Here Kitty, Kitty!

   There have been a few stories in the news lately in British Columbia about people seeing cougars in parts of some cities.
   So far, no one or no one's pet has been hurt by the big cat, but officials are cautioning people about keeping a close eye on their small children and their pets just in case. One recent example was one seen near a daycare in Victoria earlier this summer.
   And not only kids could be at risk. One guy says he was having a nap in his backyard when he saw one a cougar sizing him up. Luckily, it decided against making a move on the guy, jumped a fence and fucked off.
   Cops did show up, but weren't able to confirm the cougar was actually there.
   There was another case in Vancouver, this time seen by firefighters, who confirmed the cat scaled a retaining wall and booked it.
   And as if THAT wasn't enough, a cougar was spotted in the bar area of another city.
   Fortunately, someone managed to get this picture:

   Makes me wonder when "cougar" season opens!
   'Nuff said.

I'm Back!

   At least for a few days. I have the luxury of being able to commute on weekends, so here I am. And I think I'll look at "celebrities".
   As you know, I don't watch awards shows. I hate the fucking things for several reasons. They're boring as all hell, and I don't know, or give a shit about, who most of the people are. So I didn't see Miley Cyrus' "simulated sex" escapade at the VMA's. Or whatever they're called. Anyway, she got a phony "doggie style" from whoever the other presenter was, then gave herself a crotch massage with a finger. She was dressed, and the finger was one of those giant foam ones you see at sporting events. Well, it seems the man who invented them isn't to pleased with how Miley used it. I just hope she never makes a REAL sex tape.
   Speaking of sex, it seems an admission from Michael Douglas may have cost him his marriage. It seems he and Cathy Zeta-Jones have "taken a marriage hiatus" to "work things out". It wasn't that long ago Mike came out saying performing oral sex on women with the HPV virus may have bee a contributor to his throat cancer. I bet that made Cathy feel real good.
   I'll try and have something a little more substantive tomorrow, but for now:
   'Nuff said.

Movin' On

   From time to time, shit happens for one reason or other. And so it is for your humble blogger. The company I work for has decided to "shake things up" a bit, moving several people around. And so it is for me. I've been transferred to another branch of the operation, and actually start tomorrow (Monday). Due to this, I won't be able to access my computer for the next few days (maybe a week) while I find temporary lodging.
   Once I do, you can be assured "I'll Be Back".
   So for now, and until then: Life sometimes serves you lemons. I plan on making lemonade.
   'Nuff said.

They're Putting Ad's On What Now?

   Yup. Toilet paper. Bog roll. Asswipe. After dinner rolls. Dingleberry removal paper. Call it what you will. A restaurant near Duke University in North Carolina has started using T.P with a QR code on them which allows patrons a "buy one, get one free" dessert coupon, along with ad's for other businesses. And apparently, it works! The owner of the eatery says he's seen people coming out of the rest room with up to 4 1/2 feet of the stuff in their hands. Unused, of course. They've also been taking them up on the "buy one, get one" offer.  I knew a lot of restaurants made up "doggy bags" of your left overs. I didn't know that extended to toilet paper.
   Printing stuff of T.P is nothing new. I've seen everything from crosswords to cartoons on it. But this is one of the first times someone has used it for advertising. At least that I've heard of. In exchange for the ads, the restaurant is using the stuff. Why? Well, one of the inventors of the stuff says: “We supply the toilet paper to venues for free in exchange for demographic information so we can be sure advertisers are targeting who they want." No word on how much they charge for the stuff.
   And they plan to expand as well, to places like theatres and stadiums. This makes a lot of sense as well. Most advertising is nothing but shit anyway, so why not put it on paper and make good use out of it?
   But you almost have to wonder how far this fad will go. I mean, I don't think a lot of women will welcome printed ad's on their "feminine" paper products.
   'Nuff said.

There's Dumb, And Then There's This Guy

   As a law abiding citizen, I think any crime is dumb. Some dumber than others. Then, there are the crooks themselves who can be extremely stupid. We've all heard the tale of the would be crook who tried to shimmy down a chimney, only to get stuck.
   Then, there are the ones who are too dumb to disguise themselves or cover their face at all while committing their crime.. This guy, however, may top the list.
   It seems buddy tried to stick up a gas bar. He told the clerk he had a weapon, and wanted the money. The clerk did something stupid as well.....he didn't hand over any cash. Our would be crook didn't hurt the clerk, simply got in his car and fucked off. Well, until his conscience got the best of him. Instead of lying low, our zero returned to the gas bar to APOLOGIZE to the clerk. Of course, by the time he got back, the cops were there and busted him on the spot.
   Here's hoping the judge takes his remorse into account when it's time to sentence the bozo.
   'Nuff said.

