get out and vote. It's just going to take an awful lot of convincing by any of the parties to vote for their candidate.
   Sorry if this turned into a rant.
   'Nuff said.

Kanye West.....A Rant

   First, an apology. If I come off sounding like a crusty old fuck who doesn't understand today's "music", it's because I AM a crusty old fuck, and I don't give a rat's ass about today's so-called "music"   Mr. West was back to his douchey self this past weekend. He was invited (although I can't for the life of me figure out why) to 'perform' at the closing ceremonies of the Pan-Am Games in Toronto. And in true fashion, he threw a hissy when there was a technical glitch or 2. Not only did he throw a hissy, he threw the offending mic 40 feet into the air. And stomped off stage.
   A truly classless act by a truly classless person.
   I can understand (sort of) why organizers would try and get a rap 'star' to perform. To get the younger crowd into the whole affair. But given West's history of douchery, you wonder why? Or better, why HIM? Surely there are other rap 'stars' who were available. Possibly even a Canadian one.
   As for the "music", well..the less said about that the better. To my vastly untrained ear, all rap sounds the same. Violent, women-hating, profane bullshit. Maybe when it first got started as a genre of music it was different.
   Shit! I sound like my old man and his views on the I was listening to. Stuff like Zeppelin, Floyd, Santana and Sabbath. The only difference (and here comes the crusty old fuck again) is music by the above noted groups is still viable today. It isn't dated. Rap 'music', on the other hand, doesn't seem to last much past 6 months after it was released.
   As for West, o-kay. I get the fact you were upset the mic was malfunctioning. It's happened to a lot better singers and groups than you can ever hope to be. Throwing a temper tantrum during an international broadcast and stomping off stage proves to me, and an awful lot of people, that you are an asshole of the first degree who needs to cling on to your she-whale of a wife's star to keep yours burning.
   So, Kimye (as I understand you're called collectively) please feel free to drop off the face of the earth.
   But then again, I'm a crusty old fuck who doesn't understand, or want to, today's 'music'.
   'Nuff said.

Wait! That Wasn't The Umbilical Cord!

   It seems medical students in Mexico had better go back to basic anatomy class after this. A newborn baby boy had part of his penis cut off by bungling medical students who mistook it for the umbilical cord. It gets worse, if that's possible. Seems doctors tried to 'hush things up' afterward, and told Dad it was a "minor accident". They did sew it back on, but in doing so caused even more injuries to the little tykes 'little tyke'.
   Mom and Dad are both pissed, and with reason, wanting to know why there was no gynecologist for the delivery, and why students were left in charge?
   For that matter, I've got a couple of questions myself. How the fuck do you mistake an umbilical cord for a penis? One runs from the mother to the kids abdomen, the other does not. And unless the umbilical cord was very short, and the kid had a gigantic dick, the difference should be plain to see. Shit! I'm no doctor and even I know the difference.
   I'm just glad the managed to re-attach the organ so the poor kid won't go off half-cocked the rest of his life.
   'Nuff said.

Random Shit Friday

   The title says it all, folks. I'm just throwing some random shit on here to see what sticks. And we'll start with the worlds largest fast-food chain:

   Yup! Rotten Ronnies. Seems down State-side McD's is shrinking, even if the poor fuckers who eat their food aren't. Ron's is shuttering several restaurants, closing more than they open this year. A spokesperson says the closures will be "minimal". And while exact figures haven't been released, the chain plans on cutting 700 worldwide. And I gotta agree! Do we really need a Golden Arches every mile or so? Are people getting so fucking fat they can't even DRIVE the extra distance? O-kay. That was a stupid question. Of course they can't.
   Still with fast food: Seem Burger King's at it again in Japan. They came out with an all-black burger not long ago. Black bun, cheese and burger. Now, they're going Red. It's called the Aka Samurai Burger. Aka means 'red' in Japanese apparently. And, you guessed it, it's a red bun, red cheese and a tomato just because they can. It's supposed to be spicy. And if beef ain't your thing, the same concoction will be offered in chicken.

   Moving on: Donald Trump for President. Bwa-haw-haw-haw! It's sad, but true. The Donald has thrown his hat (and comb-over) into the race for the Republican nomination, and has tapped Oprah fucking Winfrey as VEEP. I'm glad I live in Canada! Oh, wait a sec. That's right! We've got Stephen Hitler..er..Harper..as Prime Minister. Speaking of politicians, yet another Canadian member of the unelected Senate is in deep shit. Not for dipping into the public purse, but for (allegedly) dipping into an underage 16 year old girl. Although she says there was no in-out till she was 18. Not that it matters.

   Moving on again: Pope Frankie is calling on world leaders to do something to protect the environment, and save our ruined planet. Frank says we must fix the "perverse economy". Sure thing Frankie, sure thing. By the way, when are YOU going to do something about the perverted priesthood and save those ruined by them?
   I'm waiting.
   'Nuff said

The "New" Top Gear? Not For Me

   Months after Top Gear host Jeremy Clarkson was shit-canned, the BBC has announced his 'replacement'. Chris Evans was featured on the show a few times, and is admittedly a car fanatic. But he doesn't have the charisma Clarkson had (despite his foibles), and I don't think he's got what it takes to be able to carry what was the world's most popular car show. And it was THE most popular motoring show "in the world", as Clarkson would put it. It was also the most popular BBC show, with 350 million viewers.
   But naming Evans as the new host is just one of the many problems the once storied franchise faces. Also gone are his side-kicks, James "Captain Slow" May and Richard "Hamster" Hammond. At least according to reports I've seen. Just who's been tapped to replace them has not yet been announced. But whoever the 'new crew' turn out to be, I, among millions of others, will NOT be watching when the show re-launches.
   The "why" is simple. After more than 20 years, the trio above built up a rapport between themselves, and with the audience. They also built up a trust, if you will, with viewers. That's something the new hosts will probably never be able to do.
   Don't get me wrong. Top Gear is far from being put in "park". There's still a lot of mileage left in the show. But without Clarkson, Hammond and May it may soon be running on empty.
   'Nuff said.

Oh Shit, They're Breeding Again

   Sad to report this, but Kim Lardasian is carrying another spawn of Kanye West. And, surprise, surprise, she made the announcement on the mid-season finale of their "reality" show. Ratings were that bad Kim? And what're you going to call this one? Her first brat is "North West". What're they gonna call this one. South? I just hope the 'mother ship' returns to take Kimye and the rest of that gang back to the planet Kardash.
   Speaking of the unspeakable family, I also see Bruce Jenner has picked a name for when he crosses over to become 'she': Caitlyn. At least he/she's spelling it with a "C", rather than a "K"..
   The only reason I know about this shit is from listening to one of my local radio stations. But also after hearing them drone on and on about this, I might just switch stations.
   'Nuff said.