Mmm.....Hamburger!!

   And a 25 year old woman in England won't be eating one, or anything else, for a while. That's because she's on a sort of diet. After dislocating her jaw, that is. After just one bite, she dislocated her jaw eating the triple patty hamburger. Topped with pretzels. And candied bacon. That's when she started feeling the pain in her jaw, and found out the day after that it was dislocated when she went to the hospital after it started swelling.
   Did I also mention she has a disorder that can cause frequent joint dislocations? Anyway, the Liverpool Lass is on the mend.....and vows to go back to the restaurant in question for "another bite". No word if the "Jaws of Life" will be on standby. Sorry, I couldn't resist!
   'Nuff said.

Trains vs People: American Style

   Last year, you'll no doubt remember, I kept a running tally of people in Canada who were killed or survived after being hit by trains. The survivors were almost all extremely drunk at the time. The final tally was actually closer than I expected with "trains" winning 7-6.
   From the States comes a tale I thought I'd share about a man who was smacked by a train going more than 177 k/mh (110 mph), and living to talk about it. Our guy was crossing a set of tracks and was hit by the Amtrack express. The impact knocked him some 6 meters (20 FEET) through the air. He's got broken bones, but will survive. This, after the engineer tried blowing the whistle and hitting the brakes. Did I mention the guy was listening to music on headphones at the time?
   The big question, of course, is how the guy survived and wasn't turned into a red splotch on the front of the engine. Someone suggested he was pushed aside by the massive wave of air in front of the locomotive. Possible, I guess.
   Whatever, this guy is one of the luckiest fuckers out there! Maybe he should buy a powerball ticket. Once he gets out of hospital, of course.
   'Nuff said.

Mmmmm!!! Donuts!

   And not just any donut, either. Tim Horton's held a public contest to come up with the next great taste in donuts. 63 thousand people entered, and the winner is an Ontario man for his creation: "The Tortoise Torte", which is a mash-up of chocolate, caramel and pecans. Kinda like Turtles chocolates. It beat out creations like "The Oreo Borealis" among others.
   Canadian born actor Jason Priestley was one of the judges in the contest. No word if a bunch of cops "rounded" out the panel.
   And what does the winner get, aside from having his donut on sale? 10 thousand dollars. Sounds chintzy to me, when Tim's stands to make a whack lot more off the sale of this thing. I think it's be better to give the guy the 10 grand, PLUS a slice of profit from the sale as well.
   Now, I have to wait for the Tortoise Torte to make it's way into a Timmy's near me. Waiting. Waiting.......
   'Nuff said.

9-1-1. What Is Your Emergency?

   You've no doubt heard those calls on American cop T.V shows. Someone's loved one is in dire trouble, and the only person they can reach is the 9-1-1 dispatcher. Or there's a fire in someone's home. Or a horrific accident. The kind of calls the system was set up and designed to deal with.
   Then, there's the other side of the coin. People accidentally pocket-dialing 9-1-1 is becoming a large problem for police, fire and EMS agencies. And then, there's the segment of society that simply can't or don't understand what it was set up for. I'm talking about people who call 9-1-1 because McD's ran out of lemonade. Or kids calling for help with their homework.
   Well, today's tale fits right in with the last category. It seems a guy in western Canada called 9-1-1 to report his girlfriend wouldn't cook him breakfast! Our hero was extremely drunk at the time. Needless to say, the cops were far from amused, and did a trace-back on the number and found the guy. Who was arrested. And charged. And not just with making a phony 9-1-1 call either. No, our friend was also charged with assault, for allegedly threatening his own sister with a chair! Lets hope this guy never reproduces. Ever.
   I'm thinking the next "emergency" call this guy makes could well be from his jail cell, where he's being "broken in" by a fellow inmate.
   'Nuff said.

She Just Won't Go Away

   Yeah, as much as I, and a lot of others, were hoping she'd fade into obscurity, Maygan Sensenberger is back. And once again on screen. The 24 year old wife of  69 year old Rod Zimmer is "starring" in another video. It's called "The Candy Doll", and.....as you probably have already worked out.....May is the "doll". A sex doll, to be exact. Surprise, surprise. Type casting at it's best.
   I won't bore you with the details (the vid's on You Tube if you really want to watch it), other than to say I think old Rod's the luckiest 69 year old man on earth right now.
   I also think I know what caused his "health related" problem that lead to his retirement from the Canadian Senate this summer. (See my blog of August 7th "Remember These Folks".) The male "star" of this "film", which is filled with sexual innuendo, gets to do to May what the senator has done.....cop a feel! No wonder the old boy had to be hospitalized with "breathing difficulties". I'm surprised the old guy didn't have a heart attack!
   And don't think she's done with her "acting" career just yet. It seems Maygan s in line for a "starring role" in an upcoming feature film. Yeah, right. I just wonder what "role" she'll be playing this time. Cue the 1970's porn music.
   'Nuff said.

Political Correctness Is Running Amok

   Which is why it's time for it to end. Not that it ever will, of course. These days it seems you can't say anything to anyone without causing offense. Or wear what you'd like. At least not without some P.C bozo getting their panties in a knot. There are a couple of examples I'm going to share to make my point. In the States, Nike has had to yank a clothing line with geometrical designs. Not 'cause if you squint you can see an offensive word. Fuck no! The women's running clothes were decorated with a pattern based on Samoan tattoos called pe'a, which are traditionally reserved for men. And someone complained. Typical. As for the items in question, they really are ugly. The tattoo's are, well, tattoo's. And I must admit, they do look better on skin than a clothing line. Still, give me a break.
   In Canada, First Nations people are also in a tizz over a headband. Well, 3 of them are anyway. And that forced the store in question to pull ALL of the headbands. Why? Colored feathers. That's right! Colored feathers. It seems one of the complainants fired off an e-mail to the retailer in question, basically saying the item was offensive because such headbands and headdresses are reserved for chiefs, and is therefore disrespectful. Again, give me a break!
   And if THAT's not enough. there was a story earlier this month about people in Ukraine being pissed off about a toilet bowl cleaner being sold in Germany. Why? Did it look like Ukraine's flag or something?

   Actually, yeah. It kinda did. And that's why the maker had to yank them from sale in Eastern Europe.
   I realize in today's society we do have to watch what we say. Up to a point. I would certainly never use a racist slur toward any group. But that's just about where my political correctness comes to an end.
   In the case of the above mentioned items.....if you don't like them, don't buy them. And if you feel strongly enough about it, don't go back into the store, But quit fucking bitching and whining and forcing your minority views and opinions on others. If I wanted to wear geometric tattoo designed clothing and a headband with feathers to buy a blue and yellow toilet cleaner, that's my choice. I'd look like a complete tool, but it's still MY choice.
   'Nuff said

I Think I'm Going To Be Sick

   And what's got the barf bucket on stand-by is a new snack making it's debut in Japan. Now, I'm all for having a few Cheetos now and then, and washing then down with a fizzy soda. But not combined. Yup! Pepsi flavored Cheetos have hit snack food shelves in the Land of the Rising Sun. And, apparently, the proper formal name is "Frito Lay Cheetos x Pepsi Shuwa Shuwa Cola Corn Snack".  Basically, it's Cheetos covered in cola powder. Oh, my fucking god!
   But then, why not? They already have wasabi flavored Kit-Kat bars, among other odd things. Some of their candy is a bit intriguing. There's some you can actually turn into what looks like sushi, although it does require quite a bit of mixing and effort to get the end result. And while it's either grape or cherry flavored, once properly prepared it sure looks like the real magilla.
   And really, when you look at things like the Krispy Kreme burger or Sloppy Joe, or the donut-croissant hybrid "cro-nut" burger being sold in Canada, is it really that weird? Or for that matter, hedgehog flavored crisps in Britain? Yeah, it is.
   And if you were wondering, yes. You can buy some in Canada. Through e-bay at $3.99 a pop. Will I try it? Even though I'm a bit adventurous when it comes to food....no. If I want Cheetos washed down with a cola, well, I'll just get the above mentioned items and enjoy them. Separately.
   'Nuff said.

Bitch, Whine, Complain

   That pretty much sums up the reaction from a member of Canada's (unelected) Senate after an audit found improperly claimed expenses. It's been a major scandal in my country ever since several APPOINTED members of the upper house were caught with their fingers in the proverbial cookie jar. Allegedly, they were claiming expenses they weren't entitled to.
   Well, one of the senators in question has been ordered to pay back 360 thousand dollars, and will pay interest, but is far from happy about it. The senator in question says the audit done by an external company was flawed, and the process was unfair. Just like (allegedly) claiming expenses you were not entitled to? The probe also claims the upper chamber members calendar had retroactively been "amended", which the senator denies.
   The case of the (alleged) questionable expense claims is, of course, leading to calls in my country to either radically amend the senate.....or scrap it altogether. Personally, I favor abolition. The senate was supposed to be the chamber of sober second thought, where government legislation was vetted thoroughly before being passed into law.
   Unfortunately, it's become a dumping ground for political patronage, where cronyism reigns supreme, and the government of the day simply appoints however many more they need to get their legislation passed.
   If we are to keep the upper chamber, then we need to take a page from the Americans, and have an elected senate, with strict seat numbers AND term limits. But since either of those solutions are not likely to happen in the short term, I guess we're in for more of the same. I just hope the company that did the audit has lots of staff, 'cause I think that given the current state of the senate, they're gonna need them
   'Nuff said.

What's In A Name Part 2

   A while back, I blogged about an Icelandic girl and her mother who were having trouble with that country's "Official Names" registry. It was because her mom had her christened "Blaer" without checking the registry of approved names first. They went to court and won.
   I knew Iceland and a few other countries had such an odious registry, but not the U.S.A. Well, Tennessee at least. It all stems from a court hearing to decide the last name of a 7 month old boy, after the parents couldn't agree on it. They wanted to call the kid "Messiah DeShawn Martin". The judge ordered the parents to change it to "Martin DeShawn McCullough, saying "messiah" is a title, reserved for Jesus. The judge, apparently a backwoods bible thumper, has thus forced her religious beliefs on the parents, who say they'll appeal. So much for the separation of church and State, huh?
   So, what about any Muslims who move to the area (not that many likely would)? If their son is named Mohammed, will they be forced to change the name? What about Jewish people with a son named Israel? Or a Hispanic with a son named Jesus? Will they also have to change their kid's name?
   The story I saw said there were 762 applications for the NAME Messiah last year in the States. As a devout atheist, I really wonder what the fuck is the judge's problem is. And why SHE decided the name wasn't suitable to anyone else? Sure, some names should probably be banned. Adolf Hitler comes to mind. But for shit sake, put the Big Book Of Thou shalt Not (the bible) down judgy-wudgy, and quit forcing your beliefs on other people!
   'Nuff said

A Round Of Applause, Please!

   It's happened to us all at one time or another. You make a reservation at your favourite restaurant for a nice dinner out with your someone special. You get nicely dressed, and hit the high spot for some culinary excellence. That's when someone else's little snot nosed brat starts throwing a hissy at the table right next to you. You ask the waiter to check if there might be a table to move to, but the eatery is jammed. You might also ask the parents of the little shit as politely as possible to have Johnny or Katy shut the fuck up (not using those words), only to be met with a stony stare from said parents as the brat continues wailing and throwing stuff, including food, around.
   In Texas, one restaurant owner has taken some steps to make your dining experience more pleasurable by banning kids under 8. After 7:00 p.m. Cue the applause. It seems the owner had been getting complaints from patrons who were subjected to behaviour from kids who need to be put on lithium. Or Ritalin. Some customers were saying they left their kids home with a sitter, but were still subject to others running amok, screaming and throwing things. The kind of shit that if I tried at a family meal at a restaurant growing up would have resulted in my dad rendering me unable to sit down for a week.
   And it seems this place isn't the only one to go kid-free either. A restaurant in Pennsylvania banned kids under 6 a couple of years ago, and one in Virginia banned anyone under 18!
   Now I don't have a problem with people taking their kids out for a meal. I did it plenty of times myself. But I never took them to a high end place. It was Rotten Ronnies or a pizza joint. When my wife and I wanted an evening out, we'd book a table at a real nice place, and get a sitter!
   And while not all young kids misbehave at a restaurant, enough do for me to give a Ratbag seal of approval to the Texas place.
   'Nuff said.

It's A Weird, Weird World

   And a couple of things point that out. First, from Australia, comes word about a 7 year old boy who wandered into the bush country, chasing after a wallaby. Luckily, the tyke was spotted 24 hours later by a search helicopter sent to scour the area. It seems the lad spent the night in the bush, sleeping under a tree. But he was kept warm, though. By a kangaroo! Seems Skippy approached the boy, who fed it flowers he'd been picking for his mom. The 'Roo the fell asleep right next to him, keeping him warm through the winter night. He's o-kay, but reeks a bit of kangaroo.
   In Scotland, a road works crew needs remedial English lessons. Seems the workers were told to paint a warning in front of an elementary school. The message was supposed to say "School - Keep - Clear". But one of the words was misspelled. And it wasn't the typical "Skool" misspelling. School was actually spelled "Sckool".
   Epic fail!
   'Nuff said.

Your Toilet Is Now Under Our Control

   Especially if you own a high-tech one in Japan. It seems a certain make of toilet-bidet can be, of all things, hacked! A security firm says the toilets have a Bluetooth security flaw which could indeed allow "outside access" to your bog. But only if they're in range of the high end privy. It's not like the thing is "logged" on to the internet or anything, but a hacker could well gain access to the toilet and flush repeatedly, inflating water bills.
   Other potential problems include someone being able to raise or lower the seat remotely, activate bidet or air dryer functions causing any potential user discomfort. To say the least.
   The question, of course, is why would anyone need a toilet controlled by their phone? Have we got to the point now where we need to program our crapper to set pressure and temperature of water in the bidet? Same with the "air-dry" function. I mean, does it have a "curl" setting or what?
   Sorry, but I think I'll continue using my old fashioned shitter. The one with a single flush setting. And no bidet or air dry!
   Which reminds me.....I've gotta go get some more "after dinner" rolls.
   'Nuff said

Remeber These Folks?

   That May to December couple is, of course, is 24 year old Maygan Sensenberger and her 70 year old hubby, Liberal Senator Rod Zimmer. I've blogged about these 2 in the past, going back to August of last year when May allegedly assaulted hubby on a flight from Winnipeg to Saskatoon. Anyway, it seems the senator is stepping down for "health reasons" before the mandatory retirement age of 75.
   But don't worry folks, they won't be in the poor house for a while yet. Because he served 6 years in the un-elected upper house, he get's a taxpayer funded pension. Plus the pensions he got from the private sector. So Maygan won't have to apply for pogey just yet. Or be out walking the streets either.
   The "health reason" old Roddy boy is listing for his stepping down is several trips to hospital for breathing problems. That may well be the case, but I think there could be a few reasons behind it. Viagra poisoning perhaps? Swelling in a certain area that won't go down? A lack of blood flow to the brain? Only his doctor, and Maygan, know for sure.
   'Nuff said.

Oh, Canada. Eh?

   Quite a bit has been going on in my home and native land lately. First, the RCMP have been involved in a couple of shootings in Alberta. One saw a Mountie use deadly force near the provincial capital of Edmonton after he got in a tussle with 2 men suspected of drunk driving. One man was killed, the other wounded. In the other, a man was wounded in the Rocky Mountains after another confrontation when his car was pulled over. And if that's not enough, the Mounties used a taser on a guy south of Edmonton. He later died.
   On the east coast, 2 kids were killed when a python somehow got out of it's pet shop enclosure and slithered up the stairs to an apartment where the kids were having a sleepover. Seems the snake coiled itself around them, and.....being a constrictor.....did what comes naturally and put on the squeeze. Dead are 2 brothers, ages 7 and 5. The snake is in custody.
   In the heartland, financial woes for this premier:

   Saskatchewan, and premier Brad Wall, have been boasting the past few years about having one of very few balanced budget in the country, thanks largely to non-renewable resources like oil, gas and potash. But the potash industry has taken a hit lately, and the government could be facing a severe shortage in revenue. The province has seen quite a bit of growth in population recently, due mainly to what my spies say is foreign immigration, and people moving in from other parts of Canada.
   There used to be a joke about Saskatchewan that the last person leaving should turn off the lights. I'm wondering if that joke won't come back to haunt them again.
   And now I'm off to do something extremely Canadian.....visit Tim's for a double double and a bag of maple Tim Bits.
   'Nuff said.

Holy Crap, It's Slow These Days

   And that's why I haven't been doing many posts. There just ain't  whole lot to blog about these days. After the Royal Baby birth, things have quieted right down. No new donut-burger combos. No recent scandal in any church, and with the exception of Amanda Bynes, no celebrity doings either.
   I dunno about where you live, but the weather here is damn near perfect for golfing. Shame my game sucks. I guess there's just one way to improve it.....hit the links. I hope this dry spell doesn't continue too long. It gets boring not having anything to blog about.
   Well, off to the course.
   'Nuff said.